Rejected and haven't even met yet

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ToJaFro
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30 Mar 2014, 8:13 pm

spongy wrote:
Wind wrote:
When someone says you look nice, it's to be polite. It's not really a compliment. My friends say I look nice, that's the point.

The ATTRACTION is not mutual. She does not find me attractive, she thinks I just looks "nice".


Unless your appearance differs a lot from the original profile picture she liked what she saw at the beginning and that is why you kept messaging back and forth.

The you look nice was probably her being unsure of how to reply to your picture since she had seen one already.


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hale_bopp
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31 Mar 2014, 12:22 am

No-one has a 100% success rate. It's not normal. Even "hot" guys get rejected sometimes. It's unrealistic to approach 1 person and think that because it's not successful, it means it never will be.

It's not a large enough sample size, like that guy who complained on here about having asked out 4 "hot" women and being rejected by them all.

People often approach 100s of people before they get a match.



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31 Mar 2014, 1:10 am

Just because you find her gorgeous does NOT mean that looks are as important to her as they are to you. Yeah she might not find you that attractive physically but it does NOT mean that she is not attracted to you on an emotional level because of your personality, smarts & other things. She could of also said You look nice when she really thinks you look hot but doesn't want to respond with Hot because she's worried that you'd think she's into you because of your looks.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Mar 2014, 1:48 am

Wind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Wind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Are you bi? If yes then switch to males.

Every bi girl I knew in real life told me that girls are more complicated and hurtful than guys; I find their testimonies to be the most credible. And they often end up with guys.


Bi girls go with guys in the end because they are not truly bisexual. You don't get to pick and choose who you're attracted to.

Girl x girl, guy x guy, girl x guy, they will always be just as emotional as the next.

I have been treated worse by males in the past, than females. At least females only emotionally abuse me. :(

I am lesbian for the record.


Male bullies are worse because they often use both ways of abuse.

But I don't think you've been in relationship with a male.

And what do you mean they are not truly bi? If they are attracted to both genders then they're bi.
But they end up going for guys after several rejections and awkwardness from girls; they just find guys easier (their own words).


Ummm, I HAVE been in a relationship with a male, before I discovered I was lesbian at 18 and have not been in a heterosexual relationship since.

What awful judgement to assume that of me just because I identify as lesbian. I thought better of you :(


Assuming you've never been in a relationship with a guy by your own choice because you're lesbian ( therefore you're not sexually attracted to guys, it's only logical assumption), is an awful judgment?



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Mar 2014, 2:32 am

hale_bopp wrote:
No-one has a 100% success rate. It's not normal. Even "hot" guys get rejected sometimes. It's unrealistic to approach 1 person and think that because it's not successful, it means it never will be.

It's not a large enough sample size, like that guy who complained on here about having asked out 4 "hot" women and being rejected by them all.

People often approach 100s of people before they get a match.


Not sure about that, but I don't think this is true at all, attractive and dating-material people wouldn't need to approach that much.

In fact, what I've noticed with guys (and they are the ones who approach) that they often use the shotgun method, targeting based on broad criteria, and end up with the first girl who says "Yes" and (and says yes for the 2nd/3rd date) and she's not always the 100th or 20th girl, she could be the 5th to 10th.

Not saying that they wouldn't genuinely develop love for the first-yes girl, but often what made her more special than others was originally her first yes.

Alex, the god of WP, has found his gf back then with this approach:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt77685.html

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt175280.html

Years later I have realized that Alex's approach is not that uncommon tho as I was used to think! A large portion of guys "choose" (<-- what a joke) their gfs simply because she was the first one who said 'yes, the jobless job-seeker way.



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31 Mar 2014, 2:40 am

Wind wrote:
When someone says you look nice, it's to be polite. It's not really a compliment. My friends say I look nice, that's the point.

The ATTRACTION is not mutual. She does not find me attractive, she thinks I just looks "nice".


It could also very well be shyness. You really don't know unless you go out and meet..

It's also unfair to judge your looks in comparison to hers. I've been talking to a girl who's easily a 10, and I personally don't consider myself all that attractive. Doesn't mean I should necessarily give up.


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31 Mar 2014, 4:32 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Wind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Wind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Are you bi? If yes then switch to males.

Every bi girl I knew in real life told me that girls are more complicated and hurtful than guys; I find their testimonies to be the most credible. And they often end up with guys.


Bi girls go with guys in the end because they are not truly bisexual. You don't get to pick and choose who you're attracted to.

Girl x girl, guy x guy, girl x guy, they will always be just as emotional as the next.

I have been treated worse by males in the past, than females. At least females only emotionally abuse me. :(

I am lesbian for the record.


Male bullies are worse because they often use both ways of abuse.

But I don't think you've been in relationship with a male.

