Woman, how is a guy supposed to listen to you?

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CuddleHug
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24 Jun 2014, 11:09 am

The question is obvious and for woman only it deals with relationships. Stereotypically woman greatly benefit from being 'listened' to when something bothers them when they are in pain etc. So I'm wondering how a guy achieves this?

And also what does a guy do to let you know that he's there to listen to you? Thus facilitating you talking to him?



hurtloam
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24 Jun 2014, 12:05 pm

Lol, I think there are a few women who want to know the answer to this question too. We don't just have people offering themselves up to listen to us because we are female.



TheGoggles
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24 Jun 2014, 12:07 pm

Use your....ears to perceive sound? And interpret it? And then maybe respond?

I don't see how this is difficult.



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24 Jun 2014, 12:08 pm

Oh, do you mean how does a man listen to a woman? Basically he asks her how she is then keeps his mouth shut and uses the sense of hearing while she answers.



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24 Jun 2014, 4:55 pm

when Im pretending to listen to people, I try to look earnest and serious and nod and at pauses say oh no, or I hear you, or my goodness. I try really hard not to interrupt and give a monologue.



Desurage
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24 Jun 2014, 5:42 pm

Watch/read movies/books and use "You?" questions.

"You seem to be upset, was it because I burned your purse yesterday?"

like that. Then offer to help. Respect the emotions she's having and check your assumptions.



aspiemike
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24 Jun 2014, 6:25 pm

I'm the type that would recommend "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" if you are interested in getting a breid understanding of the basic differences between how men and women communicate and interpret things.


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Stalk
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25 Jun 2014, 4:34 pm

her: leave me alone!
you: yes *distances yourself*
her: now go
you: ok *stays there but does not make physical contact*
her: i hate my life blah blah blah
you: that's aweful
her: i hate you
you: i don't deserve it
her: *cries*
you: ...
her: I'm glad you didn't go away
you: ok

you just listened... and didn't try to solve the problem.



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26 Jun 2014, 1:26 am

CuddleHug wrote:
The question is obvious and for woman only it deals with relationships. Stereotypically woman greatly benefit from being 'listened' to when something bothers them when they are in pain etc. So I'm wondering how a guy achieves this?

And also what does a guy do to let you know that he's there to listen to you? Thus facilitating you talking to him?


Because no sexual organs being involved, it works the same way, as listening to a guy. You could simplify the question as "How do I listen to any human being, anyway which sex." Use your ears, focus on the talking, give responses to what is said and add your own informations to it, that come to your mind, when listening to it.

I would not know, what should there be explicitly about males or females.



AspergianMutantt
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26 Jun 2014, 2:01 am

When it comes to listening one of the problem men has is we tend to think or feel were being asked to fix something or for our opinion, when most of the time they just want you to be there for them and just listen. and if you do otherwise they tend to feel your not honestly listening.


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26 Jun 2014, 11:23 am

I don't know if it's unusual, but I tend to like to listen and get to continue to know a partner's thoughts and be there when she needs someone to talk to. I'm ISFJ for personality type, so maybe listening just comes naturally to me.

I'll typically just give my full attention to listen, take it all in, and if she wants input and asks, give input on what I've heard, and after the conversation, it all naturally just gets archived. So later when the same subject comes up, I have a tendency to reference pieces of our past conversations.

As Schneekugel mentioned, most people actually like knowing they've been given the time to be heard and their stories remembered. I don't exactly find it nearly as enjoyable, unless maybe when talking to a friend, but I typically am there to listen to anybody who needs someone to talk to, and most people seem to appreciate it and not seem to take such for granted.

Also, as AspergianMutantt mentioned, trying to solve the problem or voice your opinion sort of breaks the role of listener, and is best only to give such ideas when/if asked. My father was that way, and it was always very frustrating to the point where I learned never to come to him with my problems or I'd just get yelled at for not fixing them by one of his faulty designs. I knew how to solve my problems, I just wanted someone to talk to, and to get advice and feedback on my plans, not to be treated as inept and be handed a 10 step plan because I'm too stupid to figure out anything on my own... Similarly, I'm sure a woman I'd be dating would know how to manage her own life's troubles as she would have had to before meeting me.



sly279
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26 Jun 2014, 12:37 pm

I love listening to the woman I love talk, I haven't found one who likes to talk though. :(
hows your day?
It was ok.

Me inside. ok that's all :(



KindOf
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26 Jun 2014, 1:44 pm

Hear the words. Ask questions and make comments without attempting to "fix" the situation as quickly as possible.

Emotionally intelligent guys are sexy, but very rare in my experience. All the guys I know are either awkward with feelings or try to lighten the mood with a joke... even when they asked to hear what was wrong.



FunkMasterMike
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26 Jun 2014, 7:13 pm

TheGoggles wrote:
Use your....ears to perceive sound? And interpret it? And then maybe respond?

I don't see how this is difficult.


On top of that...sometimes, I get sick of talking, because it turns into almost a lecture. Lol.
Listening for a while also is calming, and I typically learn something new. (for me at least, and I love learning)



AspergianMutantt
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26 Jun 2014, 7:17 pm

Sometimes there is no point in listening, my ex-wife was abusive that way, kept wanting to blame me for her getting/ being fat and expecting me to do something about it for her. that got old really fast.


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07 Aug 2014, 6:26 am

CuddleHug wrote:
The question is obvious and for woman only it deals with relationships. Stereotypically woman greatly benefit from being 'listened' to when something bothers them when they are in pain etc. So I'm wondering how a guy achieves this?

And also what does a guy do to let you know that he's there to listen to you? Thus facilitating you talking to him?


This question isn't obvious and the answer involves the complications of a hundred million relationships!

And also, steriotypical women DON'T exist!

Stereotypical men, on the other hand, appear to own the internet...
:roll:


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