Entitlement, a question

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Well, so far, you're not a freak. Regretfully, there are many with your same feelings. Do you remember a time or event at which your impressions became obvious?

Last edited by SoftwareEngineer on 29 May 2014, 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

^At least I'm honest in my nihilism. It's better to accept nothingness than believe in a false ideal.

I don't believe in a false ideal. I did my stint as a nihilist. I followed it through to the end.

You haven't accepted nothingness. You have accepted anger, bitterness, hate, disappointment, resentment. That is not 'nothingness'.

Yes I feel entitled. My fault is entirely my own. I get hit on by females I like and I do not show interest even though I like them. I am completely clueless as to how to court a female. That part of my brain does not function. I hope that I will find a female who is willing to interact with me at an analytic level. That might work. Given that my natural instincts on mating are defective I think if both partners agreed to think of the issue analytically we might make it work. The motivation is natural desire for copulation. Then in order to satisfy this desire two partners could speak about this honestly and ask each other questions like: can I hug you? They can determine issues important to them and then discuss them analytically. Facial expressions not required Of course I think only an aspie would be willing to engage in this with me. I think I can make a decent mate though, I can be really nice to people whom I know well and like. In the mean time I might try to just find sex partners but I am unwilling to post my photo online for privacy reasons (i.e. in a mating website), and my looks are my biggest asset on this lol I honestly have not really tried to find a partner or shown interest in women that showed interest in me (even though I like them). It?s a nightmare and I hope it ends. I want a mate period. I am tired of waiting! HERE AND NOW! HERE AND NOW! Lol just kidding, relax. But seriously, I think a life without a mate is worthless.
As to why I feel entitled. I believe it is in my genes. You have two primates. One feels entitled to a mate and tries to mate by any means, while the other does not feel entitled and is willing to forgo mating. Which one do you think will pass on his genes? Which one do you think was your ancestor? Natural selection has equipped us with a very strong desire to mate and we need not feel bad about it.

Last edited by hyena on 29 May 2014, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The four years I was in high school pretty much destroyed my naïve faith that humans had an inkling of goodness. They don't.

I think it is half sexual frustration (of a sort that doesn't fit easily with rationality, and thus can lead to feeding into irrational sources of entitlement society may give you) - more for those who are younger - and half... a general assumption that you are somehow deficient if you are single. The second one cuts across both genders and gets worse as you get older - family members with little sense of aspergers often won't accept your single status with good grace, and will make it down as a point of personal failure.

But yeah... it is the exception rather than the rule. I kind of wish I hadn't spent my childhood with my religious parents who regards marriage as the most important thing in anyone's life and who continue to assume I'm only single because of some kind of social deviancy.

A lot of blame is placed at feminism here by certain members. I actually think a more important shift in terms of dating/marriage patterns has been the decline in religiosity. With Christianity losing its cultural cachet, women feel less required to get married for social and economic reasons, and many member who previously would've been married due to the blunt facts of what society wanted (and gave them) - or indeed what families would arrange, as still applies in many religious cultures - these days have to do a lot more to have a basic sexual relationship (because most such relationships then saw mutual companionship as the exception). As a society we're in a more competitive, more natural environment when mating comes than we have been since Antinquity, perhaps before. The problem, the major disconnect, is that as well as the trend before, ever since the 19th century there has also been a corresponding shift towards romanticism - marital relationships based on idealised love, rather than being necessarily sensual or friendship based - there has to be some kind of unique bond etc. This kind of fits in awkwardly with where other trends went in society. So in some ways it is not surprising, given the generation gaps with these things, and the confusing messages society gives that autists - people let us say somewhat inclined to being gullible - are likely to buy it.

Were you diagnosed before or during high school? And, did the poor treatment you received sound similar to or different from treatment other autistics describe? That is, do you feel that your personal experience is unique and isolated?

^Who are you, a reporter? You ask pretty open ended questions.

