How can you get a girlfriend if you have aspergers syndrome?

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Why do males have to do the first step anyways?

Really really good advice

Lol @ PUA, yeah wonderful if your goal is to get laid....not so wonderful to actually get a serious relationship with a woman, unless this woman is also just as shallow and the relationship is built on a kind of disdain for each other, but from what I can tell those relationships aren't pleasant.

I hang out with plenty of guys....and I guarantee they aren't looking at girls they 'pick up' to get laid as potential romantic interests...they don't say 'yeah I'm going to go bang my girlfriend, or me and my girlfriend where banging and...' but that is how they'll talk about one night stands or people(some people I know are gay/bi and/or don't identify with their physical sex so not always females) they just got together with for sex and no other reason....granted these girls probably talk about them in a simular way. But point is a girlfriend and someone to bang are not the same thing the latter usually does not turn into a genuine lasting relationship.

I would almost say anyone could get a one night stand if they wanted to...And sure I could be wrong but, I think most woman who aren't under 18 are looking for a little more than PUA tactics, if a woman is after some fooling around and sex but nothing serious they'll make it apparent.....but I imagine approaching a female without such interests with those tactics is likely to backfire, especially from a 'creepy' autistic person, not to be mean but isn't it true sometimes people find us off putting/creepy at first, imagine that trying to act like a pick up artist I feel like that would be worse than approaching a woman and seeming like a shy/akward nerd/geek for instance. And that is not just for guys mind you I have had people tell me I am creepy or even look scary(though that is more if I am dressed more goth/metal) until they get to know me.

I have no idea what your BF's personality is like but how do you stand his "uniqueness" that comes with aspergers? Isn't he socially awkward to some degree? Isn't socializing hard for him in any way?

Basically what I'm saying is wouldn't an average woman be almost ashamed of having a relationship with a person with aspergers since normal people lives are dominated by social activities and those who don't socialize are ostracized as loners or freaks?[/quote oh you mean you take advice from stupid dumbasses? Maybe you need a rethink of socializing. I did have a social life. It was destroyed by insecure people.

This is either someone who doesn't fully understand pua or someone who has received extremely limited info on it and formed an entire opinion based on that misinformation, or they ate simply focusing on the wrong instructors or advice.

I won't even spend too much time replying to things today, but I will at least say this: There are a huge variety of different instructors teaching different things for all kinds of situations. It's not all about getting laid. It's MAINLY about how to make yourself more attractive to females. Of course, they will try to promote it in such a way that it somewhat comes across as "get laid quick" material because they are running a business and that is a technique that works to grab the attention of the audience they are trying to target. HOWEVER, the bottom line is that they teach men how to attract women and increase their odds of finding a mate, and it's up to the men to choose if they want a one night thing or a temporary fling or date casually or get a girlfriend and get married.

The material they teach is BY FAR

FAR

WAAAAAY MORE HELPFUL AND BENEFICIAL

than anything I've seen so far in this forum and other similar forums and Facebook support pages, etc. As a matter if fact, I can guarantee with confidence that everyone who has come here to find help and advice probably came here, spent time reading and left without any real advice or help or anything useful to change their situation.

Another thing is I am in my mid 30's and have tested a lot of these pua tactics, the stuff I've chosen to make a natural part of my personality, on women of various ages. It works on ALL ages, since humans have been designed to naturally respond to certain things in certain ways, regardless of age. If this wasn't true, then no one could find a way to call it "manipulation."

Like I've said, I've had a girlfriend , and I do thank PUA for helping me get her, in addition to helping me normalize myself to the point where I also successfully made friends and got into the dj business and find a job and be able to interact normally with coworkers and keep the job....

Now, there is a DOWNSIDE of PUA, as was described in the quoted post. The downside is that if you are socially awkward and already don't know what you're doing (in addition to being the type to take everything too literally), it will, more than likely, backfire if you learn this stuff and do it the wrong way. These pua instructors and DATING GURUS also warn you that the stuff they are teachcing needs to be used IN A PROPER MANNER, and I capitalize that to stress the importance of using the material properly, and in a way that's congruent to your natural personality. As far as me trying to explain how to do this in the form of text without actually being there to show you in person, that is something I cannot do. This whole thing can get complicated, especially when you're dealing with a developmental or social disorder that affects your social skills and affects the way you perceive and learn things....

