Should I stop being friends with him?

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DevilKisses
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18 Mar 2014, 9:09 pm

I met this guy at a social skills group at school. We have the same sense of humor, so I enjoy joking around with him. There's one problem, he wants to be more than friends and I just want to be friends. Even though I've been rejecting him politely, he always waits about a month and asks about having a relationship with me. I haven't been talking to him much lately, but he'll probably bring up the relationship stuff if I start talking to him more. The worst thing is, is that he already has a girlfriend.


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spiraloutkeepgoing
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18 Mar 2014, 9:26 pm

There are two red flags here to me: One, you have told him politely that you just want to be friends, but he keeps persisting. Two, he has a girlfriend. He isn't being considerate of your feelings, and on top of that, he already has a girlfriend. Maybe it would be in your best interest not to be friends with him.



Dantac
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18 Mar 2014, 9:35 pm

You could quickly put an end to it by calling him out on the GF thing.

Something like telling him that you would never want to be the GF of someone who cheats the way he is obviously trying to do.



thewhitrbbit
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18 Mar 2014, 11:36 pm

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Something like telling him that you would never want to be the GF of someone who cheats the way he is obviously trying to do.


For the win :)

If you really want to get rid of him, expand that to say "i don't associate with cheaters"



Woodpecker
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19 Mar 2014, 1:09 am

My view is that we all have moral and ethical standards, I imagine as a young lady you would be disgusted at the idea of your man going off and cheating on you with another woman. So if you go with a man who you know that is cheating on another woman, you will always have in the back of your mind the knowlege that he cheated on some woman so what is to stop him cheating on me years / months / weeks / days later.

I think that if you knowingly help a person cheat on their partner you share some of the moral responsibility for the illicit sex, I imgine that the idea of cheating on a partner goes against your moral standards. You could explain to him that

1. If I let you cheat on your young lady with me then how would I be able to trust you not to cheat on me.
2. That having a relationship with me while you are still with the other woman is morally wrong, it is harmful to her thus I do not feel good about it.

If he still does not get it point out

3. He has fallen short of the standards which you expect in a boyfriend / lover / whatever you call a partner these days. This falling short is very unattractive.

After that if he bothers you for sex, a date or a relationship then I would avoid him totally. Trust me their are decent good men out there.


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hale_bopp
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19 Mar 2014, 1:57 am

Id stop being friends with him.



Deuterium
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19 Mar 2014, 3:37 am

I would permanently dissociate from anyone who suggests that they're okay with cheating. That is proof enough to me that they are not a good person.

Personally, if I knew who the boyfriend/girlfriend was, I would tell that person what's going on, too, because I would want to know if I were in their position.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Mar 2014, 3:49 am

Yes, of course, stay friends with him. You're a little devil after all.



hale_bopp
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19 Mar 2014, 3:50 am

Deuterium wrote:
I would permanently dissociate from anyone who suggests that they're okay with cheating. That is proof enough to me that they are not a good person.

Personally, if I knew who the boyfriend/girlfriend was, I would tell that person what's going on, too, because I would want to know if I were in their position.


You also have to remember a lot of people make up lies and tell people, so you can't expect them to believe you. Personally, I would just butt out but give him a wide berth. If he says anything, just say "I think you're a cheating liar, go away".



DevilKisses
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19 Mar 2014, 5:02 am

Deuterium wrote:
I would permanently dissociate from anyone who suggests that they're okay with cheating. That is proof enough to me that they are not a good person.

Personally, if I knew who the boyfriend/girlfriend was, I would tell that person what's going on, too, because I would want to know if I were in their position.

I have no idea who his girlfriend is. All I know is that she's goes to a Christian school and she takes him on shopping trips.

I don't really want to dissociate from him because I don't really have any other friends. I have too much social anxiety to approach other people.


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886
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19 Mar 2014, 5:30 am

Well, you're not leading him on and he's not making you feel unsafe, so there's really no harm.


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Uprising
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19 Mar 2014, 6:34 am

DevilKisses wrote:
Deuterium wrote:
I would permanently dissociate from anyone who suggests that they're okay with cheating. That is proof enough to me that they are not a good person.

Personally, if I knew who the boyfriend/girlfriend was, I would tell that person what's going on, too, because I would want to know if I were in their position.

I have no idea who his girlfriend is. All I know is that she's goes to a Christian school and she takes him on shopping trips.

I don't really want to dissociate from him because I don't really have any other friends. I have too much social anxiety to approach other people.

Maybe she's his right hand.

Just saying.



Stalk
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19 Mar 2014, 7:34 am

Seems pretty normal, they check in to see if you are available. Once you are single, they will pounce on you. So, say to him that you are not available, or lie and say you are in a relationship. That is what most "normal people" do.

So drop the anxiety.



Jono
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19 Mar 2014, 8:13 am

DevilKisses wrote:
I met this guy at a social skills group at school. We have the same sense of humor, so I enjoy joking around with him. There's one problem, he wants to be more than friends and I just want to be friends. Even though I've been rejecting him politely, he always waits about a month and asks about having a relationship with me. I haven't been talking to him much lately, but he'll probably bring up the relationship stuff if I start talking to him more. The worst thing is, is that he already has a girlfriend.


First of all, ask him why he wants to be in a relationship with you if he already has a girlfriend. Tell him that you're not interested in having an affair with someone who is already in a relationship. Secondly, tell him straight that you're not interested in having a relationship with him and if he still tries to push it after that, then cut contact with him.



Archdevilius
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19 Mar 2014, 10:49 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Id stop being friends with him.


Harsh.

A lot of people get hit on by their friends, I have been asked out by girls I befriended, I just politely said no. If she is leading him on for an attention or if he is stalking or hitting on her in a vulgar consistent way, yes they should stop being friends but that's out of order if he is just politely asking her out.



Dantac
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19 Mar 2014, 11:54 am

Archdevilius wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Id stop being friends with him.


Harsh.

A lot of people get hit on by their friends, I have been asked out by girls I befriended, I just politely said no. If she is leading him on for an attention or if he is stalking or hitting on her in a vulgar consistent way, yes they should stop being friends but that's out of order if he is just politely asking her out.


But how many hit on a friend while they already are in a relationship?

Once a cheater always a cheater. People like that deserve no trust and without trust there is no relationship. Not even friendship.