Girls, how strict are you when it comes to looks?
am I the only person at a dating site who actually checks out the profile, questions and tests? Thing is I was recently messaged by a womon who thought we were pretty "compatible" and we had hundreds of questions in common - in the first four pages I found questions that were deal breakers for me. I asked her about them (the single biggest deal breaker was she was a racist, and yes I am Caucasian - I just can't stand judging people by a silly thing like their heritage). After about 3 messages she quit, I have no idea why.
No, you are not the only person who checks all those things out. I think I mentioned before that, due to my slow internet at home, I can read the whole profile before the pictures load. If the profile is great, the pictures have to be truly awful for me to completely lose interest.
It's kind of a moot point for me, though, since I'm not really looking, so I rarely go so far as to read someone's answers to the questions. I browse through profiles in Quickmatch as a way to pass time when I'm bored, and I skip the vast majority of them. The exception is if the dude says something really offensive in his profile, in which case I rate him one star so that hopefully he won't pop up in the rotation again. The rest of the time I spend on there is either moderating reported photos, or reading the scammer messages I receive (about 3 out of 4 messages I receive are from scammers), or reporting the profiles of the scammers who send me those messages.
this sort of garbage really makes me wonder if dating sites are worth anything to me at least. I have been on dating sites for years with no good results
but I have finally met someone OUTSIDE of a dating site
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starrynightmare
Blue Jay
Joined: 12 Mar 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 98
Location: Orlando, FL, USA
I think I'm pretty strict in general, and when it comes to looks, yes, unfortunately. I have a couple of deal-breakers as far as appearance.
One is not to be significantly larger than me. I'm a petite lady and "larger" guys (either muscular or overweight) tend to intimidate me in general.
Two is to have a good amount of hair (on one's head). Baldness/buzz cuts/extremely short hair is a total no for me. I have no clue why but it's just unattractive to me.
Also, excellent hygiene and a classy wardrobe (you actually care about what you wear) are big plusses/almost requirements.
I also am not interested in super-buff bodies - average is good. Obesity is a deal-breaker for me, but I actually prefer a man with a bit of padding in the middle (also known as a slight "beer gut"). Dunno why I like that, but I do.
That said, if I met a man who ticked all the requisite personality boxes (and who I had "chemistry" with), I would overlook a LOT of physical flaws.
Obesity is an offensive term in this forum, I've used it once and ladies jumped down my throat.
I happily refer to myself as a pork chop, or pop-n-fresh, but I know better to refer to a female in those terms
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,050
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Boo, you have clearly misunderstood. Perhaps this is due to a language barrier. I appreciate that English is not your native language (and I'd just like to take this opportunity to compliment you on how well you write it) so perhaps you don't understand what I mean by "dry" lips.
I don't mean dry in the sense of "not wet." I mean dry in the sense of "not moisturised."
Having dry lips is a VERY, VERY big dealbreaker for me indeed. The reason is that I love kissing.
Kissing is extremely important in any relationship. It's not a "minor" thing at all.
Also, it's not about lip "type," in the sense of the type of lips you were born with. Rather, it's about the condition of the lips. You can't help the lips you were born with, but you can do something about the condition of your skin.
I find it extremely unpleasant to be kissing someone who has A. bad breath or B. cracked skin on their lips. Therefore, I am not attracted to people who do not brush their teeth or take proper care of their lips, because I know that being kissed by them would not feel nice.
I have been kissed by someone with cracked lips before, and, believe me, it feels absolutely horrible. It basically feels like some dry scales are spiking into your own soft lip tissue and scratching you.
My dislike of being kissed by someone with dry lips does not make me "shallow." It just means that I have certain minimum standards when it comes to personal grooming in the opposite sex.
Let's put it this way: I would not want to have sex with a man who has cracked skin all over his penis. Equally well, I would not want to kiss a man who has cracked skin all over his lips. It both looks and feels disgusting.
Healthy lips and healthy penis are both major dealbreakers that are not "minor" things at all, because kissing and sex are both major parts of a relationship and in order to enjoy them, the other person's body has to be healthy and well looked-after, so that it feels nice when it makes contact with yours.
Perhaps in your country and culture, taking care of the lips to ensure they look and feel kissable is not seen as a major priority. Or perhaps it's only something that women do, and a man using lip balm would be seen as unmanly. Here, in my country, it isn't like that. More and more men are using lip balms and facial moisturisers. Men who have nasty flaky lips are less likely to get kissed. There are more and more ladies who tend to prefer men who are well-groomed. There's even a word for those kind of men: metrosexual.
I like metrosexual men. That doesn't make me "shallow" or "picky." It just means I like a man who keeps himself clean and well-groomed. I don't think that's really too much to ask!
