Having a crush / Falling in love

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This has always been quite a big problem to me: Falling in love.

It is so weird (in a really bad way) to have that strong feelings towards someone, when the emotional attachment that I usually have to anybody is... almost non-existent. I have one of two good friends that I love a lot and couldn't live without. But it takes literally years to reach that kind of bond with anybody. Except when I falling in love. I don't need to even know that person well, I could still develop a crush to them. I meet someone nice, and then suddenly develop a crush on them (even without really knowing them). It's like obsession. And it really tears me apart. Because normally I wouldn't be even bothered thinking about some new dude I've half-randomly met (like in school or so), not to mention that I would be interested to spend some time with them outside the school/work/whatever. But when I have a crush it's all I can think of. And I'm all the time planning how I could see them again or how and when we would spend some tome together. It makes me sick. Feels like my head's gonna explode from the frustration! Having a crush would be okay (I think) if I were social and liked to hang out with people any way. Because then the urge to spend time with this one specific person wouldn't be so harshly against the fact that I don't normally want to be around people too much.

Any one else have this kid of problems? Or in generally, how do you feel about having a crush? (And How easily do you fall in love any way?)
Unfortunately I can fall in love quite easily. And the reason is almost always the same: They have a strong facial expressions. (And a lot of them too.)
And my feelings wont fade away too easily either. If I fall in love with someone, I'll be in love with them as long as I don't get directly and clearly rejected by my crush. Even if it's clear they don't like me, it wont chance anything if they don't tell me that straight.

you're not alone! i have almost exactly the same problem! I don't really bother with people, but then ill see a really attractive and nice guy and ill just develop a crush, so i dont know about you, but i either dont care at all or i have a crush and its weird and very frustrating

Hmm I don't tend to fall in love like that... Since I was 14 I only got interested in two guys, and from 8-14 there were only 3. Nearly all the time I am not interested in anyone and for me to fall in love it takes months and months of developing a friendship first. I don't have crushes nor platonic loves, usually only get interested when we know each other pretty well and have a bond. But I don't think I ever felt "love" itself, just fell in love. Heck, in english it is confusing because you use the word love for both cases, but they are actually very different!
I think I don't have crushes because I am kind of asexual and crushes are more like feeling attracted, aren't they?
Sometimes I even wish I had those idealized dramatic adolescent crazy loves, like everybody else had one day.
I read that it is common for aspie to get obssessed about a crush, usually for reasons like the person's hair or eyes.

To be honest I still miss a friend I liked for two years when I was younger. He made me feel so... I wish we would meet again!

Last edited by linatet on 01 Apr 2014, 1:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi,

It is a very interesting topic and well described.
What I've read makes sense. I've been like that when I was younger and I think a lot of aspies feel the same way. As far as I'm concerned, I forced myself years and years ago to close myself into a kind of "shield" because I simply suffer too much emotionally speaking. I don't know if it makes sense but this is my way to survive the emotional social interaction.
I think that it is something that we don't have to undergo but to control for our own safety.

At 5:47 of the following video, even if I am not really a fan of this show, something interesting has been said, related, I think, to what is said here.
Youtube: watch?v=kyjbtJ_3vqs (sorry I am new in this forum and I am seemingly not allowed to post before a long proven existence here...)

Thank you for sharing that.
Best

You mean like platonic love (that you have towards close friends, family or even animals) vs the romantic and/or sexual love? Yeah, they are really different from each other. Though I've noticed once you've been in relationship with someone you've fell in (romantic/sexual) love, the love between you and your partner seems to chance into more platonic one, only with sexual twist (usually). The heady feeling of being in love fades away, and it turns into a stable partnership.



Asexuality doesn't eliminate the possibility of falling in love. Romantic and sexual attraction isn't the same thing. Of course, most of the people that are straight are both heterosexual and heteroromantic, meaning they feel both romantic and sexual attraction towards the opposite sex. And the same thing with gay people: most of them are both homosexual and homoromantic.
So, if you are asexual, you're not sexually attracted to anybody, but you may still be romantically attracted to some gender/genders or sex/sexes. If you feel no romantic attraction either, that would make you aromantic. But how you described yourself, it sounds like you'd be actually demiromantic? Oh, and just to make clear: I don't mean to determine your identity for you, just clarifying some terms.

There's actually a pretty good illustration about sexual and romantic orientations:

Link HERE, the image wont work (perhaps because it's png?)



Oh! Yes, no and yes: Some times, when there has been a looooooong time without having a crush, I've wished that I'd have one. But when it happens it's like hell and I'd gladly give up my right arm if that would make it stop. (not really literally though ) Because when I fall in love it's just that: obsessions. (Like now I have this huge obsession of my crush's hair!)

Any way, it's a good thing to hear I'm not alone with my problem.

A crush is a temporary problem. It goes away one way or the other.

^ True. But unfotunately my "temporary" problem may last even years. Once I had this same crush for... what, 6 years? Well, not actually. It was a crush about 4 years or so, and rest of the time it wasn't even a crush anymore. It was just the obsession that remained. Well, thankfully it's history now. But now I've been in love with this another guy for a year and a half. Having a crush is temporary, but it may still be painfully long time before it fades away. Especially when I don't normally want to be with people, not to mention close to them. (physically, that is) So when it happens it's really painful.

I hate it. I like to be in control of my emotions. Also, I never like women who like me, only women who are unobtainable.

Currently in love and have been for over a year and a half. I don't like it, I at least wish I would have with someone else who is nicer, has a better personality, or likes me more.

I used to fall in love but haven't in a long while. I don't crush on people either, except superficially.

I've had one for a year now on a guy at the gym. If I don't see him around for a while it sort of fades. But then when I start seeing him around again it's full on all over again.

I'm a grown woman with a kid, been in long term relationships before etc. So I'm not inexperienced. But I've never had a crush like this before. I've tried to figure out the psychology behind it ( on my part ). I just don't understand why I feel like this.

I literally feel like shaky in his presence but he's impossible to talk to.

Hmmm... It's not necessarily only about psychology, but chemistry too. After all, feelings are basically chemistry in your brain.

And now that I started to think about this. Maybe I'd tolerate my feelings better if I'd know the scientific reasons for them. You know, I could try to view them in more objective way. Knowing the actual science behind my feelings would make them less unbearable, I think. And perhaps I could be then more forgiving to myself whenever I feel losing the control again.

Love is triggered by crushes and the mind, so it isn't fair to push them aside ilke many people I know tend to do.
I have a nice little explanation for love. Love is like a huge, terrifying wave that washes all over you. Except it's not really terrifying. It's beautiful. But man, it hurts like fu*king hell.

I remember having a crush on this girl I look at in Drama class back in High School. I looked at her constantly I couldn't stand it so I got the courage to ask her out but then I saw she was a drug addict.

Sometimes crushes don't exactly work out for me to well.

Ah, that.. Kinda sucks, pal. Hope you're okay now.
It's best to just talk a little and then make the move.

I never thought of it that way. Interesting