Lets face it nobody wants to date an aspie

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I was speaking figuratively, so I apologize for not making any sense. I can see how breaking it down that it is a confusing statement. The statement is meant to disassociate social standards (society) and the standards of individuals (people). Perhaps I can rephrase is, "Society's standards suck, but people often don't suck, however, it depends on a person's own standards."

I am a part of a society with standards that do not match my own.

Does that make more sense?

i would argue that people (NTs at least) generally don't want to date anyone that's too "different" (aspie included, but this is even if nobody knows the person is aspie or even what is "wrong" with the person).

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/inde ... 708AAINHW3

Some more proof. https://malaysia.answers.yahoo.com/ques ... 552AAjED1U

Reading those two posts is sad, but maybe you can look at it from three different angles.

The first: people don't want to be with an aspie.
The second: people are ignorant of what it means to be an aspie, but have managed to fall for an aspie, so if they could learn to over come that, they would be happy
The third: read the comments that follow, there are many backing up the aspies in both links. They referred to the first girl as 'shallow' and told her that her boyfriend's autism shouldn't matter. Therefore you can see there are many who don't find it to be a problem.

Of course, I know it's easier for a person to dictate what's right and what's wrong from the sidelines when they're not committing themselves. So I can at least speak for myself on this one: I would date somebody on the spectrum, in fact, there's somebody in my life I will (when the time is right) ask out. She's a good friend and I want more than friendship, she's autistic and it's not something that I consider to be a 'problem', because it's not.

However, I am sorry to hear that your experience is not a positive one. But I don't say any reason why your asperger's should be a problem, a challenge and probably something I cannot understand or relate to. However, it can often depend on where you live, the people around you and the people you're in contact with. To my mind, this is the benefit of the internet. I've known people to find they meet more like minded people through the internet and meet that way.

I do agree that a lot of people have negative perceptions of people on the spectrum. This is very true. But not everyone is necessarily so shallow. People like who they like, and fall for who they fall. Women aren't all so shallow that they would only date a man with a sizable paycheck and\or a nice car. Some are, sure, but some men are just as shallow requiring their potential girlfriends to have supermodel-like looks. Unrealistic expectations kill romance and hurt everybody but the few who fit the criteria, and even those people may find themselves quickly bored with how shallow the people they surround themselves with are. In the end, we're all a little more unhappy for it.

Some women like a man who's a bit unusual, a bit more unique then your average man in today's society. Some men like a woman who's shy and introverted and don't mind it if she has her quirks, her issues. We all have our issues, after all. Any given NT man might have just as many issues as we do, they just have issues in different departments. They may have a drug addiction, alcohol problems or commitment issues. They may find it hard to live up to people's standards, or they may be unhappy in other ways. Any issue an AS man or woman might face, an NT man or woman could potentially face as well.

As far as fitting into society goes? It depends on your own actions, largely. There are probably thousands of people on the autistic spectrum who fit in so well you'd never suspect a thing when you cross them in the streets. You are probably a bit down, and that's alright. We all get those feelings every one in a while. Don't let it get you down too much, though! I am sure you are awesome and cliche as it may sound, there's someone out there for you!

I agree that a lot of people tend to avoid people that they see as 'weird' or awkward, but I would say that awkward people can still attract other awkward people or people that are open minded. In fact, if you dress well, look fit and well taken care of and you're confident, not too shy, many people will still find you attractive in spite of your quircks. Your quirks might even make you more interesting, if the rest of you is confident and taken care of. So, just start working on yourself. I mean, I know that some of my aspie quirks will put me at a disadvantage compared to NT when it comes to a lot of men. But I look good and I am a sweet sociable and spontaneous girl, so there will be SOME men that will still be attracted to me.

False.

Several people have wanted to date me over the years, but I'm not interested in them.

I do believe my crush of the last few years is on the spectrum and that doesn't bother me one bit - I'd date him in a cocaine heartbeat. I don't really care if he's ever "successful," so long as he's successful in the goals he has for himself. I don't really care if he never earns a lot of money, either. (especially since my income has risen and will continue to rise.) I don't care what kind of car he drives. (but at the moment his car is many times nicer than mine - but I just don't care about what kind of car someone drives. I drive a $700 car so I can save money & don't care about using a car to attract anyone else.) And I quite like his "meaningless obsessions," because the ones he's into are rather interesting to me AND, more importantly, they make him happy.

