"Shall we go out on a date?"

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Okay. You might be right, alex. Maybe I might be needlessly restricting myself.

Perhaps at the moment she does, though I think she has gotten a better idea about how I feel towards her the last time I met up with her (refer to the original post).

Besides, I was forced to be friends with her as she was already in a relationship, but as I said, she recently got dumped, so I must make my moves now.


Good points. After all, in senior year, I did kiss a female friend in high school on the wrist before the end of the last lunch period to show my love and gratitude for being such a great friend, and she LOVED it (by the way, she liked to flirt with me and the other boys she thought were cute, even though she had a boyfriend herself)!

I guess I am just being too cautious. I like her that much, it seems, that I'm afraid of scaring her away.

I think I have an idea!

Because coffee is being sold at a certain part of the campus for one dollar a cup (.50 cents for half a cup), and because she is pretty busy for the whole week with two exams tomorrow but she tells me that perhaps we could chat for a little bit, I will send a text message to her tomorrow morning wishing her good luck on those exams (she did the same for me one morning for a Chemistry exam; oh, how much it meant to me!), and also informing her that coffee is being sold and, if she has any time, I will suggest that maybe we could have some together.

That does not mean it will happen, but I think it would a a great start for what I hope will become a true dating relationship. The asking her to dinner part has not been forgotten; at the end of the chat, I will ask her if she read in the last e-mail I sent her that I had some things to tell her, but since it will be when the hall will be crowded with people headed to class, I do not think telling her those things would be prudent at that time, so I will ask her if she has a little bit of time after class to hear me tell her those things. If not, I will send her an e-mail telling her the things.

What are those things? Originally, I wanted to confess how I feel towards her then suggesting we go out for dinner, but then I thought that may be too much for her, so now I think I will just suggest if we could go out to eat on the weekend after finals before she goes home for the break. I now have a place in mind, which is something we know we both like.

Well, people, I have bad news: I finally sent her an e-mail telling her how I feel about her, and she told me that she is seeing somebody else now.

Well, I guess that's what I get for not moving quick enough; I guess that's what I get for wanting to prudently take it step by step. Furthermore, I guess that's what I get for living in the godforsaken suburbs, so I have to commute to campus by bus and not be able to be involved socially on campus in a complete manner, therefore, I cannot meet as many potential mates and will be obviously be outcompeted by those that are able to be involved socially on campus in a complete manner.

So, it looks like I will just have to eat dinner by myself this Saturday...

At least, I wasn't rejected; that's the only silver lining here, but it's rather thin silver lining.

I don't think that it's you didn't quick enough. PARTLY, yes. But I think you self-disclosed too soon. You can still salvage this, though, by seeing if she at least wants to still hang out. This puts her in the awkward position of actually seeing two guys at the same time. The other guy isn't going to work out for very long. You'll get your shot next time.

The only thing I worry about here is by telling her how you feel without actually being in a dating situation you might have burned a bridge. I really think if that's going to happen it's going to happen in the natural course of your relationship. It's not something you can make happen artificially by rushing it. You actually need to be SEEING each other regularly for it to move towards a more romantic dating context (remember, you're already seeing each other anyway, it's just a mind game).

Your next step is to hang on for a few more months and see where this other relationship goes. They're going to split eventually. Give her a week or two, be her friend, and then remind her you think of her romantically and you'll probably stop hanging out if your relationship has no future.

Meanwhile, find someone else to hang with. There's no point in wasting time with her.

It's also possible she's not really seeing anyone anyway, but just being nice--translation, friend zone. Don't forget what I always say about the friend zone, though. But this is another one of those things… You still hang out BECAUSE you're friends. But when things start really cooking with someone else, you're not going to be hanging around her as much. So keep an open mind and be up for any possibility that arises.

Also remember what I say about investing too much time in one single person. I don't think she did this intentionally, but for now it seems like just a big waste of your time. Best of luck moving forward!

Possibly I did, yes. But what can you do? Because circumstance (she's pretty busy and she ends up changing plans on me) often stopped us from seeing each other as often as I would've liked, one could say I had nothing to lose anyway. The total number of times that I actually met up with her (beyond stopping by to say "hi" whenever we encounter each other and chatting for a little bit) was actually three (though I think those three times were impactful themselves). You could say that my confession to her was an act of desperation on my part, but I did promise her that I had some things to tell her, and I had to make good on that. Note that I did want to tell this to her in person, but I didn't get a chance -- oh, and I didn't mention about last Friday: she said she'd let me know about it, but she didn't, and I expressed that I was a little disappointed with her the next day. On Monday this week, before I finally confessed to her through e-mail, she apologized for this, admitting that she had no excuse and that she didn't treat me fairly whatsoever. I accepted her apology and thanked her for her honesty and humility.

Better to live knowing you tried than wallowing in regret wishing you did something.

Besides, how do you know that it won't work out for long? Even if it doesn't, what's to say she'll come running for me? I know that's exactly not what happened despite my gestures before this.

I felt like I had at least two chances: one when I inadvertently caused her to break up with one guy she was seeing (because we both agreed on a subject, but he disagreed, and she argued with him about it after bragging about me as a friend), the other when she got dumped, but she was fine. Both times did not turn in my favor.

Now, she did say in her reply that perhaps I could hang out and have dinner with her and her friends, as she will be in town for some of December. However, right now -- I might change my mind later -- I just want to forget about her and do my own thing.


Again, that's possible, but refer to my points above. Also, yes, I am aware that it is not something I can make happen, but at least I put how I truly felt out there, so maybe when she does break up with this guy, there's a possibility it could turn out in my favor, though I am not holding my breath.


That's one option. However, I think I'll just do the things I traditionally like (draw, write, read, etc.) or watch a movie so as to keep my mind off her. I have developed a crush on another girl, and went out of my way to e-mail her to thank her for tutoring me (she was my tutor for this semester), and asked for her number so maybe we could chat during the break. No response so far, and even so, not holding my breath here either.

Besides, I have other friends I can meet and hang out with, so I'm good there.


I think the answer to this is yes and no. No in that, even though it's typical for people who aren't interested to make excuses, like I said, she is pretty honest. However, it's yes in that she went for another guy rather than me, and thinks of me as a friend. Even though I know she likes me as a friend, I believe that she doesn't even put me high on the friends priority list, given the dearth of e-mail communication this school year as opposed to last, and she admitted to being lazy about replying to my e-mails.

Besides, now that I am no longer dazzled by my love fer her, in hindsight, beyond her being sweet, she showed little sign of being interested in me as more than a friend, anyway, even in her reply to my confession. In times when she seemingly did, I must have been confused or wishfully thinking. Even hugging her, I don't know if it's because I'm afraid of her or that I could tell that she wasn't really into it.


I think I agree with you. I now think I just wasted so much emotional energy on her that I would rather pretend that I never met her and that the pretty, petite girl asking me if she could sit next to me was all a dream. Right now, I don't even want to talk to her anymore. I know people will think that's being immature or selfish, but who cares? There is no "fairness" in the realm of relationships, as people that seem compatible don't end up going together, and their feelings get hurt anyway, no matter how nice they try to put it.

For the record, I do not bear her any ill will, but still, I just don't want to talk to her at this time.

Also, I've been fine today, even though I grieved last night (because my cat friend, who comforted me as a small child, was not there when I needed him because he died last year). With the guidance of my therapist, I've been talking to friends and family friends for their consolation and guidance and doing my own thing to keep my mind off her.