Autism and love

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I have never had a girlfriend before. I don't get out much because of my autism. I don't like partying or going to places with many people so I don't meet any girls at all. People where I live are mostly past 50 - 65 years old. I am a person who just likes to stay home and enjoy a movie, watch a TV show or play a video game. Most women just don't like that and want to go do stuff outside and it just does not interest me at all. Shopping can be fun or going to a zoo but it's always so busy that I can't focus and get tired really fast. Also, I am a bit protective so often when I am outside I see someone bullying someone who can't protect themselfs and I just help out which leads to conflict almost every time. I like protecting the weak. I also have bad experiences with people backstabbing me or using me for my computer skills. People can be so harsh sometimes and so cruel. I am a very sensitive person so I mostly avoid new people in general.

I feel like I am not good enough for love. Everybody around me has a love partner, their own home, good jobs, kids and so on and I just can't have a lot of that because of my problems. I can't work so I am on welfare. Most girls that hear that run like Speedy Gonzales when they hear this. My mom lives with me as well and that's a dealbreaker for most girls as well. I understand they see it as a problem but I can't let my mother care for herself.

Don't I deserve love? I am a good guy. I am a giant with a heart of gold. I am very tall (2.01m). Love animals. Always strive to be good and help people out. I can't stand injustice. I can't even play a bad character in a video game. I have autism but can read people very well. I am very thoughtful and my empathic ability is very good. I am very caring and can provide and care for myself and others. I like cleaning and keep my house clean.

Let's start with the bad things first. I can be very stubborn, but never too much. When I am wrong I can admit it. When I have a sensory overload I can be a jerk. I just need to rest for a bit then. I am sometimes a bit down or depressed. I can be very shy in the beginning. When I get lose and feel comfortable, I am very cheerful.

Now the good stuff. The main thing that I have which not many people have is that I don't care how someone looks, what their problems are. Everybody deserves respect. Everybody is equal to me. Even if I meet the president, he is nothing more than me. It doesn't matter to me if someone is gay, lesbian, biseksual, has burnmarks all over their body, men dressing like women and the other way around, don't care what disability someone has or mental problems they all deserve respect. Also, I am very loyal. I would never cheat on a girl. I would rather eat my own precious parts than do that. Can't believe some people can do that to someone. If you are my girl, I will protect you from everything. I will catch bullets for you and go through fire. And I really mean it. I have very high morals and principals. I have also never used drugs or alcohol in my life.

I talk a lot. I have always something to talk about. I am not someone that only wants to talk about my hobby's or interests. I like hearing what other people like and don't mind listening to problems. I like supporting people wherever I can. I like having fun, making jokes and making funny noises.

I have never met a girl with the same intersts as me or a girl who wants the same life as I do. I am looking for a girl who also likes watching TV shows, movies and video games (never met a girl who liked video games) and just likes to stay at home and have fun. She can also have a different hobby that she spends a lot of time doing. A person that works is also good. I can be the man that does everything at home, a proper stay at home man. Just sharing a life with someone and enjoying life together. That is a dream I have had for years now. Finally to be accepted by someone. I don't care if you have burnmarks all over your body, if you are in a wheelchair, blind, big, skinny, it's what's on the inside that counts.

I would love to hear opinions. Am I not good enough for love?

You sound like you're a good person in a bad phase in life. Wait a year or two and many of these issues will be gone.

Good things come to those who wait.

How do you mean bad phase?

I think you misunderstood welfare. In the Netherlands, when you can't work because of your disabilities you get welfare. You just get a monthly income (not much but enough) to buy food and pay rent. You get a medical and if you really can't work because of mental problems or physical problems you get welfare as long as it stays that way. This will not change.

Also, I just moved to this new house and am planning to stay here as long as possible.

Alas, I'm too old for you, but I just wanted to say that I love doing "at home" things and I too would want to find a man who actually enjoys just staying home, cosying-up on the couch and watching TV or a movie!

So, for the record, there are other people out there who might share those interests with you, because if there's me there must be others.

