sex and AS--performance anxiety

Post Reply New Topic

So my AS bf, who is almost 21 and who has never been in a relationship or had sex before me, has become neurotic and self-conscious about his penis length (TMI but it's average and not abnormal) as well as about, um, premature ejaculation. He happens to come quickly even on his own. In about a minute.

I am NT, experienced, and very patient and loving, trying to make sure he feels comfortable and appreciated as a lover. Unfortunately, he has become a ball of nerves and s even "dreading" sex over these two issues. He has only been sexually active for a little over a month.

How do I calm his fears and how do I get him to attempt a change of sex technique? I read up on premature ejaculation and was offering he and I try it like so or so or so. He mumbles "meh, ok" and seems reluctant. He says it's not because of me. He was self conscious about these issues even as a virgin.

Thoughts?
I apologize for the graphic nature of the question!

I think it is a self conscious issue that he has to overcome with time. But, I would suggest to go see a specialist doctor about it.

My first time I had huge anxiety issues after that I was okay but not making him initiate and keeping it going after he finishes but most of all condoms those things might help.

You could teach him how to satisfy YOU as well. Perhaps this might help with his performance anxiety.

Also: It's not the size of the penis, it's what the man is able to DO with the penis. If done right, 4 inches turns into 10 inches. If done wrong, 10 inches turns into a trip to the hospital for the woman.

Maybe a tricky zen turnaround and sensual and erotic massage and enjoying the fact that he's a bundle of nerves?

Sorry for the graphic nature of this reply. I can't say I have an issue with premature ejaculation, but I'm not going on 21 either.

With that said, I have methods I use to extend the length of sex, because I like to extend the amount of time I spend going things I enjoy. I would recommend he learn to please you with oral sex. You'll probably have to teach him, and he might even find it "gross" at first which actually means intimidating. He should learn to bring you to orgasm through oral sex, and I'd recommend he begin with oral sex most of the time you have sexual encounters. The advantages for him are that he'll be able to enjoy a um more wet experience which while a turn on to guys, reduces friction which can slightly extend intercourse.

However, once he's satisfied you orally, I wouldn't recommend he go right into intercourse. I would recommend you be in the missionary position with him on top, but instead he should use the head of his penis to rub against the outside of your vagina, clit, etc. Frankly, it's a *highly* erotic experience, but as long as he doesn't use the shaft of his penis, he shouldn't orgasm since the head of the penis doesn't usually have enough nerve endings to cause ejaculation. If he can rub rapidly, he'll basically mimic the experience of a vibrator.

Concerning size, if he follows the technique to rub the outside of your vagina with his penis, and if he can get you to basically um yell out loud, it will be a huge turn on for him. He should be encouraged to look at his penis and see that sucker filled with about as much blood as it can pack, and I'll be it will be about the largest he's ever seen it. The point is, a guy might measure his penis in privacy while snacking on freakin watermelon or something, and come to the conclusion he has a 5.5 inch penis. But when he has an experience with a girl, he's really delivering a 7 inch penis. Very simple, a guy can compete with *himself* for penis size based on his mood, bloodflow, etc.

Another suggestion concerning size, and I may be labeled a naughty guy, but what can I say? I would recommend you both hop in the car, him in the drivers seat, and go to a romantic (read secluded area). I would recommend you pull out his penis and you both focus on it. Don't let him touch it, and don't let him pull it out, you do it. Go ahead and rub very gently on the head of the penis and every now and again gently rub on the shaft. When I say gently, I mean with one finger. This will prevent him from getting enough stimulation to ejaculate, but also make his physical body *need* to, *want* to ejaculate. This will probably make his penis the biggest he's ever seen in his life. Also, it will be a turn on for him to have you look at it as well. In essence, his penis is the focus of attention, and when he sees how big it's capable of getting, he'll feel validated in front of you. Look, I know this sounds kind of kinky, but it's actually a beautiful experience for a couple to have. Believe me, this is good advice I'm giving.

One other thing, a man is capable of continuing intercourse to an extent after he's ejaculated. Sever him some toast with *real* blackberry jam on it, and do it frequently. Since he's having issues with confidence, don't tell him why you are doing it. Also, feed him dark chocolate. Not only is dark chocolate and blackberry jam some of the most healthy foods provided by nature (they are antioxidants as well), they will provide him with a stronger, longer erection.

Everything I have mentioned above I have experience with (there goes my reputation), and really is sound advice. I hope you follow part or all of what I've described above, it should make you two have some very sexual and beautiful encounters.

Above all else, he should learn that sex is beautiful, and he should patiently enjoy it. I know it's hard for a 21 year old male to slow down, but using some of the techniques mentioned, he should experience longer sex with more fulfilling orgasms.

Thank you very much for the advice! I would love for him to go down on me.

You're welcome. You kids have fun.

It seems like both problems are really about worrying about making you happy.

Reassurance is good, but he may think you're just trying to spare his feelings. Specific requests are harder to question. Tell him what you want, and provide plenty of feedback.

As he learns to read your reactions, he'll get more confident.

[quote="businezguy"][/quote]

must depend on the penis. those who are intact have a lot of nerve endings on the tip. its quite sensitive.

