Dating Advice?
So, I need some advice. I recently acquired a, girlfriend, I guess you could say, and it's like, "coo, coo, whatevs." But there are four very large...er...things, that are kind of disconcerting, and I need some advice on how to deal with it. (And I'm not claiming to love her or anything, she just seemed interesting and we've known each other a long time, so we were like, wynaut {brownie points if you get te reference there}
1.) she is a huge extrovert. Doesn't need much explaining as to why this is hard for me.
2.) she texts me non-stop. It's like, six hours per day on average. And you may be like, oh that isn't that much. But it's 1/4 of a day. That's a lot of time.
3.) her "love language" is touch. FML she loves hugs and all that stuff.
4.) she claims to be a hopeless romantic. Which is like, coo coo whatever. But then it's like, my version of a compliment is "you have nice skin," and, "you are a very nice person." And usually If I tell you that once, obviously, we've confirmed that you're nice, so why do I have to say it all the time? Also, she like, wants to eventually, y'know marry, and stuff. Like specifically me. She's been hanging onto that dream for years, and it's like, ok, I still need to go to college, and I want to have some bomb-Diggity adventures in the world BY MYSELF BEFORE I END UP BEING SOLD AS A BRIDE FOR 16 GOATS.
Bonus round: 5.)
She HATES onion rings. I LOVE onion rings with a burning passion. If I'm walking with someone and smell onion rings, I will leave them to find the onion rings. And she hates pizza. And guess what, I love pizza! I can tell which pizza joint you got it from just by the smell. So yeah, basically it's like the two most opposite people in the world. So I was just wondering, how do I cope with this, because I'm a spineless coward, and I technically asked her out (although at that point I had eaten an entire box of a particular leprechaun's cereal and half a bottle of wine), so I can't really break up with her, logically. So how do I cope with this, because she is the antithesis to an Aspie. Thank you for any help.
I think you're pretty lucky having a nice social girl who likes you, because someone like her will make friends that will probably let you hang out with them and do things sometimes. Just dating someone doesn't mean you can't go traveling by yourself or whatever you want to do. For texting too much, ask her if she'd be ok if you only checked your text messages two or three times a day. She might be flexible if she likes you so much.
hard to say. as to me she sounds like a great gf, but most the things you listed I like , except the hating pizza as I like pizza. I love texting a lot and love to be touched. I'm also a hopeless romantic.
like Molly said you're have to talk to her about working a middle ground out.
sorry can't help more. shes not a antithesis to aspies just to those like you.
had to google what antithesis meant.
hope it works out.
1.) she is a huge extrovert. Doesn't need much explaining as to why this is hard for me.
2.) she texts me non-stop. It's like, six hours per day on average. And you may be like, oh that isn't that much. But it's 1/4 of a day. That's a lot of time.
3.) her "love language" is touch. FML she loves hugs and all that stuff.
4.) she claims to be a hopeless romantic. Which is like, coo coo whatever. But then it's like, my version of a compliment is "you have nice skin," and, "you are a very nice person." And usually If I tell you that once, obviously, we've confirmed that you're nice, so why do I have to say it all the time? Also, she like, wants to eventually, y'know marry, and stuff. Like specifically me. She's been hanging onto that dream for years, and it's like, ok, I still need to go to college, and I want to have some bomb-Diggity adventures in the world BY MYSELF BEFORE I END UP BEING SOLD AS A BRIDE FOR 16 GOATS.
Bonus round: 5.)
She HATES onion rings. I LOVE onion rings with a burning passion. If I'm walking with someone and smell onion rings, I will leave them to find the onion rings. And she hates pizza. And guess what, I love pizza! I can tell which pizza joint you got it from just by the smell. So yeah, basically it's like the two most opposite people in the world. So I was just wondering, how do I cope with this, because I'm a spineless coward, and I technically asked her out (although at that point I had eaten an entire box of a particular leprechaun's cereal and half a bottle of wine), so I can't really break up with her, logically. So how do I cope with this, because she is the antithesis to an Aspie. Thank you for any help.