Like you, I have worried at how I hear much more about guys who want to go out rock climbing or playing a sport or meeting friends at the pub --- or doing drugs....stuff I wouldn't want to live like.

So, if there's one like me, wondering if anyone's out there who just loves being at home, and there's you out there wondering the same thing, that tells you something! That there are more of us out there than either of us think there is.

So don't give up hope. You can find a girl who wants to do those same things. It's just a question of how to locate them -- an online resource might be the best way to meet people that don't themselves go out anywhere to meet someone in the traditional way.

I don't know anything about places like OK Cupid but I recently saw a thread here on WP where someone says he just got engaged to be married, and he met his fiancee on OK Cupid. So, there may be hope in those directions.

I also know of many single men who live with their mothers. One is her official care-giver when all the other siblings bailed on her in her old age. Another is sharing a house because economically it just makes more sense. Another the same, as they both live in London, where rents, houses, and mortgages can be prohibitively tough, thus many adult are choosing to stay in or return to the family home.

Don't feel bad about that -- you are taking care of your mother, and that's a plus if she wants a man who is a loving, caring person who doesn't abandon people.

.

Thank you for your reply. I am glad to know I am not the only one like me. Thanks!

It's not like I don't like going outside. When going in nature or taking a peaceful walk I enjoy myself but busy areas are just not my thing. Going to a theme park just seems silly to me having to wait in line for long periods with people all around you. I like going to the zoo but not when everyone is going. I want to enjoy and interact with the animals and a screaming kid next to me when trying to make eyecontact with a lion or bear doesn't work that well

For some reason, animals react to me a lot. When there are a lot of people around me you just don't get that connection. I have in the past played with a gorilla at the window and it was like he was talking to me through his eyes. Awesome experience! A few months ago I was at a hospital and there was a trained dog for a blind person. There were a lot of people there and the dog just runs up to me and lays his head on my lap like he was trying to tell me something. Those dogs are trained to ignore everyone so the person who owned the dog was not so happy. I told her that animals always come to me like this and she said it never happened before. Next to my school there was a psychiatric ward were dogs protected the exit. I needed to go there to get some supplies for school and I just walked in and started petting the dogs that were there on a leash. The guard almost fell of his chair because they were trained to not let themselfs be pet. Maybe they feel that I love animals and have a good nature.

But I am not weird at all (sarcasm)...

I'm a couples therapist and I hear similar sentiments all the time for my clients that have not had the fullfiling relationships that they crave.What many of us do when we are not feeling a level of competence in an area, is we avoid. This is only natural, But one of my clients recently said it best, "avoidance is the steroid to worry." Anyways, try not to avoid these painful feelings and attend to them. They are important. Study love. There is a reasonable book called Love Sense by Sue Johnson and she makes sense out of something that feels unexplainable and unattainable to some.
You deserve what ever connection you long for.
I've created an upcoming conference to address this need- Love & Autism: A Conference with Heart in San Diego, CA on August 23-24....sound a bit far for you...but my point is..... You are not alone and many are in your same shoes.

Thanks for your reply!

This feeling of wanting to be in a relationship are so strong, it's unbelievable. I don't feel much else these days. Everything feels secondary. It's so strange. I have never been lonely in my life before this started and now I crave to be in a relationship. People around me only think I want to have sex but that's not the meaning of a relationship to me. It's acceptance and just being appreciated for who I am. People even tell me to just go to a prostitute but I don't want that. I want to feel connected to someone. There also is a great difference betweek having sex and making love. Those are worlds apart. I want someone to share my life with and do stuff together that we both enjoy. It feels to me like the key to a happy life. How awesome would it feel to be loved be someone, I can't even imagine that feeling.

It saddens me to hear a lot of people are experiencing these feelings. You would think we need to look for each other and help each other out. It's good that you have planned an upcoming conference for this. I hope it helps. Love is one of the most beautiful feelings I think someone can have and acceptance is something we all should have by someone. Good luck!

Thanks again for your reply!