I vary from ew its gross to yum me want. when it comes to oral. As I haven't had a girlfriend I don't know if I will be able to live out that fantasy or if it will be too gross. doesn't have to be cause of intimidation.



op:
sounds similar to me though I don't have PE. I don't last as long as others want, but its not a min. I am ashamed of my penis size. theres medical average(5-6"), then theres what women/men on forums/yahoo say is real average(7-9"). If I ever get a gf I will try to avoid sex when it comes to me(no bj,handjob,intercourse) I want to do oral,fingering, toys on here, then slip away to the bathroom to handle my stuff.

to get him to change, talk to him about it, I would be open to trying anything to please my gf, maybe hes the same. might try toys maybe. also some people here gave me the advice of when he gets close to coming wait a min or two and continue.

The yahoo people are full of crap.

Men usually think they are too small, the problem is literally a matter of perspective. When you look down at your junk it looks shorter than it does viewed from a step away, so we grow up thinking we don't measure up to the penises we see in locker rooms.

I've measured it and compared to some friends.

its not just yahoo. it is comments on medical studies, articles on big websites and magazines.
they say that a 7-9" penis can reach the 2nd gspot whereas a 5-6" one can't therefore women prefer the longer one.
I suppose I could try to find a short thin woman, but as I am unwanted I have to take any woman who will want me. the better solution is no intercourse.

I've never compared other men's junk in locker rooms. I refused to change in them though. I also don't make eye contact at other men's crotches.

Well be insecure about it if you like, but I'm telling you most women would be a little scared if you whipped out something way larger than average.

You've compared it to your friends', but seeing one in a locker room freaks you out? Not to judge, but it really sounds like you're devoting way too much thought to your junk.

probably NSFW, but a good program nonetheless:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev-Sc13YCX4[/youtube]

Okay, I've gotten much easier to talk about sex on the forums so I'll just share my input un-decent-tified.

Think about it, if you saw an ad for research on penis sizes, who'd you think would show up quicker, guys with bigger ones than they think is the average or guys that think they're smaller than the average, and how would -those- results change the next time some one does penis size research. (which is a kind of research mostly done by students who are dependant on placing ads/asking for people instead of for example your "National" medical organisation measuring it.)

Racial difference in penis sizes is also more a cultural/social one than a physical one in terms of who shows up to be measured, there's as much "smaller" penises from any colour as there are "bigger ones" in any colour.

Same goes for porn and guys with big dicks sleeping with more women as much as women with big tits, it screws with the statistics and expectations.

Not to forget personal experience, the chance an average man or woman having 4 sexual partners in their life will have 4 that have exactly the same size penises or breasts is much smaller than one or two of those being smaller or bigger (making the others bigger or smaller of course by comparison).

So average penis sizes are BS, (as much as average breast sizes). Not just statistically in practice as well. A penis the size of your pinky finger could be more satisfying and stimulating than one the size of your wrist. Bigger is totally not better because it creates a lot of problems a smaller one wouldn't have. It's not fun to hurt your partner with certain sexual positions or by going to deep and in terms of oral sex. Not to forget how it can hurt getting an erection with pants on or showing in public with just a semi or every time you buy "bigger than normal" condoms everyone looks at you like "yeah right".. I don't get why so many guys are obsessed with having a bigger one, I wouldn't mind a smaller one. And the funny thing is I've talked with naturally big breasted girls/women and most of them don't understand other female's obsession with wanting bigger breasts either, because all they experience is problems from it too like all sort of pains, unfitting clothes and it totally not being a sexual "addition" for them.

Anyway, after getting that out of the way;

To help your boyfriend enjoy sex more ; Let penetration and ejaculation be just one of the moves of the entire sexual encounter besides hugging, kissing, touching and licking etc, and possibly look into getting some sex toys. He probably thinks ejaculation is the last move, and so do lots of women for that matter, but accepting it's just part of it takes off a lot of pressure. Sometimes you start with it, sometimes it's in the middle, sometimes it's the last. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all. Sometimes it's the first -and- last. Sometimes it's the only thing in form of a "quicky". Same goes for cumming with women, sometimes it happens, quickly, multiple times, or not at all. Penetration is of course the most stimulating for both sexes in most cases, but it's still just one of the many tools, In my experience treating it like this allows to better tune into each other's level of horniness and will lead to "better" sex in my opinion. Like someone said in an earlier reply, if he penetrates on/near -your- highest point, it won't be "premature". A quicky will be a quicky for both of you and a long passionate night of love will consist of all kinds of things several times. (I made a topic not long ago about women cumming during sex, and although I've learned a lot from that, and understand other people have different opinions, I do feel reaching/giving sexual climax and especially together at the same time, makes sex "better".)

To help with premature ejaculation and help him last longer; Tell him to focus on breathing.. more and harder and instead of focussing on holding back and clinching shut while trying to forget as much as possible what you're doing, focus on every motion, but still clinching shut while trying to enjoy every last pump and wanting to get as many in as possible.

comparing numbers isnt at all the same as looking at another guy's junk.

I'm .... you?
well I'm .....
thought that isn't how It was brought up.

well yes the women said they didn't want a above 9" penis but not below 7"

average is different between poeple. It seems alot of women think it is 7.5" average. where as smaller guys will say its 5" where as big guys say its 8"