So you are with her because you asked her out and you are too scared to break up with her? Nowhere in the text do you write anything about your feelings for her, or anything positive about her. I think the best thing is to break up with her, since it is cruel to string along a person that you to my understanding have no real feelings for.
hey, everybody, I'm really sorry. I was just panicking when I wrote this, and I was "peopled out," so I was really overthinking and overreacting. I really do like her a lot, and upon reviewing my post, I sounded like a super selfish prick. So, yeah. Basically I was just kinda having a very pathetic panic attack and over analyzing. So, yeah, upon further thought, she's pretty great, so thanks for the help, everyone.
Don't worry we all have our meltdowns
So I realized that what I'm trying to say is that I feel like I won't be able to make her happy. This is because I've tried, and it's really hard for me to touch other people. And since that's her love language, I feel like she won't feel loved. Also with the hopeless romantic thing, I love the idea of romance, I just can't actually carry it out. I do try to compliment people bescause most people like compliments, I just really don't like giving them out all the time because I think they should be special and mean something instead of just kind of flying around. Also, I'm really bad at giving compliments, because I suck at talking in general.
So I guess what I was trying to ask is this:
How can I do this? How can I do compliments without feeling like I'm devaluing the compliments? How can I figure out how to show her that I like her without giving myself a panic attack by touching? How can I talk to her like a regular person, instead of the little scared, awkward, nerd who couldn't talk in a conversation to save his life?
Thanks, and once again, sorry for sounding like a dick in the original post.
How can I do this? How can I do compliments without feeling like I'm devaluing the compliments? How can I figure out how to show her that I like her without giving myself a panic attack by touching? How can I talk to her like a regular person, instead of the little scared, awkward, nerd who couldn't talk in a conversation to save his life?
Thanks, and once again, sorry for sounding like a dick in the original post.
Does she know that you are on the spectrum? Have you explained to her how you feel and what your problems are? Good communication is important in a relationship; remember that she is not a mind reader.
Since you have problems complimenting her, do you think it might be easier for you to compliment her in text, so maybe try writing cute little love letters for example?
Does she know that you are on the spectrum? Have you explained to her how you feel and what your problems are? Good communication is important in a relationship; remember that she is not a mind reader.
Since you have problems complimenting her, do you think it might be easier for you to compliment her in text, so maybe try writing cute little love letters for example?
I've told her, but she still doesn't really know what that means except I'm awkward. I've tried explaining further, but she's like "it doesn't change anything."
And I'm just in my head screaming "YES IT DOOOOOESS!!" So how should I go about explaining it to her? Cuz she has a very strong personality, and I well.... Don't, so I feel scared to explain it to her further.
And I've tried the text complimets/letters, but I feel really weird doing it, but I suppose that's just something I'll have to get over.
And I'm just in my head screaming "YES IT DOOOOOESS!!" So how should I go about explaining it to her? Cuz she has a very strong personality, and I well.... Don't, so I feel scared to explain it to her further.
Ahh I see that does indeed sound complicated, maybe you can find her some book about Asperger/Autism that might help her understand. And I think you have to be clear with her and explain that her saying "it doesn't change anything." is not nice of her. Her idea behind saying it is probably that she means that as " hey I still like you", but you have to explain that what you hear is " You are ignoring a real condition that makes me different, and that is not helping me".
[quote="Bondkatten"
Ahh I see that does indeed sound complicated, maybe you can find her some book about Asperger/Autism that might help her understand. And I think you have to be clear with her and explain that her saying "it doesn't change anything." is not nice of her. Her idea behind saying it is probably that she means that as " hey I still like you", but you have to explain that what you hear is " You are ignoring a real condition that makes me different, and that is not helping me".[/quote]
Ok I'll definitely try that today. Wish me luck, and thanks for all your help, man. Or woman. Or cat. Anyway, thanks a ton and a half for your help!
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