Is this true?

Post Reply New Topic

So my brother was saying when starting a potential relationship you don't want to be too 'available' if you're a chick like he said its good to turn down hanging out a couple times rather than being available every time they ask....because that can make one less appealing. But I don't know if this is really a common thing with all guys or if that's more just him and maybe other guys he's talked to.

I met someone so I don't want to you know jump in too quick and then have the relationship die because its like too intense at first or something like that...so suppose I just want some perspective aside from my brothers about how guys feel about females level of availability...like i don't want to push this guy away by turning him down to hang out too much to where it would seem I am not interested but I also don't want to seem overly interested to the point of being creepy or something. This dude is pretty much a hippie stoner so not so sure they'd really care about having to wait, savor the moment and all that stuff doesn't really seem like it...not even sure I am into taking it as slow as my brother was saying is healthiest. I already failed if I went by his standards of how to date since things already did get a bit intimate the first couple times me and this guy have met up.

i don't think you have to pretend to be unavailable. life happens. from time to time you will be unavailable. being less than honest is not a good start to a relationship.

i had a guy fall in love with me because i was "always there for him". i think it can work both ways.

Any guy that has ever been interested in me has been mostly interested in me because I come off as cold and emotionally unavailable. Except, of course, this is not an act and when they realize this their interest diminishes quite quickly haha. I think just go with what feels natural, because while some guys might not like when a girl seems too eager, I think there are also a lot of guys that would appreciate it and get an ego boost from it.

I don't even know quite how I come off...exactly

It's probably true for most guys. And for girls as well unfortunately. It's BS but that's how most human brains work.

I am aware of that kind of strategic thinking in relationships, but its not really in line with how I think, or easy for me to understand the nuances of. So if I tried I would probably screw it up. What I came up with along the way was to just be myself and straightforward. It might turn off a 'player' but so what. I felt more comfortable with someone who was more straightforward anyway. And if it wasn't working out, I was straightforward about that too. I did not have much concern about creepy people because I didn't persue strangers. I usually knew the people basically before dating them.

if you take it in that literal wording, it is PuA tactics: pretend that you have plenty of options and that the girl is lucky that you even stand near her; be careful of this interpretation.

however, there is some truth to it, you should not seem TOO available, as is: desperate.
there is nothing wrong with showing that you are single and interested in her, just don't show that she might be your only hope

I don't think you have to go out of your way to pretend to be unavailable.

I do think you shouldn't go out of your way to be with them every day.

For your own very valuable and hard-fought sanity, it is important to have time to yourself, do the stuff you did before, hang out alone in your bedroom listening to music and burning one, whatever else you do. You have to maintain you, your personal space and the integrity of your individuality, even if you don't really want to at first. Because even if you should marry this guy, move to a commune, make a bunch of little hippie babies, and live happily ever after, YOU STILL NEED YOU TO BE FUNCTIONAL AS AN INDEPENDENT ENTITY.

if a girl turns me down too many times i just move on and figure they aren't interested.

I recieved similar advice that when or if i start dating to be distant, make it seem like i'm busy and ignore them some times just because.

going to be hard as I am not at all that way. I am always there for people when they ask and i am not really busy. I also worry it would just make them dislike me and break up.

I think lots of guys know women act not interested to play the hard-to-get game to make guys more interested. Perhaps your brother is worried that your guys will be expecting you to play that game & be thrown off by you not. Lots of guys do complain about how women aren't more upfront with them instead of playing the silly hard-to-get game so chances are your guy will be glad your not but may be surprised at 1st by you not playing the game.

I am the type that believes that when i meet a woman and get their phone number, I only phone or text that person for the reason of setting up a date. I might spend a couple minutes talking to see how they are doing and gauge if they are excited to hear from me or not. No real talking should be done until we meet Face to Face. This helped me immensely with my girlfriend, and I also established the rule of no texting while either of us is at work (break time replies are ok) and don't expect quick replies. I think back to previous women I was dating and the constant need to text me, whether I was at work or not and hte expectation I reply quick took a toll on me and almost cost me my job.

As for making yourself available, you only make yourself more available as the relationship develops and establishes itself as serious and romantic. Between the beginning stages and that stage- you do your own thing and just set up a time and make it clear that you want to hang out with them.

Furthermore.. look up an article called "The Law of f**k Yes" by Mark Manson.

A woman (compared to a man) has more reproductive value. That being said, a man has to work harder to get the attention of a woman than vice versa. If a woman were to ignore a man's advances, he'd be wise to move on to a woman that he believes wants his company. A woman who is just playing the field and not committing to any man is not as desirable because it's easier for a woman to get admiration. A woman who shows interest in one man is valuable because she is taking her value and investing it in a single person... that is very special to the man.

Any respectable man will move on if they are not receiving any sign of interest on your end.

Yes, in general that's true. People want what they can't have. If you're always available and eager to meet up, it may be detrimental to building a relationship.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.