Guydyke because of Aspergers Syndrome (Advice needed)

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Hi WP-fellows.

I am male and would like to, at some point in the future, have a romantic partner and establish a family on my own etc.

Looks-wise I would say many would find me quite attractive - it has never been a problem for me getting one-night-stands. But it never develops further from there. Exclusively as a result of my Aspergers Syndrome - or so I thought for a long time.

For a long time I thought I had just not met the right woman yet. But I am beginning to find out there is more to it than just than.

Sexually, I am only attracted to women. I am not in doubt about this - I am not gay. I could never imagine being together with a man, I am simply not attracted to them.

So I am male, attracted to women. That just means I am a common young man, you would say?

But I am not. I am not attracted to women as a man would be, but as a lesbian would be. I feel like being a woman, and I have the desire to be a woman in a relationship. I know many heterosexual guys are turned on by lesbians, so you might think that I am just showing guy-like desires. But it is not just about a guy wanting to be with a lesbian, but a guy wanting to be with a lesbian, while being woman.

I have the guydyke "lesbian in a man's body"-syndrome (probably because of my Aspergers Syndrome).

But lesbians are, for obvious reasons, not interested in men. Bisexuals might be.


So having this disposition how can I find love? Is finding a bisexual woman my only hope?


I remember, in kindergarten, some of the boys dressed up as girls, me included. Everyone just did it for fun, but I remember how much I really liked it, much more than just being a fun temporary dressup activity.

I tried buying women underwear, and I feel way more comfortable in it than I "should" if I were to be in a common heterosexual relationship.

Even though I have masculine features looks-wise different people have commented on my apparently feminine appearence, I think in the way that I present myself. I like being nicely dressed, and can be vain, more than guys usually are.


Any advice on how to find love? Do any of you recognize these tendencies?

And no, you cannot just give the advice: "just man up, then the relationship part will work out."

When I "man up" I am just becoming more of a strict b***h the way a woman would if she "manned up", not more macho.

Last edited by Pete468Williams on 13 Mar 2015, 9:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's funny: but you'll find plenty of woman who feel the desire to play the "dominant role."

Alas, probably a majority of them would prefer that you are "masculine" in some way, even amid their "dominance." They are "feminine" in their dominance.

However, your cause is definitely NOT a lost cause. There are women who don't mind it if you are "feminine" in some way.

Yes, the problem is that I possess feminine dominance characteristics, not masculine.

So with women, it becomes like two women playing feminine dominance, and heterosexual females are frustrated and confused by this (so am I!).

Heterosexual guys are really attracted to this feminine dominance of mine. Recently I had a guy say to me "had you been woman, I'd come on to you!...but nevermind this becomes too gay for both of us."...

Yep...that'll create "catfights" LOL

Seriously.....as long as you're virtuous about your desire for dominance/respect, I believe most people will respond positively. If you bare your claws too easily, people wouldn't like that.

lol, exactly, definitely cat-fights, they become really serious!


kraftiekortie, what do you mean by "bare your claws too easily" ?


I did not really figure all this out before I learned social skills. This was like a foreign language to me. But it can be really frustrating only being able to attract women looks-wise, not personality wise. Men, on the other hand, can almost fall in love with my personality!

If there are any "Girlfags" in this forum, could you say how you find love despite wanting to be with gay men who are not interested in you?

Think about cats when they are angry: they "bare their claws." Usually, a cat's claws are not visible; they are hidden. When cats are angry, the claws become visible--hence, "bared."

Ah okay, so you suggest people would not like if it takes (unreasonably) little for one to get upset with them. I agree.


But I still wonder what type of women would fall for a man that might be more woman than them personality wise. I often feel at least as feminine as them.

LOL....I have to admit that it's a tough nut to crack sometimes!

But...there's no guarantee that you will not achieve success.

As long you don't take too long to put on your makeup, and don't gossip too much, I believe you, as a person, would be okay for most women.

Hi!

Has anyone got some more solid advice/own experiences with love in this sort of category?

Do you want a woman to be genuinely masculine--or just confident in herself?

Hey kraftiekortie.

The basic problem with these sort of "lesbian male" tendencies is that I do not feel my personality match correctly with my sexual orientation/assigned gender:

Physically - male.
Sexual orientation - straight male, i.e. only interested in women.
Personality - more female-like.


I know masculinity in men vary much personality-wise, but there is more going on than just a common male having a little less masculine personality.

I feel like I should have either been woman fancying men or have been gay if things were to match my personality. But I am male, not woman, and I am straight, not gay. I am completely certain about that. I only want to be with a woman.

So what I am interested in is a woman that wants to love me the way a lesbian would. I am not into a masculine-looking woman, I want her to look feminine, the lipstick sort of lesbian.

It is not a matter of finding lesbian women more sexy than heterosexuals look-wise, the way almost any guy is turned on by lesbian action. I do not want to engage with lesbians with me as the male, the way many men imagine, I want to engage with them with me as woman too.

Any ideas?

Last edited by Pete468Williams on 14 Mar 2015, 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

Are you outwardly "effeminate?"

If not, then I believe you'll probably achieve satisfactory results if you present yourself as "gender-neutral."

I knew a guy once who was quite effeminate, yet quite straight. Sometimes, women trust these sorts of people more than "masculine" people. Within these relationships, it's "personhood" that counts, rather than the gender dynamics.

You'll do well, I believe, with a woman who doesn't adhere to gender dynamics.

I could try that! But I see it could be difficult finding such a woman, since most women simply want their ordinary heterosexual role.

I think I do present with some effeminate traits outwardly, even though I look masculine. At least a couple of persons have made comments that implied they sensed a sort of "feminine vibe" from me (like the straight guy that said he had been interested in me had we not both been men. Everything had worked out perfectly in that situation if just one of us had been female).

I mean, it goes to show that I, relationship-wise, fits the ordinary female-role, even though I am heterosexual male.

I understand you completely. I, too, struggle with this issue. Though I am born a female, I am very androgynous and tend to want to have a "gay" relationship with a "male". I am rather dominant/aggressive for someone with female genitalia. Crossdressing feels very right as I do not have typically delicate feminine features. I think the Asperger's may have something to do with the androgyny. I have browsed this message board extensively and learned that quite a few females here have excessive androgen levels and I have noticed that most males with Asperger's usually have less. Even stranger is that I have a strong attraction towards "effeminate" androgynous males. I can't stand the macho masculine type of men that usually try to flirt with me. If I get even a hint of obnoxious brash behaviour, I get turned off.

I'm not sure how to help your situation because, just like you, I am single. What I'm trying is posting ads on dating sites with the specifications that I'm looking for someone androgynous/genderqueer. I feel like that's really our only option... other than hanging around gay bars and going to drag shows.

CoffinCrawler, you're born female? Single?

I happen to be effeminate androgynous male...bitchy!

If my sink was broken, could you fix it for me? I both cook and iron, you know...