Therefore, of course you're going to look sketchy if you're learning these things and don't know how to implement what you're learning and do it in a correct manner. It's like someone who took acting for the first time trying to succeed in a Broadway play or some type of movie the next day or week and expecting to look right.

I'm sorry that I did not post anything that could specifically help anyone directly, but the truth is that the kind of help we, or some.... Or most people here need is not something that can be taught through text. Therefore, in many ways, seeking help on an online forum is usually useless, although there is the possibility that someone could answer with links that direct you to a page or someplace where you can find the specific help you need. But as far as getting online and posting a bunch of lists and things to do, like dress better or go to the gym or start feeling better and confident or just be yourself and wait or keep trying or try harder, etc., not only will that not get anyone anywhere (and I cannot understand why people still even think to post this type of crap, which I just saw on reddit), but it can be more harmful than PUA advice itself! At least PUA is teaching you SPECIFIC guidelines and techniques to tackle various situations women can throw at you then hold against you if you respond to the situation the wrong way!

A pua instructor (the good ones, at least) would also never say go to the gym more often and buy more clothes then have you going out and spending hundreds of dollars on new outfits only to realize that this does nothing for you, in most cases. You SIMPLY HAVE TO KNOW (OR LEARN) HOW TO ATTRACT WOMEN AND DO THINGS THAT MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD, COMFORTABLE, AND SEXUAL around you. Of course you could just make them feel good or comfortable without making them feel sexual and have them see you as only a friend to talk to and buy them things while they make love and commit to other guys who know how to make them feel sexual, but I'm sure most guys don't want that.

This is another one of the many reasons pua exists. Many people simply just do not understand the complex, multidimensional nature in which humans have been hardwired to operate, and this is where pua can come in handy to teach the psychological dynamics of social and romantic interactions. The funny thing is most people are completely ignorant to how social dynamics work, even to the point where the people who complain about pua material don't realize that they themselves respond to and are attracted to THE EXACT SAME THINGS THEY TEACH! The people who complain about it are usually the same ones who would reject a guy for being his real weird self while on asperger support pages and forums asking why they can never find a good guy.

Lol

I even got kicked out of a support page online for pointing this out!

I will just say this:
IF YOU TRULY WANT TO FIND A GOOD, HONEST NICE GUY, YOU WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!

LASTLY, it is a proven psychological fact that most men go by looks while women focus more on personality. Therefore, no one can get upset over a man saying they want a good looking female when women have blatantly shown that they want a normal acting guy. Men and women both have the right to reject what they don't like, as you can see... I notice that no matter how good I look, I am still held back due to my aspue traits slipping out. The moment I slip up and say or do something that isn't right, according to social standards, I usually do not get a second chance with women, or I'm immediately limited to "just friends" or something. If it's true that a real, mature woman doesn't act like this, then I can only assume, based on REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE, that I haven't ran into any non shallow female, with exception for two, in my 34 years of life. ...... Then people wonder why generalizations and stereotypes exist, lol.

Ya I hate it whenever people answer this question by saying that's just the way it is, because I believe there is an explanation for almost everything in life

And what I hate the most, is women calling me cute. I am not cute. To cute, it gets old. Whatever the chance is. Women want to much and we suffer with pain pills until god takes our life.I honestly hate when god makes human beings to f**k up s**t. It is god that made mistakes and cause nothing but problems. If eve didn't eat from the tree, there wouldn't be humans. God made humans to f**k up. Because god is stupid.

ya there are times I have hated that before in the past from girls that I was attracted to back, because I feel if they really thought I was cute, they would have dated me or slept with me, now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying they owed me, because they did not, I am NOT owed anything from women, but still, it was like a rub in the face.

Oh, another thing I learned from PUA that was beneficial to online dating was to NOT be one of those guys who says things like "I like long walks on the beach," "I'm a nice guy," "I like cuddling," or anything similar or anything to indicate that I haven't had much success with women or anything that indicates that I'm desperately trying to get someone.

I used to be that guy talking about how I am nice and funny and like long walks on the beach or cuddling and posting a list of things I like and wanted, and needless to say,

NO REPLIES.

