Aspies married to Aspies?

Post Reply New Topic

I recently wrote an article about marriage, where one partner is "NT" and the other is "Aspie". One of my readers asked about information/facts/stats and tips for Aspies married to Aspies. I don't often hear about these types of marriages, nor how different or similar they are to other marriages. On the one hand, I would think it would be easier to relate to each other. On the other hand, I could also see how it could be challenging. What are your thoughts?

Everything about marriage is a challenge.

I am interested to learn more about this as well out of pure curiosity. My partner used to be with an AS girl and said it didn't work out, but wouldn't delve into detail. Out of respect I will not ask him since my interest is for more academic type reasons then wanting to know all about his exes.

one partner had better be a lot milder than the other partner.

My girlfriend is an Aspie & we have been living together a year & a half & would be married if it wouldn't screw up her SSI, food-stamps & Section 8. I think we relate to each other alot better than we could to NTs but we both have things besides Aspergers. It is changeling in some ways thou because neither of us is independent or great with necessary social stuff like shopping trips. The girlfreind I had before her was also an Aspie but we clashed alot because our personalities & way we were within a relationship were very different. I think an Aspie/Aspie marriage depends alot on the two people; how their Aspiergers limits them with functioning, how what strengths they have, what they each need from the relationship & each other, & each of their personalities.

I was just recounting last night how contrary to what you might think, I find it VERY difficult to get along with male Aspies as friends because their interests always clash with mine. My Ex's best friend has Autism and she annoyed the heck out of me and I avoided her at all costs: I honestly don't see how I could possibly form a relationship with a Aspie. As I see it, the relationship would only if both partners had similar obsessive interests. Since mine are stereotypically male, that's not likely at all.

Hi
Just joined to see if I can find out whether there is any information about a marriage of 2 (suspected) Aspies,,,,,
So we have been married 16yrs we have 3 fabulous kids (eldest has a AS; NOS diagnosis),but have had a rocky relationship. We have separated a number of times whilst being together and in fact are separated now but amicably. Although we have lots in common and both view each other as soul-mates our biggest problem is that we are at opposite end of the spectrum in terms of sex drive. This is complicated by my tendancy to paranoia, particularly when tired, and (I suspect) an Aspie inability to accept that the reason she is not sleeping with me must be because she is sleeping with someone else. Since we both believe that we both have Aspie tendencies I also realise that MrsMiggins (a nickname derived from the famous PieShop owner?!) has difficulty in rationalising how much of an issue this is for me.
We are both ridiculously fit and both represent GB Age-Group Triathlon.
That's probably enough as a first post!!

hiya MisterM welcome to the club

I appreciate all the responses here so far. It sounds like there would be aspects that would be easier (both having Aspergers), but you've also confirmed that there can be aspects that are harder (e.g., each of you having different obsessive interests).

I think how well you would get a long in this case, would still depend on what kind of personalities the two have, as in other relationships. A common neurology would mean that you would be able to understand / recognize each other easier, but there can still be clashes with difference of opinion / political alignment.

What is the purpose of your research or questioning? How will the information be used?

The "paranoia" you mentioned could be somewhat related to anxiety; I had some paranoia in my 1st relationship because of anxiety. Some of the medications used to treat anxiety have side-effects of lowering sex drive so that might make you more compatible sexually than what you currently are. You could also try medication to specially lower your drive & there might be meds that would raise her's but those are more extreme & would be harder to get prescribed thou meds can be gotten online without a prescription(I used afew sites)



I don't think having different obsessive interest should be a problem if both are OK with indulging in their interest by themselves some. Us Aspies tend to need abit of alone time. I love spending time with my partner but some of our interest are different. We both like watching TV & like a lot of the same shows but we sometimes watch shows we don't care for to just enjoy cuddling on the couch with each other. Other than that I like spending time on computer or sometimes playing video-games; she likes reading, writing, daydreaming/thinking, artwork some, computer some, & some video-games; we don't play video-games together much because we like different 1s. Spending time on computer isn't an obsessive interest for me like it used to be nowadays thanx to being on medication to treat my OCD so I can use more time to do other things or indulge in other interests. I don't think Cass's interest are obsessive either thou. We spend time together doing other things too like going walking, shopping, going with each other to appointments, eating, talking about things, laying in bed cuddling.

My friend is an Aspie, and so am I. We do not get along at all - not even sure why I called him a friend but we've known each other 15 years. We're forever falling out. We argue over everything. We both share the same traits. So it's like a constant battle.

I'm not sure how two Aspies dating could work well together if they share the same traits. I'm just basing that of a so called "friendship" I had.

Although, if I met a girl who shared my interests and was an Aspie I'd be willing to try. I'm in a relationship though atm, we share nothing in common, she is NT. Things can get very tough between ASD + NT. ASD + ASD would likely be even more of a challenge.