Fear and Loathing Toward my Future, Nonexistent Wife

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I've had stuff happen to me similar to what that hypothetical "woman" did.

However, all the "stuff" that happened to me was at the hands of one absolutely crazy person.

Most women have too much of a life, and too much self-respect, to do this crap!

If you get anything out of this thread, read this sentence over and over until it sinks in. I thought I was blindsided by my crazy ex but it was obvious from the start everyone could see it. Even my coworkers who never met her told me what she was doing to me and what would happen..... and they were right. My brother (who has a semi-crazy wife of his own) met her and said one word.

RUN


Wonder why. Could it possibly be because real women want a real man and not an actor? They will eventually see right through your pseudo-alpha act. I do have to say you have a very warped view of women: I doubt they are looking for a chance to exploit your so called weaknesses!

You claim this "isn't about all women" and yet you drop ridiculous s**t like this as if it's true:

So women are genetically predisposed to be abusive and manipulative. I see. It's not sexism if you call it science!

I'm sure the female friends you (allegedly) have love that kind of talk.

I think the first step for you is admitting that this really is about all women and not some hypothetical women that will never exist.

As an aspie woman, I have to say you're only looking at one side of the coin. I am married to an NT man. I feel irrational fears constantly! What if he cheats on me, leaves me with two kids, bails on child support, and I'm so socially clueless that I can't hold down a job?? I've been there. What I've gotten better at is being very upfront. When I met him, once he was being very clear he was interested, I told him my list of deal breakers. He did the same for me. When we hit a hard spot, I try to think like he would and he does the same for me. He is a manly guy, he hunts, fishes, has a ton of friends. Even though that is a huge part of him, he has others. He cries, he sulks, he gets scared and nervous, not as much as I do, but he does. I've met NT women and men who are terrible people. Yet I'm in love with a man who takes me as I am, NO ABUSE. When he shows a softer side to me, I don't abuse him. I comfort him, in my own way, as well as learning more traditional ways. I am a kind, rational woman, who wants my partner to be happy and loved. We just have different ways of going about it. It's a process. If I would have ran the first time he scared me we wouldn't have met. With the ways our minds are programmed, as well as being bullied as much as we are, we get sort of a distorted view of most NT. We feel so much stronger than others, this is true, yet they do feel too. He loves my aspie traits, they make me such a loyal and rich person. If you try and take the right precautions, you will find someone who truly loves you. Just don't settle for just anyone.

The whole point to all those "how you feel" questions is to get to the WHY of the problem. But, yeah, if you can't handle that, you certainly won't get anywhere seeing a professional.

Effective therapy, btw, is always going to be a trial and error process to find the right one for you, that challenge you and still earn your respect. Some are quacks, some just aren't right for you, but some can actually help.

You don't have to want relationships, but I do think it could end up being destructive to more than your relationship life to have such suspicious and negative views of women. How will you ever truly trust one that is on your work team, when you are pretty much legally required to?

It seems to me that you are relating private fears, not trying to assert that women absolutely are the way you fear they could be in a private relationship. It makes me sad, yes, but I don't consider this an unsolvable problem. You've got a lot of issues to work through in this area, apparently (just as you have had with the issues of how you were parented) and I appreciate that you are willing to at least discuss it all and listen to input, even when no one actually changes your mind. This is step 1 to resolving the issues.

If you were my real life friend, I'd have no trouble telling you to stay away from particular women once I had seen or heard about their behavior. Same as I tell friends who are with abusive men to get out of those relationships. Good relationships and good people can be found, so why stick with the crazy ones?

Sorry that your limited experience has been so negative but, again, that is not all women. It does warrant learning some caution, however.

Relationships are an entire different can of worms than day to day interactions. It is fine to discover that a certain façade helps with your life in day to day interactions but you will, of course, have to marry someone who wants to be with the real you for the right reasons, and not the façade. My husband knows my different personas and acts, and has pretty much from day 1. Same as I've seen the real him, despite a very shy and rocky start on his end. Relationships are about seeing real people, mess and flaws and all, and loving them exactly as they are.