There's no language barrier in text, I understand you completely well.
I suspect how representative you are of the typical Western woman because from what I've encountered, they aren't really fond of metrosexuals, yes they like muscles and fit bodies, but not those who use cosmetics, take care too much of eyebrows, hair and the likes.
In fact, the guy in the picture is typically metrosexual.
I'm not sure how to answer this because it's been so long since any guy took interest in me. I am definately attracted to men whom I think are good looking. Most recently I was watching Forbrydelsen and I just thought that the man who plays Troels Hartmann was absolutely stunning. I don't usually look at people's eyes, irl or on tv, but I couldn't stop watching his beautiful blue eyes.
I think that physical attraction is important to humans. It is the way we are wired. However, I do geniunely believe that once you get to know someone and start to fall for their personality then you can sometimes start to see the things about them that are physically attractive too. I think everyone has something about them that is attractive to the eye.
My boyfriend has wonky teeth he has the money to fix but never did and I am thankful for that! His skin tells where he's been, he has a roadmap of life experiences across his not-quite-yet middle aged face, I think his crow's feet, there even when he is kissing me and my eyes are right in front of them, are the sexiest thing ever, the face I see when he looks into my eyes and is loving me with all his heart, is not a face anyone else will ever see, it is a gift just for me and it is burned into my brain forever and still makes my pulse race just thinking about it though we've been apart for awhile. His face is not conventionally handsome but for the first time in my life, I found a face I knew right away I could, and would, love forever. Even when he distorts it so unaware when he is focusing on something, it's still beautiful to me! It shows his innocence in a way, to someone who is hyper aware of every expression she makes and wonders if she looks like, well like that . I see all his flaws, trust me, and yet all I see is what are supposed to be flaws according to society, and yet to me is utter perfection. That includes his teeth, belly, feet and the other things that I would never change about him, because maybe he wouldn't be mine, but more importantly, because those things make him vulnerable just as I am, and vulnerability is a beautiful thing. It's the opened door to deeper love.
I don't think it happens a whole lot but I do think two people meet and find each other incredibly beautiful even when society at large may not. I often wonder why my boyfriend thinks I am beautiful. I am older than him, going gray if I don't color my hair every five weeks, dark circles under my eyes, I hate my ears, I know what I look like but I catch him staring at me when he thinks I'm sleeping. No one has ever done that. This is a tough question to ask, because if I made a list of what I find attractive, it would be ridiculous held up against my boyfriend. It's chemistry and something even deeper than that.
I'm reminded of the movie The Enchanted Cottage.
http://www.tcm.tv/this-month/article/62 ... ttage.html
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I am the dust that dances in the light. - Rumi
I'm not strict but then again I am. I'm strict in the sense that if I am not physically attracted to anything about you or it indeed disgusts me to think of you touching me, it ain't gonna happen. Nothing can sway me.
But I'm easygoing in the sense that there is a wide range of features I am attracted to. I don't have some narrow list. If you're cute to me you're cute to me; if you're not, you're just not.
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"More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, that is true perversion." - Harvey Milk
While I prefer men or women I find attractive, it isn't my biggest concern. Attractive people are more likely to catch my eye, but outside of that, it isn't really a big deal. As long as I am not outright repulsed by your looks, you still have a chance. I'm more put-off by a crappy personality. If you are shallow, obnoxious, controlling, closed-minded, or just have drastically different views than me, it's probably not going to happen, as I will get too irritated with you to spend time around you. If anything, you might get a one-night stand out of me. Compatibility has become more important to me over the years. I've learned I can't change people, and I don't want to waste my time trying to settle. I've dated a few people who just got unbearable to be around. I'm much more likely to date a 6 who I feel compatible with than a 10 who gets on my nerves.
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The status is NOT quo!
However, the people I hear complain about this the most are straight men who are "OMG SUCH A NICE GUY" (according to themselves) and get pissed off when a girl isn't into them and goes for someone else, who is automatically dubbed "an as*hole", even if the guy doesn't know him. In reality, the other guy is probably just more compatible with the girl, and often, the "OMG SUCH A NICE GUY" dude is actually kind of an as*hole. But then it becomes this whole thing about how girls only like as*holes and never date nice guys and blah blah blah. Also, this guy is pretty much guaranteed to be wearing a Fedora.
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The status is NOT quo!
to be fair there are women who date as*holes over and over and they themselves call the guys they had in the past as*holes IE hits them, rapes them, verbal abuses them. now imagine if those are the girls you know. I can see how it would then seem to be the norm.
i never get as far as for women to get to know me to determine my personality. This is cause of a list of things they want.