It sucks, but it's very plain and simple:
THERE ARE RULES YOU ARE REQUIRED TO FOLLOW IN DATING IF YOU WANT RESULTS.

Don't take my word for it. Just look at some of the requirements posted in this topic alone that say you will never find someone unless you are or think a certain way.

This is, yet again, another reason for pua. Can't expect people to change to be the right way then criticize every avenue they use as an attempt to fix themselves enough to the point where they will gain acceptance. Either accept people as they are, or accept the fact that they are willing to do whatever is necessary to live up to your rules and standards to be accepted as a human being.

Always found it funny how people would ridicule and judge me and want me to change, but then when I tried to find material to help myself, they would criticize me for doing that as well.

"Just be yourself, but not that way!"

"Change / improve yourself, but not that way!"

That's basically what we're being told.

And yes, NTs do have some social awkwardness and issues sometimes as well, but the good thing for them is that they can easily fix that if they truly want to, based in the fact that they do not have a developmental disorder that DIRECTLY ATTACKS their social skills and behaviors. It is easier for them to learn and adapt, as oppose to someone who needs to learn how to be capable of understanding the fact that they need to change in addition to figuring out how and what exactly to change to get right.

It's a very complicated thing.

I'm just glad pua (in addition to great friends I've earned from changing) has helped me to change and learn how to act normal enough to make more friends, get back into school, get a job and keep it, and finally move into my own place, which are ALL things women even expect from a guy. Funny thing is aspergers can hold you back from obtaining those things, because in order to obtain those things, you must interact with or depend on the acceptance of other people, and those people can be as judgemental and unaccepting as some of the criticizers that post here. They expect you to be a certain way before allowing you to work for them or work with other people within their company, etc. If anyone complains about your weirdness or any woman reports you as being creepy, you are done, and who cares if you can't pay your bills or if you fall behind and struggle or if you have a disorder that causes you to do and say things in weird ways, etc. Now, imagine living in a roommate situation and how quickly that could go bad if you do not act they way you are "supposed" to.

Then people want to accuse someone of "using a label to hold them back."

That still posses me off so much that I want to go full NT on someone if they ever said that to me. Then they will be wishing I used a label to hold myself back! Lol

Aspergers is not a choice.

HOWEVER!! !!

HOWEVER!! !!,

Being more accepting and understan ding of people who are different IS a choice, and with that acceptance and understanding, LESS people would be rejected and held back!

Get this stuck in the back of your mind or Mark it on a wall somewhere and
THINK ABOUT IT!

I wish everyone could just automatically think and understand things this way.

If someone is losing a job or repelling peopleand having a hard time making it in life because they are continuously being rejected and cast aside by society, then how is the person who is struggling and trying desperately to make it as people push him down all because he doesn't act the way majority society expects being accused of using a label to victimize himself?

After seeing that remark, in addition to a few other things, I've come to the conclusion that humans aren't really that bright after all. Anyway..... I'm wasting time. All the time I spend here reading stuff and letting it affect me I could be using to better and improve myself so I don't have to find myself here in the future trying to seek answers or see if someone else has possibly figured out a solution to something I'm trying to fix.

It just bothers me that there are many people in the world like this, who bully, tease, or reject others for not being a certain way, then they want to get upset and accuse people of victimizing themselves or using a label as a crutch or tell them they are causing their own problems, etc.

WOW



Anyway, I'm done. Sitting here continuing to post will not change anything and all I'm doing is wasting time letting things get to me to the point where I keep coming back to rediscuss it. Any typos or poor sentence structures or whatever in my posts will remain as is. I'm out for now.

Lol, I said I'm done and you already have me wanting to come back and say more.

Before I even get into it, I better just say (or pretend) that.... I have no comment on this.

All I will say is... I did not choose to be this way and I did not choose to be in this world and I'm sure no one chose to be created the way they are or to be as judgemental and rejecting as they are or choose to make society a certain way or make people a certain way.

So..... With that being said, ..... The only sensible conclusion I can come to is that either God is not perfect or we all completely misunderstand what exactly God is doing or what he wants. I was trying to avoid getting into religion here, but since it has already been introduced, I will proceed to say that I do not date or try to get religious women because they already have an excuse to reject a guy they want to reject for whatever reasons.

