Proposing/Being Engaged etc ?

Post Reply New Topic

Sorry for the sucky topic title, I had no idea what to put ^^;

I'm just curious about what people's opinions are on this subject...

Whilst I was living with my AS partner for a few years the topic of getting engaged came up a couple of times, but his view about it was typically logical.
He felt that living together was essentially the same, the only difference was that I'd be wearing a ring - and if I really wanted jewellery as a gift, I could just ask him for it at another occasion anyway, so he really didn't get the whole idea. To be honest I agreed with his reasoning.

The thing is, I might be biased here but the general impression I get is that proposals/getting engaged and even planning weddings etc as a girl growing up with all these stereotypical romantic ideas, it's meant to be this huge romantic gesture and it just gets built-up in people's minds over several years? I know a lot of women who aren't like that but I shamelessly put my hand up and will say before I met my straight-froward thinking partner, I always viewed it as this idealistic...thing? I heard recently in the news that some guys even go so far as to plan the perfect proposal? One look on youtube at those stupidly well co-ordinated flashmobs etc seems to show that too x.x;;
There's even a recent trend of male engagement rings and women proposing themselves so I guess things are finally changing

Anyhow. My aspie partner has recently had a change of mind - I've moved to do a course at university near my parents home, but his routines don't transfer well here so we visit each other every 2 weeks for now. But that's a different topic.
He told me he wanted to propose to me, as a gesture that he wants to be with me in the long run even though we're living apart...he just didn't know how to go about it.
I was pleasantly surprised that he'd come round to think that way (he's sensitive but doesn't usually think like that? I guess engagement is an odd concept if you really think about it?) and...essentially helped him organise it. He was nervous entering jewellery stores so I had to go with him. He didn't have a clue about how the sizes worked, or how to ask about ordering stuff. In the end, I let him pick the ring, he copied down the reference number for it, and I essentially ordered it on his behalf - with him standing next to me at the counter not knowing where to look as usual in shops :'D
He's coming next week and wants me to be with him to collect it. He already knows I'm going to say yes but knowing him, he'll probably ask anyway in his usually silly jokey way to make me laugh.

It's not exactly the most super-surprising-fairytale-romantic proposal in the world but...that's how it's happened for me? (I'm very happy but I don't want to show off or anything on forums <.<;; ) The fact that he's thought like that was a romantic surprise in it's own way to me at least.


I'd love to hear anyone else's opinions on the matter (like...I guess some people might think what's the point and some skip straight to marriage? Some people may not even want marriage actually o.o , some relationships are like that too, it'd be interesting to know anyway so do share) also any sweet stories about proposals would be nice too! Have any aspies attempted a surprise romantic proposal? Or have others had a straight-forward arrangement like mine? Or I wonder if NTs are usually the ones bringing it up/proposing themselves? o.o

Anyhow. Yeah. I'd like to know XD

As far as I know, the "surprise" proposal is very unusual, although maybe it's becoming more popular as those with exhibitionist tendencies have it filmed and put on-line.

I have never been able to understand the concept of people saying they're "going to get engaged", never mind what you're saying about preparing for a proposal. To me, that makes no sense at all.

If he has indicated that he wants to propose, then that is a proposal.

And it's a proposal of marriage, not engagement. Engagement is just the period in between.

Edited to add: Congratulations!

was never into the whole getting married thing when I was younger, I hate dresses and wasn't keen on the idea of spending my life with some guy. When I met my fiancee we discussed marriage after a few weeks and I agreed when he proposed (I knew in advance that he would propose) now I can't wait to get married and I know what dress I want and what flowers etc. I'm still not a girly person, I still hate dresses and I think the only logical reason for marriage is so that outsiders know when two people are together, though surely if two people just wore rings to indicate they were with someone then they could take them off again when they were no longer together instead of the whole legal thing which is kind of stupid really. Makes you wonder whose idea the whole thing was.
The only reason I'm not already married is that we can't afford it at the moment (the dress I want is expensive). Not sure of the purpose of engaged either except to let other people know you are going to get married. I think the whole marriage thing has just gotten more and more elaborate as the centuries have passed.

My partner and I married, when it was about having kids. We have been together for 13 years before, but there was not really a reason to marry before that. With us now planning for kids, as a married couple, we will have certain benefits as the shared partner-health-insurance... Theoretically you can gain that as well, with a lot of burocratic stuff, proofing that you are actually an fix couple, living together, but in the end a marriage is nothing else.

Even when not having pink-romantic dreams about marriage, we did a nice celebration with friends and families. If you are celebrating something anyway, why not do it in a way you like? Actually, the one with the most pink-pony-expectations on our wedding, was my mother in law, for her everything had to be perfect! She was a great help on one side, by remembering and asking us about anything, but her thoughts venting about ANY little detail, were as well a pain in the ass sometimes. ^^