02 Mar 2014, 3:54 am
OliveOilMom wrote:
sly279 wrote:
first to both what if its not regularly but later on? everyone blames people time to time. and sometimes it is others fault.
Oh, everybody blames others for their own situation from time to time. Thats natural. What I'm talking about is a constant "I can't get dates because of jocks/jerks/alphas/etc" type mindset which you can see here on this forum fairly often. I don't remember you doing it though. Most of what I'm saying is to those kinds of guys here, although no matter how many times I've said it and others have said it to them, they never listen.
Holy pixals Batman! It actually worked doing it like that! I used to hit the b before I typed then hit it again after. They changed it and I didn't get the memo
as to the rest.
that for me has a lot to do with the women i see complain about the jerks, dump/get dumped/cheated on by the jerk, but then repeat it with another jerk. Now see that hundreds of times and I hope you can see why it might be seen as a logical pattern.
Yes but see, you can't tell if a guy is a jerk at first usually. You only know that after it's too late. And not every guy who fits the profile of the jerk, is a jerk. So, you have to take your chances. Then, some guys are jerks sometimes and other times aren't, and some are jerks about a few things but not about others, just like with girls. Not all girls are either great and wonderful or slu*ty gold digging b*****s. There is a whole bunch of in between there with girls. It really mainly comes down to who fits with who. The guy who might be a jerk in my book might be prince charming in another girls book, while my prince charming may be the biggest as*hole another girl has ever seen. So, it really just depends on the dynamic.
Then again, you'll see guys who say they can't even get to that stage cause they can't get a first date or a second date because other guys always get the girls instead so it's those guys faults and all the girls faults and no blame rests on them. My point with them is, if you keep trying and have never had a date, it's not everybody else, it's something you are doing wrong. Find out what it is, fix it or work around it the best you can. Most don't want to do that because it involves accepting responsibility for things.
well for me its the ugly and no job, nice car, house to self. that prevents me from getting a return message or date. I can't really fix my face. I have a temp job and been trying to find full time work, my car is a 94 corolla, but at least it runs, I can't have a place to myself until i have a gf, unless i want to have a cardboard box house while having all my family mad at me. the ones that reject me for looks hurts, but at least i can understand it even if it makes me want to die. I am upset at the ones who reject me over objects, while i meet the rest of their wants and needs. and they wonder why their search for perfection has left them alone. for the record it does bother me to get rejected cause i'm a little fat. not even half the population is athletic anymore in the USA.
jerks tend to be nice at first, but once they have the girl they stop being nice. where as guys like me will remain nice. I always tried to make her happy and share her interests. "It's listening to her, smiling at her, paying attention to what she says and to the little things. " <--- I happen to really love doing that, I tried my hardest to remember everything, but I have memory problems thank goodness most my communications are text and i saved them, thus allowing me to remember a lot of it. Ive found most girls though won't talk about themselves or their days
I ask and all i get is a disappointing "it was ok" one time one girl told me all about her boring day, and what all she does. I really enjoyed listening to her, even though the tasks seem boring her passion for it was wonderful. at last like I said I've yet to find that in another girl. I thought women liked to come home and talk about their day ,but nope
Well honey, if girls don't talk about themselves or their days/mothers/jobs/periods/friends/hair/gossip/etc to you, then you have never met a Southern girl. Thats pretty much what most of us want to do; talk to our guy about things and have him listen. As for the remembering things, i don't mean remember everything. I mean remember that she once said she loves crab and never goes out to get crab so you surprise her with it. Or that she's always wanted to go skydiving but never found anybody to go with her. Or just some little statement made in passing that you file away and use to surprise her with later on. You do that kind of thing and trust me, she will do the same for you.
Not many southern women up in the northwest. those who are are gorgeous, thin, and looking for "the list" though I don't know why sicne they only plan to move back when finished with college.
as for the remembering stuff. I did do that I was going give gifts for Christmas that all had a connection to stuff she said. like sushi socks cause she loved sushi so much. what I learned was women don't want gifts.
I don't make public scenes, I act like it didn't bother me, go home and cry. "hysterical(depressed)" guilty later if they bring it up or are texting me saying they rejecting me or ask about it later. the one girl seems to like rubbing in that shes with someone else, one time admit-ed it. I've never stalked a woman o.O not if they tell me they not interested. now I messaged some that we'd talked for years and then suddenly just stopped talking to me with no warning. I tried to continue talking to them then ask why they weren't replying, spaced out message every 2 weeks. then after a few just gave up. If a woman tells me they want space for a set number of days I give them it. I'm very respectful when told whats going on. well no girl knows who I am even the ones I've talked to forget who i am. So nothing I do get around. downside is there's no girl watching me secretly wanting me. I was as invisible in high school as I am now 8 years later.