There are people with certain aspie traits that make them unattractive to me, true, but it's not true that just because someone has as traits that they're undatable. Not by a long shot.

Also, there are plenty of people on these forums who date others, or are in a relationship, or are even married.. which shows your statement that "no one wants to date an aspie," is not true.

In both this, and your previous example, most commenters, INCLUDING OTHER FEMALES, say that SHE is wrong for being shallow. The shallowness of two women isn't something that we should judge the entire gender on

You're not leftovers. And not all women want x, y and z, so don't spend too much time worrying about being too something or not being something enough. The girls who were posting those questions seem very immature and naive, I would imagine/hope that they just need some more life experience to learn that not all people are the same and that life and relationships aren't going to be easy no matter who you're with.

You seem like a nice person and there are plenty of girls who wish they could find a guy who is genuinely nice and honest. You just need to find the types of girls who you have things in common with and who have sensible priorities. Maybe I'm really naive but there are more than 7 billion people on this planet, I find it really difficult to believe that there wouldn't even be one that you could have something in common with or who you could feel comfortable with.

OP has a point, I'm afraid. It's not really a matter of our partner finding out about our condition, it WILL come up and they WILL find out sooner or later. Let's be honest here, there are a lot of problems that come with dating an Aspie, and very few benefits.

If you're an AS woman, you can do fine, so long as you're at least somewhat good-looking (though the same can be said for virtually any type of woman in any situation). But if you're a man... well, let's just say your outlook isn't the best.

Really, I think the only option for an AS man who isn't ridiculously good-looking or fabulously rich is to find an AS female. Someone who's on the same level as him and understands him. True, some Aspie traits are annoying even to other Aspies, but that annoyance is a small price to pay for having someone you can connect with the way you just can't with normal people.

I will say that as a single Aspie guy in Grad School that my girl problems and my job problems are almost exactly the same. I keep getting rejected, I'm seemingly not good enough, and if both of them took the time and patience to get to know me, I'd be one of the best they've ever had. (The only difference is that my job problems and girl problems have the exact opposite effect on my cash flow)

That needs to be become a unit of time.

I am an AS woman who has been in two relationships, one with a guy who was supposedly NT. (I really question that, though.)

My first relationship was with a guy who was three years my senior, and he also had AS. He had his own problems, and one of them was the fact that he was a Debbie downer. He had a very defeatist outlook, and that was not appealing to me.

We're all dealt different cards. Some of us are just decent enough players that when we're dealt 2 different-suit cards, six apart, we can still do alright. It's all perspective.

Was he an Aspie? Because if he was, I can speak from experience when I say it's hard not to be a Debbie Downer when it seems the entire world is conspiring against you, and when you're a AS male, it very much does.

Not saying AS women don't have to face their own challenges as well, but the truth is society is less demanding with women as a whole. And as I said in my previous post, most women, both Aspies and normals, can circumvent a lot of the difficulties and challenges they come across simply by being moderately good-looking. Men don't have that luxury.

Yes, he had AS. I do as well, you know?

It's not as if I don't understand what's it's like to be different. I've been called a ret*d by my own family, dear- I've got a lot of reason to be a Debbie downer as well. But I don't let the BS that others say to me define who I am as an individual.

It's laughable to me that you believe that woman get off easy by "being good-looking". The social dynamic of woman-woman interactions aren't exactly positive and reaffirming. The worst interactions I've had with people has been with other women (my brother an exception).

It's not easy being AS regardless of the plumbing you were given. You may envy my position, and I'd be a liar if I said that I don't envy some NT men and some AS men. At least AS men are easier to get along with and easier to find. I have very few lady friends, and the guys I'd like to be with see me as more of their kid sister than a potential girlfriend.

I'm sorry, but yes, yes they can.

I don't mean to belittle your problems and hardships, which I'm sure are very much real. But the truth is however bad you think you have it, AS males have it much, much worse. Case and point, you're a 20-year-old AS female and you've had two relationships. I'm a 22-year-old AS male and I've had none, and I'd wager most other AS males here don't have it much better than I.