asexuality vs hetrosexuel with low sex drive

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beer1982
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18 Jul 2014, 6:24 am

Hi
I am beginning to question my own sexuality. I might be hetrosexuel with low sex drive or asexuality but I am unsure how to tell the diffference. How can I selv evaulate this? Any advice?



CrinklyCrustacean
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18 Jul 2014, 6:38 am

Personally, I don't know either, but AVEN (the big group on the web for asexuals) has this in their FAQs:

Quote:
I can see that people are attractive, but I don't really feel the need to have sex with them. Where do I fit?

Asexuals may regard other people as aesthetically attractive without feeling sexual attraction to them. Some asexual people also experience the desire of being affectionate to other people without it being sexual. If you do not experience sexual attraction, you might identify as asexual.

But they also say this:

Quote:
Only you can decide to use asexual as a label for yourself.


and this:

Quote:
I've only really been attracted to about three people my entire life, but when I was I wanted to have sex with them. Would I be sexual or asexual?

Asexuality and sexuality are not necessarily black and white. There is a spectrum of sexuality, with sexual and asexual as the endpoints and a gray area in-between. Many people identify in this gray area under the identity of "gray-asexual," or "gray-a." Examples of gray-asexuality include an individual who does not normally experience sexual attraction but does experience it sometimes; experiences sexual attraction but has a low sex drive; experiences sexual attraction and drive but not strongly enough to want to act on them; and/or can enjoy and desire sex but only under very limited and specific circumstances. Even more, many gray-asexuals still identify as asexual because they may find it easier to explain, especially if the few instances in which they felt sexual attraction were brief and fleeting.

Furthermore, an asexual person can want or choose to engage in sex for several reasons. Some asexual people in relationships might choose or even want to have sex with their partner as a way of showing affection, and they might even enjoy it. Others may want to have sex in order to have children, or to satisfy a curiosity, or for other reasons.

It is also important to keep in mind that sexuality can be fluid. Sexual inclination and identity may, but does not always, change over a period of time. In the end, privately or publicly identifying as asexual or sexual is your choice. No one can force a label on you that you are not sure of or comfortable with yourself.


AVEN's FAQs can be found here:
http://www.asexuality.org/home/general.html#ex3



StrangeG
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18 Jul 2014, 7:05 am

All kinds of things affect sex drive. If you're on medication for anxiety or depression that can totally kill it. All kinds of medical issues, or even just too much stress can be a factor. Couldn't hurt to get some rigorous exercise, it can help offset some of these issues.

Some of us on the spectrum can be sort of disconnected from feelings that don't fit neatly into our very rational conscious minds. It might sound strange, but I had to learn to connect to and understand how music affects me. I'm speculating, but it seems possible that this could happen with sexual desire.

Ultimately a labels are meaningless. There's no specific level of sex drive everybody has to conform to, and no exact criteria you have to meet to call yourself asexual. There are also no rules saying you can't call yourself one thing today and something else tomorrow.



kraftiekortie
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18 Jul 2014, 8:19 am

If you feel a desire to have sex AT ANY TIME, you are not asexual, as far as I'm concerned.



Venger
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18 Jul 2014, 8:20 am

StrangeG wrote:

There are also no rules saying you can't call yourself one thing today and something else tomorrow.


Yeah really, I suspect that lots of pseudo-asexuals claim to be one just to try and come-off as different/superior to most of the general-population. Not to mention the fact that they can easily change that stance later if it suits their purpose(like you said). :roll: