I need some dating advice from women

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Honestly, I'm irritated at you because your post was lazy, and inaccurate. As for what you've said in this post, you are entitled to your opinion. Good luck!

Predictable.

Keep your hope extremely low for a second date, personally I don't think she wants a second date either.

Also keep in mind, that generally women on dating sites are constantly contacted by tons of men - so yeah, it's very probable that she can find someone she likes more in this short period between first date and second date. You as a male on dating site, can't compete her in that "shopping" power, you'll always have far less options than her and you'll always be way more dispensable until she gets hooked to you.

As a short note, and for the same reason I mentioned above, I think two weeks between two dates is too long, try to always make them one week apart at most - next time keep striking while the iron is still hot.

You may very well be right, and I totally agree with you on the fact that she has more to choose from then do I. So she might not be open to a second date, but we shall see. I just want an answer one way or the other. She can be nice and blunt, or she can be tactful, or she can go out with me again. We'll see.

By the way, I mess have *less* opportunity then a woman, but um for the women who think it doesn't work both ways, don't be too naive. It just so happens I'm in contact with some other women who are clearly interested. OMG you mean there's more then one woman in the world? YES!

Anyway, truth is, I just think this woman and I have a lot in common and I'm not the type to go shopping if I'm happy with what I have. I will if I have to though.

Then start dating the other women; and don't conceal that, if she texts while you have already planned a date with another, tell her so. In case she was playing "hard to get" or old fashioned all this time then that would sound like a bomb to her, and she might quit the act, she might ask you why, in that case tell her that you have perceived her absence of initation as non interest.

Well, I appreciate all of the advice you provided me with. Interestingly enough, I sorta pieced together advice from different folks and you all gave me an idea. I texted her to basically say I just wanted to quickly plan our second date if she's still interested. What a simple solution! If she's not interested, I give her the opportunity to tell me so and move on with her life. If she's interested, she'll let me know and I'll give her the details for our second date.

I just got off the phone with her (she called) and we talked for about an hour (with a few interruptions from my son and a neighbor's son who are having a sleep over). Not only did we talk, it was clear she was still very interested, and I secured the details for a second date.

I've learned a few lessons here which I'll use in the future. First, don't get yourself into a hole where you are texting too much, then you have to worry about if you have come across as a needy, weird person who may have ruined what isn't even yet a relationship. Second, sometimes there's another explanation. This lady keeps busy with friends and family, so her time is limited. I should feel good that she feels it's worth making time for me. Third, secure a second date and the plans for said date as quickly as possible and then don't freakin text or call very often. Now, I don't think it's a good idea for me to not text or call AT ALL because her level of interest was such that she'd like to hear from me. So I think I'll call her once during the week at some point and leave it at that. If anything, it builds a bit of a mystery.

In the mean time, I'm going to come up with some ideas for conversation so I'm not hashing out the same stuff. Actually, one area I'm half good at is using topics that come up on conversation to tell stories and experiences that are short, and relatively interesting. But I know that isn't going to cut it. I want to begin to talk about more serious things. We are, after all, having two week gaps between dates which makes things more challenging.

Thanks again for your help! Turns out she's interested, and a second date is on the way. Yay!

this whole thing is a part of dating I SO do not miss. It's good that it's mostly young people at their healthiest and most emotional elasticity who are doing it because I don't think either I or many of my peers could handle it. and this whole texting thing has got to make it all even harder.

Yeah, dating seems to have become a bit more complicated then in the past. But honestly, I think that having online sites like they do today can be an advantage for those with Asperger's overall. It helps guys get their foot in the door, so to speak. I could never see if a woman is interested in me based on signals. I need a website to vet things for me, and that's really helpful.

"I've learned a few lessons here which I'll use in the future. First, don't get yourself into a hole where you are texting too much, then you have to worry about if you have come across as a needy, weird person who may have ruined what isn't even yet a relationship. Second, sometimes there's another explanation. This lady keeps busy with friends and family, so her time is limited. I should feel good that she feels it's worth making time for me. Third, secure a second date and the plans for said date as quickly as possible and then don't freakin text or call very often. Now, I don't think it's a good idea for me to not text or call AT ALL because her level of interest was such that she'd like to hear from me. So I think I'll call her once during the week at some point and leave it at that. If anything, it builds a bit of a mystery. "

^ Good points.

