My Girlfriend Is Ignoring Me

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FanDe
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03 Jun 2014, 8:20 am

It started 2 weeks ago... You know... There was a time when she said: "I'm going to leave for two days. I'll miss you a lot."
We went from talking every day for 6-8 hours to exchanging a message for 3 minutes a week.
What's worse is I'm going to be leaving for two months and I won't be able to see her in that time... I told her our time is precious and we need to find time to talk.
She just ignored my message. I'm feeling so depressed that I can't even eat. I've lately gotten upset with her, like when she disappeared for a couple days and I messaged her and said: "Why did you suddenly leave without telling me?" She told me that she just can't give me the time I want. I told her later that I was so upset that I was going to leave for a week and not talk to her, I left for 1 week and thought about us... I thought for days... My mind wouldn't stop thinking about her. I wrote her a large apology and sent it to her for causing her all the stress because she can't spend time with me and I understand. She read it and ignored it. The next day I asked her to please read my apology, she said she'll read it later because she's busy. I can't bear the pain... A few weeks ago, when she got busy, before we got upset with each other I told her how much I missed her and she simply changed the subject.


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aspiemike
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03 Jun 2014, 9:16 am

She was being rude and disrespected you and you confront her and later apologize for it? I can see that as being a reason she is ignoring you.


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FanDe
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03 Jun 2014, 9:27 am

aspiemike wrote:
She was being rude and disrespected you and you confront her and later apologize for it? I can see that as being a reason she is ignoring you.

I was unfair to her, that's why... I was only ranting when I made this message. I now know what's going on in her life. She's a very sensitive person and so am I, we need to help each other so we can get through life together. Maybe she will become my counterpart.


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Azereiah
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03 Jun 2014, 9:31 am

If she doesn't want to talk about it, drop it and go on as if nothing happened.
You might be smothering her.



FanDe
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03 Jun 2014, 9:33 am

Azereiah wrote:
If she doesn't want to talk about it, drop it and go on as if nothing happened.
You might be smothering her.

You're right... I've started to realize that. I do believe I am smothering her.


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Eccles_the_Mighty
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03 Jun 2014, 12:06 pm

Back off a bit. If she comes back to you then things are OK, if she doesn't then learn from your experience and move on.


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mezzanotte
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03 Jun 2014, 1:35 pm

As painfully difficult as this will be.... don't send her any texts, don't call her, and fill your days with something positive like personal interests that you enjoy and friends who make you happy.

I'm sorry. I know how much this hurts. I know all too well....

I'm wishing the best for you.



The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Jun 2014, 2:19 pm

It's not about her being busy, don't believe that.

She's either in love with someone new or not in love with you anymore.

One can always find a time to read a large important text from a lover.



Differentialform
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03 Jun 2014, 3:20 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It's not about her being busy, don't believe that.

She's either in love with someone new or not in love with you anymore.

One can always find a time to read a large important text from a lover.

I agree. If you love someone, you won't just ignore that person. Her change of behaviour indicates that something must have changed for her. If you want to find out what exactly is going on, you will have to talk to her, face to face. But I would not expect much from such a conversation.



aspiemike
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03 Jun 2014, 3:40 pm

Ok, so after two more posts, its obvious now that I am at home and reading this... Boo is most likely right here (it's not about her being busy, otherwise she would make time for you). was she being direct in her communication with you before when telling you that you were being unfair to her? The only thing unfair was you disappearing for a week, but she had already changed before that as you pointed out.

The only things I have learned in life from these types of situations i have got in are.

1. On top of my first post, don't rationalize other people's behaviour towards you.
2. Girls that need to be in a relationship need a constant in their life at all times. this constant being the man she feels comfortable going to when she needs reassurance and someone to listen to her problems when she needs to vent and someone to protect her.


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DW_a_mom
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03 Jun 2014, 8:26 pm

Differentialform wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It's not about her being busy, don't believe that.

She's either in love with someone new or not in love with you anymore.

One can always find a time to read a large important text from a lover.

I agree. If you love someone, you won't just ignore that person. Her change of behaviour indicates that something must have changed for her. If you want to find out what exactly is going on, you will have to talk to her, face to face. But I would not expect much from such a conversation.


It is also possible that she is feeling smothered and overwhelmed by the relationship but not sure how to express that in a way that can move the relationship forward. Frozen by confusion into inaction, so to speak.

It is, of course, very concerning no matter how it gets interpreted.

Sometimes people who love each other do come to realize they are not able to meet each other's needs and, thus, a relationship ends. Heartbreaking when that happens, but that is real life.


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886
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04 Jun 2014, 6:49 am

FanDe wrote:

We went from talking every day for 6-8 hours


there's your problem

holy crap. how do you two breathe? if i talk to someone for longer than 10 minutes i panic.


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CommanderKeen
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04 Jun 2014, 6:58 am

Most likely scenario, she's a cheating b**** Don't apologize to her. She probably didn't talk to you for those days and ignored your messages, because she was "busy", busy with some other guy. Don't sweat it man, you can do better. She might get to the point where she messages you back just so she can use you as a backup if her and this new guy do not work out. If that happens, you either ignore her, or send her a message stating "Sorry can't talk right now I'm busy".



hale_bopp
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04 Jun 2014, 8:53 pm

886 wrote:
FanDe wrote:

We went from talking every day for 6-8 hours


there's your problem

holy crap. how do you two breathe? if i talk to someone for longer than 10 minutes i panic.


Seems completely insane.



Azereiah
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04 Jun 2014, 9:29 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
886 wrote:
FanDe wrote:

We went from talking every day for 6-8 hours


there's your problem

holy crap. how do you two breathe? if i talk to someone for longer than 10 minutes i panic.


Seems completely insane.


I've talked that long with most of my exes, and those conversations generally started dropping off as we lost topics to talk about.

Most couples have to make up for a lack of topics by making topics by, say, doing stuff together.



nick007
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05 Jun 2014, 2:28 am

I think Boo's rite. My 2nd girlfriend started ignoring me some because I was being clingy & needy but that was gradually getting better because I started anxiety medication. I left her alone for a week so she could study & prepare for midterms or finals(I forget which one) & when we chatted that weekend she dumped me. Her reasoning was that she didn't want a relationship with anyone for various reasons & few months latter I came across some post by her about how she was wanting a relationship :wall: I understand that I was needy & clingy & dependent & may of been smothering her & not improving fast enough but I would of felt better about the breakup & her after if she would of just been honest with her reasons when she broke up with me.

I sometimes feel like my current girlfriend is ignoring me but she has issues with depression & anxiety which I been through before so I understand that she's not always able to be there for me when she's feeling bad & she's not completely ignoring me even if I may perceive it that way. She's really apologetic when she feels alittle better & is pretty affectionate at times. I'm not always in the best mood with her & sometimes say things the wrong way that unintentionally upset her. After we've calmed down we're able to discuss things, make up & move on from it. The OPs girlfriend should at least offer an explanation & make an attempt if she still cares about being his girlfriend.


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