And what do you mean they are not truly bi? If they are attracted to both genders then they're bi.
But they end up going for guys after several rejections and awkwardness from girls; they just find guys easier (their own words).


Ummm, I HAVE been in a relationship with a male, before I discovered I was lesbian at 18 and have not been in a heterosexual relationship since.

What awful judgement to assume that of me just because I identify as lesbian. I thought better of you :(


Assuming you've never been in a relationship with a guy by your own choice because you're lesbian ( therefore you're not sexually attracted to guys, it's only logical assumption), is an awful judgment?


Yes it is bad judgement. A lot of people realise their sexuality through or after puberty, therefore they can still have relationships and sexual relationships with whoever it happens to be.

A lesbian is a lesbian because they are only solely attracted to women. It's nothing to do with their past history. Lesbian does not tell you about what women they've had a relationship with before, so why wouldn't that be the same for men too?

It would be wrong to assume you've only had relationships with women just because you're straight.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Mar 2014, 4:40 am

Wind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Wind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Wind wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Are you bi? If yes then switch to males.

Every bi girl I knew in real life told me that girls are more complicated and hurtful than guys; I find their testimonies to be the most credible. And they often end up with guys.


Bi girls go with guys in the end because they are not truly bisexual. You don't get to pick and choose who you're attracted to.

Girl x girl, guy x guy, girl x guy, they will always be just as emotional as the next.

I have been treated worse by males in the past, than females. At least females only emotionally abuse me. :(

I am lesbian for the record.


Male bullies are worse because they often use both ways of abuse.

But I don't think you've been in relationship with a male.

And what do you mean they are not truly bi? If they are attracted to both genders then they're bi.
But they end up going for guys after several rejections and awkwardness from girls; they just find guys easier (their own words).


Ummm, I HAVE been in a relationship with a male, before I discovered I was lesbian at 18 and have not been in a heterosexual relationship since.

What awful judgement to assume that of me just because I identify as lesbian. I thought better of you :(


Assuming you've never been in a relationship with a guy by your own choice because you're lesbian ( therefore you're not sexually attracted to guys, it's only logical assumption), is an awful judgment?


Yes it is bad judgement. A lot of people realise their sexuality through or after puberty, therefore they can still have relationships and sexual relationships with whoever it happens to be.

A lesbian is a lesbian because they are only solely attracted to women. It's nothing to do with their past history. Lesbian does not tell you about what women they've had a relationship with before, so why wouldn't that be the same for men too?

It would be wrong to assume you've only had relationships with women just because you're straight.


Gawd, the dramatic way you took things, I never believe that lesbians are lesbians because of their past....I've just assumed that you've always realized that you like girls only, plus puppy love is not a relationship in my opinion.

Good luck anyway.

Quote:
It would be wrong to assume you've only had relationships with women just because you're straight.


No, it is not a wrong assumption at all, a heterosexual by definition means one attracted solely to the opposite sex, If I was sexually/romantically to men in the past, regardless if I had relationships with them or not, then that means I am Bi, If I only date women today then that means I am bi either strongly preferring one gender over another or just being accepted by women but not by men.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 31 Mar 2014, 4:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

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31 Mar 2014, 4:46 am

Can we try to focus on the topic at hand and leave the discussion about sexuality to the wonderful sub we have on that topic?



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31 Mar 2014, 7:51 am

Well in another email when talking about couples and new years and rubbing it in your face with midnight kisses, she told me it's annoying too but she's not too bothered as she's not looking for anything.

Yeah, don't see me getting a chance with her.


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31 Mar 2014, 7:53 am

spongy wrote:
Can we try to focus on the topic at hand and leave the discussion about sexuality to the wonderful sub we have on that topic?


Thank you for this lol. Was beginning to lose my patience with the questioning.


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Ilovemyaspiegirl
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31 Mar 2014, 12:31 pm

Well let me first say Happy Birthday and I hope you have a great time. Contrary to what others may say or think, alcohol doesn't always make a good time better. In fact, it usually makes you do things you regret or at the very least wouldn't have done otherwise. So, I say it's awesome that you feel you can have a good time without it. I'm 41 and I've definitely got many stories of drunken nights that were great but many more of ones that I'd take back if I could.

Now, I feel I need to put a little disclaimer in here because, I'm t a lesbian or a bisexual and I'm not even an Aspie. I was married (now widowed after he commited suicide in 2011) to a man that I believe had undiagnosed Aspergers. We did have a daughter together that is now 7 years old and that's why I like to read and post on WP. It's very helpful to me to hear other (and somewhat older) Aspie's perspectives when it comes to understanding my daughter. I never want her to feel like I was one of those parents that didn't understand at all. Obviously I'll never really completely understand what it's like but, this site helps.

