Have you ever had a guy or girl disappear on you?

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I think it is because it is easy to just disappear but it is hard to confront someone and tell them you want to break up. I have disappeared a few times, but I have had it done to me too.

I didn't think she would like me after finding out I was an aspie and I was right!

Yeah. The first time I ever brought a girl back to my room we started talking about our personal lives. I ended up opening up to her about my aspergers. She rejected me for that very reason. She told her friends about me, and they told her "not to do it". I feel so much pain about it to this day... I'm terrified to tell people now. But if I don't tell them, they won't understand that I have trouble with nonverbal communication, and will just think that I'm antisocial. That's how my life is with girls.

I have had this happen numerous times. It's very upsetting for me, and it doesn't have to be a romantic partner (or potential one), it could just be a regular, well-established friend.

I've had two different women disappear on me. The first is kinda long..

The first was my fault. I was obsessed with her and drove her nuts. She broke contact with me. I would still send her letters & art on her birthday. After a few... I can't remember how many years, she invited me to the reception of her first solo art gallery reception & everything seemed fine for a while. i was a bit more mature & didn't bother her so much. Over time, though I didn't notice it, I was falling in love with her. We had always been close platonic friends & I thought that's how I felt. I didn't realise what was going on until she got married. Hearing about it filled me with anxiety & I had a meltdown after she first told me. i went to her wedding. She even asked me to play harp at the wedding (the IRONY!!), but i just couldn't. i wasn't sure what i was feeling at first until after long hours of miserable rumination that i realised that i was indeed in love with her. Then i realised that all those deep feelings & all the good things i did for her was probably me obsessing/my asperger's acting up. i felt so stupid.. Then i realised the negative effect she had on me. i was often anxious or upset around her. Since i've kept away from her, i haven't been half as nervous as i was. By this time, i had vanished from her. She didn't hear from me for years. i'm having trouble forgetting her, but its getting easier. i saw her last summer after she had gotten separated. i was deeply depressed for a month afterwards.. What a waste..

The second i had been good friends with for years & we eventually started dating.Things seemed to be going well & we would see each other regularly. Then, suddenly she vanishes for weeks or months. She eventually wanders back. She's done this for a year now. i really don't think i did anything wrong by her. i've given her a chance to explain herself & she wouldn't. She'll get one more chance, but that's it. i'm tired. i don't like loosing friends, especially since i don't have many, but i don't think i can really help it this time.

I got all you guys beat. I dated this one girl briefly, a beautiful asian amateur model, and she asked to borrow my piano/keyboard so I was like what the hell, I don't play it that often. Anyways, a couple weeks go by and we're still talkin, dating, whatever, and one day I stop by her place to pick the keyboard back up and her friend answers the door. Turns out she packed up and moved with her GIRLFRIEND to Thailand to live with her grandparents....along with my keyboard.

Yeah.

I know how to pick 'em. Gullibility's a b***h.

Yeah, there was a girl I used to go to school with I really liked. We met in high school, in my senior year. She was a couple of grades lower than me, but we had a lot in common. By the time I got to college, we still chatted with each other through Facebook. When she was in college, she became more quieter, probably because she wants to get some work done, which I can understand. However, after I asked her if she has a boyfriend or not, she became even quieter and wouldn't answer my messages to her. When I got impatient, the last message I sent to her was "For the love of the universe, couldn't you please answer once in a while?!", and after that she blocked me. I was so upset and ashamed. I didn't even realized I've been saying things that makes her feel uncomfortable until now. On top of that, most of my friends I used to go to high school with wouldn't talk to me anymore (I believed she spread the word to those whom I asked about that girl). Because of that, I began to suffer from depression. If only I made her feel comfortable and not pushed her to much through messaging, although I honestly wasn't being a creep or a pervert or anything like that, I probably would still be friends with her and still kept in touch. I'm trying to move on, though, but I need to be more careful.

It's never happened to me in the context of a romantic relationship, but I did have one so-called friend who decided - without warning - to cut off the friendship after ten years of sponging money and favours off me, bullying me and putting me under endless stress as both a flatmate and tenant. Why did I let him do it? Loneliness and social naievte. I'd never permit that to happen now). He cut me off by ringing my parents to get my work number, phoning me up at work and screaming at me for five minutes before slamming the phone down (yes, he had mental problems too, although not AS - more likely Borderline Personality Disorder, going by his behaviour).

However, I exacted revenge on him in a spectacular fashion. I'm not going to describe how i did it here, but let's just say it angered him sufficiently that he was still making nuisance phone calls to my landline about it three and a half years later (which I reported to the police). There are few things more staisfying in this world than bullying a bully back, I find.

Last edited by Bustduster on 17 Mar 2015, 9:53 am, edited 2 times in total.

Sorry to hear that. I've done similar things & that's how I learned what to do & what not to do.

Yes. I was in a relationship with a guy and then he got evicted from his apartment and he was going to move out anyway so he had to stay with his parents in their apartment and I didn't want to be there because I cannot sleep with snoring and there wouldn't be anywhere else for me to sleep so I decided to stay with my aunt and uncle's. But he went silent on me and he was so hard to reach it was like I was single again. He told me he was just busy. He wasn't busy when we met and he still managed to still talk to me and now all of a sudden he was just too busy. It stressed me out so I decided to start meeting guys again if he was going to be silent on me. Then I met my husband and he all of a sudden sent me a message on here saying New Boyfriend and told me he hopes things are well with me and I am happy and asked if he was aspie too. Then he disappeared again and then in November around Thanksgiving, he sends me a IM online wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving and we only talked for three minutes and then I never heard from him again. It was very weird.

I decided after that I would never let a guy treat me like this again and if he goes silent on me, I will just move on and start dating again and I will assume that person broke up with me. No more anxiety.

Yeah, they're called bi-polar

People who do that in my opinion have some personal issues they don't want to tell. Its better to hear what they have to say then nothing at all. If a girl walked out on me ill be heartbroken and confused.

That sucks but I'm not so sure it counts as disappearing for no good reason -- she was comfortable with less contact, you pushed a bit too hard and she got spooked.

Maybe she really was really scared of you.