How to recognize when a girl is flirting with you?

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This is an important concept. I had a boyfriend once that always felt entitled to some sort of reward for everything he did. That's great that someone puts in the extra effort, but that doesn't ensure that they will reap the rewards they think are due to them.

I just remembered one of the best ways to find out if she is hitting on you(this was only used a few months ago at the subway and while she seemed cute and moderately intelligent she was 14(no clue on how it happened))

I was at the subway and some lazy person asks me to move to the seat next to mine so that they could take mine which was nearer. I didnt feel like making some sort of scene so I moved.

In the process of moving some random teenager starts trying to read over my shoulder(I try to bring something to read at the subway so that the ride seems shorter). After about a minute of awkward silence I figured I could try to get to know her better.

First indicator of interest she was the one that started the conversation. As soon as I closed my book she had planned several personal questions and I asked her things about her.
Second indicator of interest she paid attention to anything I was saying as if it was some sort of important speech.

So I asked her age(you never know this days) and once we saw that it wasnt going to work(6 years younger than me) I went with the final test to see if she was really interested.
I thought of the silliest question I could find (the almost unknown work of someone who recently got lucky with a YA book)and I asked her opinion on it( she had mentioned reading that book in English so I was intrigued to see if it was just an issue with the translation or she just got really lucky with the first books success)
This topic that is usually done in a minute/a few minutes took her about 15 minutes and it only ended because we reached her stop.

She saw that I was mildly interested on her reply so she kept going on and on about it.
If that wasnt enough she brought up fb quite a few times(I tend to have my mobile phone at hand and have a tendency to check fb when theres reception)

I think Im going to try to find silly questions from now on and see how they reply(short reply lack of interest...) its not perfect but it sounds pretty good right now

There's a character in Free Enterprise that always asks a potential dating girl the same question about a book (or is it a movie, I forget), thinking that he'll find his mate when he finds the girl that can have a conversation with him about it.

Yes, I am a decent looking and acting guy. I do get you are weird sometimes though. You may be right. But I could recognize only those 2 instances as 'may be she is flirting'.


I agree with you



Good to know you found an aspie girl who likes you .



Thanks for the advice. But i do not think I can accomplish all of those.
Also, I usually am comfortable with the girls I already know. By already know I mean for a sufficient period of time like at leat 6-8 months. And all the girls(2-3) I knew have had boyfriends.

I definitely am not a player nor do I showcase any of the player stuff. I do have a strong personality and usually appear confident. But, small talk, I usually do not do. And if something isn't interesting I just move(literally) away from there. Anxiety always kicks in, in a one on one situation with a girl.

Last edited by ThinkingMonkey on 08 Jun 2012, 3:43 pm, edited 5 times in total.

Yes, I agree its negative. Pardon me for that. I am not like this always. Its just dawning upon me that its not exactly an easy task. And, was thinking about the negative aspects when I last read the post.

Attempt should always be done. I agree with the if you don't attempt to get into a relationship,you will never have one.

ha ha nice.. If only this were true.

Lucky guy .

One more thing is that I usually feel that the girls I have had conversation with are usually boring (choose non-intellectual stuff to talk about). What I mean is they have conversations which have no point and have had no intellectual bend. It this just me?

I think that describes most of society. It's taken me a long time to find people (friends) that have more sustenance to them.

I agree, most of the society is like that.

I am the same way.I am usually only comfortable with women I already know.A cold approach is just not something that I am capable of.

Maybe this is good advice for some, but for myself it might as well be in Mandarin. I just have no concept of using any of that stuff IRL. It's like I have a certain piece of my mind missing. I barely have enough courage and guts just to talk to people IRL. I just can't process the dozen other things you mention while in a conversation. It's stressing enough getting through it w/o saying anything embarrassing.

I feel this way whenever someone post advice like this.

Have you ever thought of internet dating?Internet dating eliminates a lot of the usual courtship rituals ,a lot of the work is already done.Two people are meeting up [after the initial meeting online]who may be interested in dating each other.Internet dating allows you to bypass a lot of the flirting/social skills one needs to get to that point[of a meetup].

The idea isn't that you should go out tomorrow, starting conversations and incorporating every single piece of advice given.

Start small.