Right or wrong -- that post was fun-NEEE!!

(I haven't even been following this thread -- and I'm not here to argue whether that response [above] was accurate. LOL It just made me LAUGH!)

(cuz I bet lotsa women've had to deal with that, stupid, sh**!)

Right or wrong -- that post was fun-NEEE!!

(I haven't even been following this thread -- and I'm not here to argue whether that response [above] was accurate. LOL It just made me LAUGH!)

(cuz I bet lotsa women've had to deal with that, stupid, sh**!)

Right or wrong -- that post is fun-NEEE!!

(I haven't even been following this thread [!] -- and I'm not here to argue whether that response [above] was accurate [LOL]. It just made me LAFF!)

(cuz I bet lotsa women've had to deal with that, stOOpid, sh**!)

So I've been pulling my hair out these past few days, I got the date secured, laying off the texting, and now all of a sudden I get all of these communications from women. I know eharmony advertised a free weekend of communication, but they did that for 4th of July weekend as well. I guess more women are at home.

Believe me, I'm not complaining, but as pointed out before, women tend to have more choices of men then do men. I think something like 70 percent of the people on online dating sites are men, giving women a better then 3 to 1 odds in terms of meeting somebody. So now I feel obligated to communicate with all of these women and meet some of them should we get that far. With this one lady who is very close to where I live, it looks like that's going to happen.

That's fine, I know I'm not doing anything wrong, and should it come up I'll be open with the lady I'm seeing this Saturday, but truth be told this isn't in my nature. I like to focus on one person at a time. I might be good at multitasking work, but I am *not* one to multitask dates. I'll have to keep my facts straight and be tactful when I can't remember whether I said something do one particular data vs. another.

It's funny, I was beginning to think that if things didn't work out with the lady I've been discussing this whole time, and if the other couple I've been in communication with already don't work out, I'd take a 6 month to 1 year break from dating and just focus on getting in shape, and spending time with my son. Now the amount of contacts has grown and I may run into logistical problems. As was said in the Godfather, "Just when I think I'm out, they drag me back IN!"

My daughter refers to a variety of people interested at the same time as a "rich people problem." Just enjoy this. The odds of the first woman being "the one"or "the one for now, are small." Date a few of the ladies. It can be fun [this from the person who while she was dating, always checked on where the nearest bathroom was when she went on a date. The nervousness always gave me gastrointestinal issues]

Please don't ever allow dating to get in the way of spending time with your son, though.

Apparently I'm taking your advice, Vicky. With another contact from eharmony, I suddenly have back to back dates this weekend. One at 6 PM on Saturday, and one at 6 PM on Sunday. I'm also in communication with another who clearly is interested (but has a really busy schedule for a bit).

So I may have a "rich people" problem, but I don't have a lot of free time to be dating several women at a time. Nor do I have the urge to do that. How would I ever build any type of relationship doing that?

As for spending time with my son, believe me, I won't put dating before my son. His mom (my wife) passed away, and he needs me. We adore each other. I'm PARTLY doing this to see if I can get another female influence in his life, but believe me, that won't happen until a lady is vetting very carefully by me. A nice NT woman, to compliment his Asperger father.

I am so sorry about the loss of your wife. I am glad that you are at a point of going forward with life. May I be totally pragmatic?

I have also been widowed. I found as a widow [ and I know that you are a widower,but I am sure it is similar] for many men that was actually considered a plus? Why? Because people who had never been married at my age were suspect. Also, in a divorce, there are all sorts of WHY questions. And baggage questions. And wondering if the ex will return and if the divorce made that person have problems with the opposite [or same] sex. Not with being widowed.

People who are widowed tend to receive much more compassion and understanding. Nurturing people are attracted to them. Nurturing people are awesome, especially if you have a kid. People also tend to be much more patient with widowed people.

So, I would not hide the fact that you are a widower. Let the women know right away. Really. But really, don't talk about specifics of your relationship until asked. [ if they are interested, by the second or third date they will be asking] You will always love your wife. That's fine. But be careful that any woman that you become interested in does not feel that she is 'competing with a ghost," If you find that you are comparing every woman to your late wife rather than looking at the uniqueness of the women you are dating, then you are probably not ready for a serious relationship because NOONE can compete with a ghost.

Good luck. Oh, and try to ignore a lot of the advice that seems to be taking over WP.