How do you know you are invisible? Maybe the girl who likes you is invisible to you too! A lot of times you never, ever know that a girl likes you because she will tell her best friends, swear them to secrecy and then never tell you or give you a clue about it. She's waiting for you to give her a hint by flirting or something so she can flirt back. Most don't want to be the one to make the first move, although when I hit my late teens and early 20's, I didn't mind doing it and preferred to do it that way because all the cards are on the table then. I hate not knowing whats going on, so I'd rather just say "Hey, wanna go get some supper with me Friday? My treat" than have that agonizing time of wondering if this look he gave me meant this or that, and was that a flirt or not, etc. And the stalking, hysterical, etc thing wasn't directed at you, but I've read some doozies on here about reactions of guys who get dumped or rejected. It was more about those.
1. I don't get seen by girls for them to like me. but when in college and high school, no one noticed me. I went thru got good grades, helped out the school lunch, went on German class field trips. College was even worse. I went to classes then back home. People in the classes didn't talk to me or notice me. only exception being speech class where we were forced to do stuff, including survival island. I was #3 to be voted off in order to save others. also I'm ugly, girls don't look at me, I'd know I glance at girls a lot. only one time did a girl look at me when walking away, probably cause she was wondering why a creepy guy was looking at her. I pay attention to everyone around me, for safety reasons. Rode the bus a lot too, no one ever wanted to sit next to me and women never looked twice at me.
we live in 2014, women should just go ask guys out. there was lady in high school that asked me if i was lonely in passing, but I presume it was to make fun of me. girls in the past have pretended to like me to set me up to to be the joke for their friends.
I can say if a woman approached me like you said, I would either say no or go with seeing it as friends(which is why i'd say no) though I don't know I've never been asked such a thing by a girl, I don't even get invited to do stuff by friends much(though i don't have any really) but like the coworkers will go do stuff together and they never invite me. though they apparently like me a lot. Its very confusing . I mistook one for being interested in me and tried testing the water to find it it wasn't.
I get depressed especially right after being rejected. I go super emotional. if they ask me stuff, during this they will get a depressed reply. unfortunately when a girl rejects me sometimes they like lets be friends, and I'm too loyal to say no you being my friend is harmful to my health. I'm honest though and do tell them when they say something hurtful. also moderate emos are pretty :$
Oh, everybody blames others for their own situation from time to time. Thats natural. What I'm talking about is a constant "I can't get dates because of jocks/jerks/alphas/etc" type mindset which you can see here on this forum fairly often. I don't remember you doing it though. Most of what I'm saying is to those kinds of guys here, although no matter how many times I've said it and others have said it to them, they never listen.
Holy pixals Batman! It actually worked doing it like that! I used to hit the b before I typed then hit it again after. They changed it and I didn't get the memo
as to the rest.
that for me has a lot to do with the women i see complain about the jerks, dump/get dumped/cheated on by the jerk, but then repeat it with another jerk. Now see that hundreds of times and I hope you can see why it might be seen as a logical pattern.
Yes but see, you can't tell if a guy is a jerk at first usually. You only know that after it's too late. And not every guy who fits the profile of the jerk, is a jerk. So, you have to take your chances. Then, some guys are jerks sometimes and other times aren't, and some are jerks about a few things but not about others, just like with girls. Not all girls are either great and wonderful or slu*ty gold digging b*****s. There is a whole bunch of in between there with girls. It really mainly comes down to who fits with who. The guy who might be a jerk in my book might be prince charming in another girls book, while my prince charming may be the biggest as*hole another girl has ever seen. So, it really just depends on the dynamic.