There are women who won't walk over a soft guy, and who long for it, but shifting them out of the crowd from your façade is more alpha is a little difficult. Since a lot of women who like alpha men do so because they know they'd walk over a guy who wasn't, you don't want to try to date someone attracted by the façade; that is totally logical. But all it should take is a one second slip for the "right" kind of woman to realize that the alpha probably is just a façade, and to get interested in the real person.

Still, you are a long way from being ready for a serious relationship, as you yourself know, so I'm not sure there is much point in working out how to find the right kind of women. Having female friends who you are not dating should do well enough slowly helping you work through your issues at this stage in your life, and that it sounds like you have. Just believe that maybe your future can be different than your perceptions today, remember that generalizations are never accurate, and continue to talk and challenge yourself.

As for Nambo's YouTube post, I am not going to give it inappropriate emphasis by quoting it.

Trash/Shock TV is not representative of anything real. It is all about bad people acting badly so we can laugh at how inappropriate they are and feel better about our own failings. Anyone who watches that garbage and thinks it represents society is taking their trash entertainment WAY too seriously.

If only we knew how to listen in the moment, eh? But, we learn and move on.

I've noticed that this seems to be a particularly common occurance among Aspies on this forum. If they get most of their information about social interaction and dating from television and sad-angry dudes online, Its not surprising when they end up with a warped view of reality and regressive opinions on women.

Trust at work isn't really an issue. First of all, at work, there a common goal involved: keeping the boss happy. Two, everyone except topmost management puts on a facade. Three, given the current sexual harassment laws, flirting at work isn't an option, period. Four, everybody throws each other under the bus nowadays, and IT people like me get targeted the most, so I pretty much trust no one at work, men or women.

Yikes, the vaunted "teamwork" culture that started in Silicon Valley is just a façade? Sigh. I'd be switching companies until I found a "home" where I felt I could trust my co-workers. But, then again, I'm an unusual gal

Flirting (or not) in the workplace should be totally irrelevant to the point I was trying to make, btw. It was about working relationships, not dating ones.

Things will go as they are supposed to go for you. I appreciate that you talk and listen, even if you aren't about to adopt any of my views today or tomorrow.

If you're seeing escorts what the heck do you need a relationship for? It's the same thing, just more expensive.

Watch to the end of that video with the idiot Sharon Osborne. At the end Sarah Gilbert says that no one would be laughing if it was a woman being assaulted. She's right.



Seriously? Lol

Yes woman are ruined, but unfortunately so are men. Learn how to survive on your own.

I have a lot of work experience.

Yes, there are people who will "throw you under the bus."

However, I have found that most people, if they are not severely pathological, do not have time for such crap. They have families. They have relationships. They want to keep their job. They have LIVES.

At my first job, there's lots of flirting. Nobody seems to mind. Nobody "punches in," either. We go by the "honor system." People just act naturally. If somebody thinks somebody else is "going too far," that somebody informs that person in an honest way.

I guess it depends on where you work.

it is disturbing how many women comment in favor of women cutting men's penis off, bitting it off or stabbing/shooting/killing me. "way to go girl" "yay woman power" "he got what he deserved" "wish I could have the guts to do that" "I'd do the same thing" etc

surely it isn't all women, but yet most women on facebook/youtube/google etc seem to support such actions and behavior. I think this needs to be looked at and stopped. now some women post against it even attacking the other women for their comments, but the majority are still in favor it seems. scary. I don't get why if a man cheats or she thinks he cheated its ok to seriously hurt if not kill him. but if a woman cheats and the guy does it he's a evil anti women maniac.
just saw on news about a lady who had a argument with her bf about her being too needy tried to bite his penis off along with other injures to his head and body. and in china few weeks ago a wife cut her husband's penis off not once but twice once at home and second time sneaking into the hospital. he was initially restrained by hospital staff despite being covered in blood.

as for the post I would imagine many aspies have these fears both men and women. we tend to have anxiety in most cases. I try not to let my anxiety cause me to distrust women. that said I don't know if I'll ever be ok with blow jobs. and knowing my sister in law, cause all kinds of fears. she is a manipulative abusive liar. I hold hope out that not all women are like here. I do hope if I find a gf that its not one that finds violence against men ok.