I'm prompting you to think for yourself, as opposed to me planting thoughts or seeding conclusions. From what I can see, you've probably have plenty of assertions from others.

Post edit: You've been getting a lot of opposition, which is easy to reflect off of. I'm not approaching you appositionally, which may be a disorienting shift.

Keep in mind, when someone gives you something to reflect off of, they are in control of the angle of reflection. I think you might have been bounced around a bit via that angle. So, I'm purposely not trying to reflect.

Last edited by SoftwareEngineer on 29 May 2014, 6:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Nope.

I'm asexual, aromantic, and an atheist.

Honestly, at some point you have to just lay it down to to them and let them know their role is to deal and shut up, because it's not their life, and they're doing you no favors. Plenty of NTs don't marry or get into longterm relationships, either. This may sound weird, but I think one of the healthiest things that's come out of my being a single mom is that my daughter doesn't seem to have a head full of fantasies about who she'll marry. She doesn't talk about it, and as far as I can see, it's not a thing. Now and then, in her picture of the future, there's a husband in there, but he sounds highly theoretical and has mostly to do with the fact of children -- she sees that it's a hard row being a single mom, and she doesn't want to struggle like I do, so she posits a nice responsible guy with a good job. She's also grown up in the midst of the gay-marriage movement, and her main astonishment about that is that it hadn't been legal in the first place -- and she doesn't get why you shouldn't be able to marry as many people as you like, if you're all cool with it. She's got a lot of friends, and my guess is that if she winds up with a dude (or woman) who treats her badly, she'll be disinclined to hang on -- you know, there's not some dream wedding beckoning, telling her to just try harder.

The funny thing is that single moms get this shame-thing all the time: But how will your kids see a good model of a marriage? As though, if they don't grow up living in a two-parent (hetero) household, they'll be scarred and unfit for adult life.

I never thought of it as "someone special" but when I was a child, throughout elementary school, I just assumed getting married what was everyone did. So I looked at the boys in my class and tried to imagine living with them. I couldn't imagine any other place to meet my coming husband.


I never had anything but superficial interest in guys and I have never been romantic at all. I'm asexual but not aromantic, seeing as I can feel infatuation, but I'm not looking for a relationship and I never did. If I ever meet someone who will change my mind about that, that's fine, and if I don't that's fine too and as expected. It's not something that's on my mind other than when I see threads like this on the front page.
I like being free, and getting used to someone else's stuff sounds like a nightmare.

Which human? Who should be providing this need for romantic love? What if they don't like you? Does their right to not be in a relationship with you count for nothing?

You're overweight yourself; I've seen your picture.

I don't feel any at all.

Finding the right person is a perk, not an expectation.

I wouldn't say that I feel entitled to a partner, because entitlement suggests that you feel that someone should basically fall into your lap through no effort on your part. Relationships are a two-way street, and I feel that you have to work very hard not only to find one, but to maintain one as well. And I certainly don't feel angry over my lack of one, although I do often feel quite frustrated and helpless over the frequent rejections I receive (particularly since thus far, I have experienced nothing but rejections). I am the only one to blame for my difficulties, specifically due to my poor social skills, but that knowledge doesn't make things any easier unfortunately.

With that said, it is common knowledge that being in a healthy, respectful, long-term relationship can do wonders to increase a person's happiness and enjoyment in life. If that wasn't true, I doubt that we'd see half as many people getting married, starting families, or looking for relationships as we do today. Several studies have shown this as well. With that in mind, I do feel as though I am deserving of finding a partner and experiencing those happy moments, since my life feels incomplete in many ways without someone to share it with. I feel as though I have a lot to offer in a relationship if I ever do find one. Not to mention, it has been one of my major life goals since I was a child to get married and start a family. Like you I used to just assume that I would eventually meet someone when I least expected it and we'd wisk ourselves to a magical fairy-land, but over time I've come to realize that those sorts of thoughts just aren't necessarily grounded in reality.