Then again, you'll see guys who say they can't even get to that stage cause they can't get a first date or a second date because other guys always get the girls instead so it's those guys faults and all the girls faults and no blame rests on them. My point with them is, if you keep trying and have never had a date, it's not everybody else, it's something you are doing wrong. Find out what it is, fix it or work around it the best you can. Most don't want to do that because it involves accepting responsibility for things.
well for me its the ugly and no job, nice car, house to self. that prevents me from getting a return message or date. I can't really fix my face. I have a temp job and been trying to find full time work, my car is a 94 corolla, but at least it runs, I can't have a place to myself until i have a gf, unless i want to have a cardboard box house while having all my family mad at me. the ones that reject me for looks hurts, but at least i can understand it even if it makes me want to die. I am upset at the ones who reject me over objects, while i meet the rest of their wants and needs. and they wonder why their search for perfection has left them alone. for the record it does bother me to get rejected cause i'm a little fat. not even half the population is athletic anymore in the USA.
jerks tend to be nice at first, but once they have the girl they stop being nice. where as guys like me will remain nice. I always tried to make her happy and share her interests. "It's listening to her, smiling at her, paying attention to what she says and to the little things. " <--- I happen to really love doing that, I tried my hardest to remember everything, but I have memory problems thank goodness most my communications are text and i saved them, thus allowing me to remember a lot of it. Ive found most girls though won't talk about themselves or their days
I ask and all i get is a disappointing "it was ok" one time one girl told me all about her boring day, and what all she does. I really enjoyed listening to her, even though the tasks seem boring her passion for it was wonderful. at last like I said I've yet to find that in another girl. I thought women liked to come home and talk about their day ,but nope Well honey, if girls don't talk about themselves or their days/mothers/jobs/periods/friends/hair/gossip/etc to you, then you have never met a Southern girl. Thats pretty much what most of us want to do; talk to our guy about things and have him listen. As for the remembering things, i don't mean remember everything. I mean remember that she once said she loves crab and never goes out to get crab so you surprise her with it. Or that she's always wanted to go skydiving but never found anybody to go with her. Or just some little statement made in passing that you file away and use to surprise her with later on. You do that kind of thing and trust me, she will do the same for you.
Not many southern women up in the northwest. those who are are gorgeous, thin, and looking for "the list" though I don't know why sicne they only plan to move back when finished with college.
as for the remembering stuff. I did do that I was going give gifts for Christmas that all had a connection to stuff she said. like sushi socks cause she loved sushi so much. what I learned was women don't want gifts.
I don't make public scenes, I act like it didn't bother me, go home and cry. "hysterical(depressed)" guilty later if they bring it up or are texting me saying they rejecting me or ask about it later. the one girl seems to like rubbing in that shes with someone else, one time admit-ed it. I've never stalked a woman o.O not if they tell me they not interested. now I messaged some that we'd talked for years and then suddenly just stopped talking to me with no warning. I tried to continue talking to them then ask why they weren't replying, spaced out message every 2 weeks. then after a few just gave up. If a woman tells me they want space for a set number of days I give them it. I'm very respectful when told whats going on. well no girl knows who I am even the ones I've talked to forget who i am. So nothing I do get around. downside is there's no girl watching me secretly wanting me. I was as invisible in high school as I am now 8 years later.
How do you know you are invisible? Maybe the girl who likes you is invisible to you too! A lot of times you never, ever know that a girl likes you because she will tell her best friends, swear them to secrecy and then never tell you or give you a clue about it. She's waiting for you to give her a hint by flirting or something so she can flirt back. Most don't want to be the one to make the first move, although when I hit my late teens and early 20's, I didn't mind doing it and preferred to do it that way because all the cards are on the table then. I hate not knowing whats going on, so I'd rather just say "Hey, wanna go get some supper with me Friday? My treat" than have that agonizing time of wondering if this look he gave me meant this or that, and was that a flirt or not, etc. And the stalking, hysterical, etc thing wasn't directed at you, but I've read some doozies on here about reactions of guys who get dumped or rejected. It was more about those.
1. I don't get seen by girls for them to like me. but when in college and high school, no one noticed me. I went thru got good grades, helped out the school lunch, went on German class field trips. College was even worse. I went to classes then back home. People in the classes didn't talk to me or notice me. only exception being speech class where we were forced to do stuff, including survival island. I was #3 to be voted off in order to save others. also I'm ugly, girls don't look at me, I'd know I glance at girls a lot. only one time did a girl look at me when walking away, probably cause she was wondering why a creepy guy was looking at her. I pay attention to everyone around me, for safety reasons. Rode the bus a lot too, no one ever wanted to sit next to me and women never looked twice at me.
we live in 2014, women should just go ask guys out. there was lady in high school that asked me if i was lonely in passing, but I presume it was to make fun of me. girls in the past have pretended to like me to set me up to to be the joke for their friends.