Now all that out of the way, I can understand how her comment on your pic made you feel like she may not share the same attraction towards you as you do her. But, you two obviously had some connection to be conversing so much. My thought is she's probably not really who she has presented herself to be. If she's really that beautiful, why not have a profile pic to begin with?! It just doesn't make since. I'd definitely ask her to skype before you put yourself in the awkward position of being around her and a bunch of your friends without having ever actually seen her. Can you just imagine if this girl does show and she's butt ugly and nothing like her pic?! You'll likely feel compelled to be an ass to her because of your friends being here and honestly, that's not the right thing to do (no matter how tempting because she lied yo you to begin with). I don't mean to be negative but, I have met many ppl back in my time over the phone (we didn't have internet till I was an adult already so we used phone chat lines and such. That was usually VERY deceiving. It's amazing how different someone can sound from how they look lol) in my personal experience, ppl usually aren't what they make themselves seem.

Even if she is that beautiful in real life, like someone else posted, she knew what you looked like from your profile pic when she started talking to you. Therefore, I doubt that she didn't have some attraction to you from the start or she'd have never sent all the emails to begin with. My oldest child's (she's 25 now) father and I met on one of the chat lines I mentioned. He sounded so hot and masculine over the phone and the first time we met, I wanted to die. He was FAT!! But he was also very handsome. I made myself get over the weight because I had already fallen in love with him over the phone. Now he eventually lost the weight and was a very attractive man. However, he also came out of the closet to me and was very confused himself because, despite his sexual orientation, he'd fallen in love with me as well (this our having a daughter together). It of course didn't work out because, as you stated, you can't really choose to be attracted to one gender or another.

As for bisexuals, in my opinion, they aren't really gay at all. They are ppl that are seeking love and attention from anyone that'll give it too them. Obviously I could be wrong so pls nobody start a PM or any other war over my statement. It's just my take on it and I'm nobody really so my opinion shouldn't really matter to you if you disagree with it.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong about this girl and that you two do get to meet up and that y'all have a wonderful time. However, if it doesn't happen like that, don't give up on love all together! I'm not sure how old you are but, I assure you that you'll eventually find the right one. When you do, any and all previous relationship pain will seem so trivial and rediculous!

I'll send positive thoughts for a great BD your way!!



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31 Mar 2014, 12:31 pm

Well let me first say Happy Birthday and I hope you have a great time. Contrary to what others may say or think, alcohol doesn't always make a good time better. In fact, it usually makes you do things you regret or at the very least wouldn't have done otherwise. So, I say it's awesome that you feel you can have a good time without it. I'm 41 and I've definitely got many stories of drunken nights that were great but many more of ones that I'd take back if I could.

Now, I feel I need to put a little disclaimer in here because, I'm t a lesbian or a bisexual and I'm not even an Aspie. I was married (now widowed after he commited suicide in 2011) to a man that I believe had undiagnosed Aspergers. We did have a daughter together that is now 7 years old and that's why I like to read and post on WP. It's very helpful to me to hear other (and somewhat older) Aspie's perspectives when it comes to understanding my daughter. I never want her to feel like I was one of those parents that didn't understand at all. Obviously I'll never really completely understand what it's like but, this site helps.

Now all that out of the way, I can understand how her comment on your pic made you feel like she may not share the same attraction towards you as you do her. But, you two obviously had some connection to be conversing so much. My thought is she's probably not really who she has presented herself to be. If she's really that beautiful, why not have a profile pic to begin with?! It just doesn't make since. I'd definitely ask her to skype before you put yourself in the awkward position of being around her and a bunch of your friends without having ever actually seen her. Can you just imagine if this girl does show and she's butt ugly and nothing like her pic?! You'll likely feel compelled to be an ass to her because of your friends being here and honestly, that's not the right thing to do (no matter how tempting because she lied yo you to begin with). I don't mean to be negative but, I have met many ppl back in my time over the phone (we didn't have internet till I was an adult already so we used phone chat lines and such. That was usually VERY deceiving. It's amazing how different someone can sound from how they look lol) in my personal experience, ppl usually aren't what they make themselves seem.

Even if she is that beautiful in real life, like someone else posted, she knew what you looked like from your profile pic when she started talking to you. Therefore, I doubt that she didn't have some attraction to you from the start or she'd have never sent all the emails to begin with. My oldest child's (she's 25 now) father and I met on one of the chat lines I mentioned. He sounded so hot and masculine over the phone and the first time we met, I wanted to die. He was FAT!! But he was also very handsome. I made myself get over the weight because I had already fallen in love with him over the phone. Now he eventually lost the weight and was a very attractive man. However, he also came out of the closet to me and was very confused himself because, despite his sexual orientation, he'd fallen in love with me as well (this our having a daughter together). It of course didn't work out because, as you stated, you can't really choose to be attracted to one gender or another.