You're not ugly, like you think you are. But you are pretty unkempt. Work on your grooming. Learn to do laundry. Buy some new clothes. Decent jeans and button down shirts can be found for very cheap, most guys look good dressed like that. Find a deodorant and a cologne you like the smell of. Don't overdo it on the cologne, if you can smell it on yourself, that's too much. Experiment with ways of styling your hair, if that's too much work then just buzz it really short.

You don't have to worry about what other people think of your experiments in improving your appearance yet. Just keep experimenting until you find a look you like. Maybe it'll be a week or two before you feel comfortable out in public with your new look, maybe it'll be a few months. Whatever. Don't worry if your progress is slow, you'll get there eventually.

Once you start feeling better about the way you look, you'll have an easier time out in public.

Start talking to people. Start small. Just say "hi" to people whenever it seems appropriate. Don't worry about starting or maintaining a conversation with them, just say "hi." Most people will just say it back and go on about their business. Every so often, you'll meet someone who takes your greeting as an invitation to have a conversation. This will be awkward and uncomfortable for you, but these people are the best ones to practice actual conversation with. The kind of person who will take a simple "hello" as an invitation to talk is likely outgoing and will have an easy time carrying the conversation.

Don't worry yet about how you do during the conversation. Don't worry yet about applying the bits of advice you've been given. All you're doing is trying to get yourself comfortable around other people. It won't happen all at once, and you may never be entirely at ease socially (I'm certainly not, no matter how much practice I get). But it will eventually get to the point where, even if there's still some anxiety, you won't utterly dread it.

You fear people's reactions to you. If you've gotten bad reactions in the past, you'll probably get more. This is something you'll have to accept. But, if you stick with it, you'll find they become less and less frequent. In the meantime, work on not internalizing those reactions. If someone seems to think poorly of you don't say to yourself "They're right, I suck and I should stop inflicting myself on other people." Instead, try to figure out what specific thing you did to get that reaction, and work on not doing that anymore.

With some practice, you'll realize that you feel a little more comfortable. Again, it'll take a while, but it'll happen. And that's when you start incorporating the little bits of advice you've been given about how to hold up your end of the conversation. Not all at once, it's too much to remember. But bit by bit. Add one suggestion at a time, like asking the person lots of questions, until it becomes (if not second nature) easy to remember. Then add in another tip or conversational technique, and another, and another, giving each one time to start feeling normal and natural before working on the next.

It seems, and I may be wrong, like one of your problems is all or nothing thinking. Like, if you can't become all suave and charming in a day or two, it's not worth trying. But that's not how these things work. They take time, and a lot of practice. And you will most likely never attain the social abilities some people seem to just be born with. But, if you're willing to put in the time and effort, you can make a dramatic improvement. After maybe a year or two, you'll barely recognize the old you. You may never have tons of friends, but you can have some. You may never be the guy every girl wants, but you can be the guy a few of them want.

Let me post a few trivial things from some of our conversations and see if you guys can tell me if she's flirting or if I'm looking way too much into things like I usually do.

"No, it's okay. I am really enjoying talking to you. I am the same way. It is worse in person. Very shy. xD I don't think you could weird me out. =3"- In response to me saying I'm shy and apologizing if I wasn't doing very well in conversating

"Looong day. *Stretch* How are you doing today?"

"Hehe. I love your new picture."

"You never texted me! Haha."- She had given me her number a few days prior to sending this and I hadn't texted yet because I was nervous

"It's okay, I understand ^_^ I feel the same way sometimes, I don't think you are weird at all"- In response to me explaining why I hadn't texted yet

"May I text you in the morning"- In response to me saying I need to head to bed

"NiNi!" in response to me saying goodnight.

She also says hehe whenever I say something nice like a compliment or when we talk about something we have in common.

Well, I can't tell you what to do next, I'm very disconnected with all of that (but then again we aspies are like that). But I can tell you that a textbook knowledge won't be much help. I know this from experience, e.g I know a lot about how male and female psychology works for someone my age. But I still just feel uncomfortable whenever a non-basic social thingy pops up.

Anyway, I can tell you that textbook knowledge might be of help, if you test it. Think of it like an experiment: get a theory, test it, note the results, test it and record a lot more times. If the results are consistent, there is your answer.

Hope this helped.

P.S I'm not entirely sure if this will work, but Logic dictates it should.