I can say if a woman approached me like you said, I would either say no or go with seeing it as friends(which is why i'd say no) though I don't know I've never been asked such a thing by a girl, I don't even get invited to do stuff by friends much(though i don't have any really) but like the coworkers will go do stuff together and they never invite me. though they apparently like me a lot. Its very confusing . I mistook one for being interested in me and tried testing the water to find it it wasn't.
I get depressed especially right after being rejected. I go super emotional. if they ask me stuff, during this they will get a depressed reply. unfortunately when a girl rejects me sometimes they like lets be friends, and I'm too loyal to say no you being my friend is harmful to my health. I'm honest though and do tell them when they say something hurtful. also moderate emos are pretty :$
I can do the friends thing if it's a mutual rejection type thing, or if I wasn't all that into him to begin with, or if enough time has gone by. I'm still good friends with several ex boyfriends of mine. A couple of them are actually friends of the family and hang out with my husband from time to time. Honestly, those turn out to be good friends because they know me so well that I don't have to explain everything about myself to them.
ah sounds lucky.
This whole knowing how to do the bold thing now really rocks! I'm entirely too pleased over learning how to do it. Thank you for telling me!
you're welcome. :S
02 Mar 2014, 3:59 am
leafplant wrote:
sly279 wrote:
first to both what if its not regularly but later on? everyone blames people time to time. and sometimes it is others fault.
But blaming others, even if it is their fault, takes away power from you and gives it to them. And then you are a victim. In every situation in life, no matter what it is, there is a simple choice:
a) am I part of the problem
or
b) am I part of the solution
Both/neither/I don't know/human. Isn't that really black and white?
Quote:
as to the rest.
that for me has a lot to do with the women i see complain about the jerks, dump/get dumped/cheated on by the jerk, but then repeat it with another jerk. Now see that hundreds of times and I hope you can see why it might be seen as a logical pattern. ...
etc
The actual problem isn't being a nice guy, it's being autistic and expecting that your pre-learned set of behaviours will generate a desired outcome in every situation. Life is not a video game. Rules get changed all the time and nobody actually knows what they are. Actually, most of the times there are no rules, and in dating especially, you have to navigate your way around as if you were negotiating an unknown mine field. Autistic guys in particular are completely disadvantaged in this arena because they lack the ability to interpret social cues intuitively and on the fly but instead rely on a script - like what you are doing..
"so, I have read that women like a, b and C, so yes, I am doing all of those, why is it not working?'
I know there isn't a script, there is most certianly rules set by society, though. how to behave, pay for the dinner, wait to call again, don't do ____ etc. Every woman is an unknown mine
I'm just a stupid guy who navigates the minefield for the mines (joking kinda) women are confusing even to themselves I hear. I plan when to do things then do them by the fly lol. I'm apparently quite fun to be with on a date or hang out with. its the door and list to get in that I get stuck on)It's like a a man in a wheelchair stuck at the bottom of the stairs, saying to himself, I am giving it full power, why am I not going up?
I'm more of the man in the wheelchair saying " why haven't they built a ramp"
I know what my problems are, there just isn't a solution to most of them. So I hope for a kind woman who is able to accept and see past problems to see the greater whole.So, you have to accept your shortcomings and do your best to compensate for them but also realise that even your utmost best may actually never be good enough and find a way to be ok with that. Because it's not about getting laid, in life, it's about how you forge your character on the way from the cradle to the grave.
I do it for emotional connection not to get laid, there's business for getting laid. >.> If you're able to be happy alone more power to you. the day when I'm able to accept there's no hope and I'm going be alone forever is the day I won't have any reason to not end it. I don't look forward to that day.
its all about different kinds of people, those who can be alone and have goals that are about achievements, and people like me who can't be alone. My life goal is to have a family which is something I'll never achieve alone. Now if someone invent Equilibrium(a fictional drug that removes all emotion: Happy, sad, anger, depression, love etc) I'd take that. To feel nothing. though clearly there's danger of a logical only life, but seems worth the risk.
17 Mar 2014, 5:33 am
17 Mar 2014, 5:44 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
886 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
My signature from now on.
Try YTD? Or maybe since we joined? In the hundreds
We would need Alex for that.
HEY ALEX!! GOD OF THE WP!! I am nicely summoning you for a request!! !
Can you tell us how many Nice Guys threads are out there on WP?
17 Mar 2014, 3:32 pm
17 Mar 2014, 10:58 pm
17 Mar 2014, 11:58 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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