As for bisexuals, in my opinion, they aren't really gay at all. They are ppl that are seeking love and attention from anyone that'll give it too them. Obviously I could be wrong so pls nobody start a PM or any other war over my statement. It's just my take on it and I'm nobody really so my opinion shouldn't really matter to you if you disagree with it.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong about this girl and that you two do get to meet up and that y'all have a wonderful time. However, if it doesn't happen like that, don't give up on love all together! I'm not sure how old you are but, I assure you that you'll eventually find the right one. When you do, any and all previous relationship pain will seem so trivial and rediculous!

I'll send positive thoughts for a great BD your way!!



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31 Mar 2014, 1:29 pm

Ilovemyaspiegirl wrote:
Well let me first say Happy Birthday and I hope you have a great time. Contrary to what others may say or think, alcohol doesn't always make a good time better. In fact, it usually makes you do things you regret or at the very least wouldn't have done otherwise. So, I say it's awesome that you feel you can have a good time without it. I'm 41 and I've definitely got many stories of drunken nights that were great but many more of ones that I'd take back if I could.

Now, I feel I need to put a little disclaimer in here because, I'm t a lesbian or a bisexual and I'm not even an Aspie. I was married (now widowed after he commited suicide in 2011) to a man that I believe had undiagnosed Aspergers. We did have a daughter together that is now 7 years old and that's why I like to read and post on WP. It's very helpful to me to hear other (and somewhat older) Aspie's perspectives when it comes to understanding my daughter. I never want her to feel like I was one of those parents that didn't understand at all. Obviously I'll never really completely understand what it's like but, this site helps.

Now all that out of the way, I can understand how her comment on your pic made you feel like she may not share the same attraction towards you as you do her. But, you two obviously had some connection to be conversing so much. My thought is she's probably not really who she has presented herself to be. If she's really that beautiful, why not have a profile pic to begin with?! It just doesn't make since. I'd definitely ask her to skype before you put yourself in the awkward position of being around her and a bunch of your friends without having ever actually seen her. Can you just imagine if this girl does show and she's butt ugly and nothing like her pic?! You'll likely feel compelled to be an ass to her because of your friends being here and honestly, that's not the right thing to do (no matter how tempting because she lied yo you to begin with). I don't mean to be negative but, I have met many ppl back in my time over the phone (we didn't have internet till I was an adult already so we used phone chat lines and such. That was usually VERY deceiving. It's amazing how different someone can sound from how they look lol) in my personal experience, ppl usually aren't what they make themselves seem.

Even if she is that beautiful in real life, like someone else posted, she knew what you looked like from your profile pic when she started talking to you. Therefore, I doubt that she didn't have some attraction to you from the start or she'd have never sent all the emails to begin with. My oldest child's (she's 25 now) father and I met on one of the chat lines I mentioned. He sounded so hot and masculine over the phone and the first time we met, I wanted to die. He was FAT!! But he was also very handsome. I made myself get over the weight because I had already fallen in love with him over the phone. Now he eventually lost the weight and was a very attractive man. However, he also came out of the closet to me and was very confused himself because, despite his sexual orientation, he'd fallen in love with me as well (this our having a daughter together). It of course didn't work out because, as you stated, you can't really choose to be attracted to one gender or another.

As for bisexuals, in my opinion, they aren't really gay at all. They are ppl that are seeking love and attention from anyone that'll give it too them. Obviously I could be wrong so pls nobody start a PM or any other war over my statement. It's just my take on it and I'm nobody really so my opinion shouldn't really matter to you if you disagree with it.

I sincerely hope I'm wrong about this girl and that you two do get to meet up and that y'all have a wonderful time. However, if it doesn't happen like that, don't give up on love all together! I'm not sure how old you are but, I assure you that you'll eventually find the right one. When you do, any and all previous relationship pain will seem so trivial and rediculous!

I'll send positive thoughts for a great BD your way!!


Thank you for the birthday wishes, and I don't know how to ask her for a Skype call or something, when it's so close now.

She /says/ she didn't have a picture on there, or her real name, because she's not out yet, and when she E-mails me, her story adds up, and she did tell me her real name (her first name) and sent me a picture, but I dunno, even if she's the real deal, I've not got my hopes up. She's made it clear to me that she's not looking for a relationship :/


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03 Apr 2014, 9:46 am

I told this person I won't be emailing them any more.

They told me they don't want to come to my birthday meal any more and only want to meet up alone.
I said I'm not comfortable meeting up alone and it's not safe. Perhaps a Skype voice call would help before we meet.

They said they weren't comfortable with that idea and that' I guess we'll just be Internet friends', which straight away seemed off.

I told them since they can't prove they're who they say they are, they don't want to have a Skype voice call yet willing to meet so anonymously on our own, and that I don't need more Internet friends, that I won't be emailing any more.

Way too dodgy.


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03 Apr 2014, 10:19 am

Tell them: f**k you! you fake b***h! Uncomfortable my ass!!