Fun fact is that when people truly want or like something, they will make excuses and find all the reasons they can to support their decision to do what they are about to do to get what they want. They will make time for it and they won't let things get in the way. Not only did I learn this psychological fact from pua, but I've seen it happen SEVERAL TIMES, AS REAL LUFE EXPERIENCE.

Why do I bring this up?

Because, when someone is not interested in or doesn't want something, they will find all the excuses and reasons to reject it.

I remember the first girl I tried to ask out after overcoming social anxiety used religion as her excuse for why she couldn't date me. My level of faith wasn't high enough, she said.

My first ex girlfriend from thirteen to fifteen years ago tried to use religion as an excuse to say we couldn't be together for the longest time before she fell in live with me. Then, once I started doing things right and she began to like me, ALL THE SUDDEN it was ok for her to like me and the excuse was that her brother dated outside of his religion, so she could as well.


That was her way of justifying her actions and behaviors - now that she wanted to do the same things she said she couldn't do before she realized that she wanted me.

So, if you've ever gotten a phrase like "I am not looking for anything right now," or "I need to focus on my career," or "you're a nice guy, but I just want to be friends," or "we should be friends first / I'm not looking for anything right now / I am too busy to date" etc.,

ALL OF THOSE ARE CONVENIENT EXCUSES WOMEN ARE USING TO HOLD THEMSELVES BACK FROM YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED.

How do I know this? Because

NOBODY HILDS BACK FROM OR LETS ANYTHING GET IN THE WAY OF SOMETHING THEY TRULY DESIRE.

People will ALWAYS make time for something they truly want. This is why you often see these same people who don't want a relationship or don't have time ending up in some relationship with some other guy they complain about, often times while you sit there and listen to her.

Anyone who has studied good pua material would have learned that emotion is not logical, and women are emotional creatures. Therefore, you cannot use logic to talk a woman into liking you or to figure out how to attract a woman.

Notice that most of the stuff that you learn in pua is NOT logical. It's counterintuitive and plays on how people respond emotionally, NOT logically.

This explains why women don't like nice guys, then get upset when people point out that psychologically proven fact. Logically, it doesn't make sense, but emotionally, the bad boy is the one who knows how to excite and turn a woman on. Of course, when you're sitting home or somewhere in front of your computer or phone thinking in a logical frame of mind, it's easy to say I like nice guys who are funny and make me laugh. But this is not what women respond to EMOTIONALLY! Emotion is not logical. This is why you never see clowns getting laid and very rarely see nice guys becoming more than anything but just friends, while the jerks seem to always win.

Notice how it's all counterintuitive?

Let's not even focus on women, but on people as a whole. Have you noticed how we all claim to want world peace and just want everyone to get along and see good things happen? If that's the case, then why do we watch violent movies as oppose to movies with all peaceful things happening and why do we stop on the freeway or street to look at car accidents and damaged stuff but not to see two people hugging or doing something positive, and why is it more acceptable to express emotions of anger, but being too nice and sensitivie is a bad, creepy thing?

See, it's not just women, but people in general are more interested in bad things - things that get their emotions going. Logically, we like to believe that we want peace, but emotionally, we want drama and excitement.

This is pretty much the same reason why women seek bad boys and not the sweet, sensitive, over caring, kind hearted nice guy who just want to love and be there for her. I know how it feels to just want to love and be there for a woman and give her your everything and be in a deep loving relationship where you are both free to love and express your feelings. I also know that this is something that should work LOGICALLY. However, I also know that this is NOT how the world works and being this way would creep women out and repel them faster than anything. Even men who abuse women seem to attract them and cause them to give more excuses for why they cannot leave the relationship than the nice guy can. The nice guy usually gets all the excuses from women for why she cannot be with him. Logically, it makes no sense, but it's all counterintuitive.

THIS IS JUST THE WAY WE HUMANS WERE CREATED.

SO.....................

This all goes back to whether or not God was stupid to create us the way He did.

Well, ... I have my opinions, but I'll leave that up to you to think about and decide, lol.

I'll just say that if it were up to me, I, more than likely, would've designed things differently.

One thing my Christian friends could never answer is why God created some people with Schizophrenia, Autism, and other things that will naturally put them at a disadvantage in life and society. A lit of things in the bible and about God in general simply just don't make sense. But then again, I'm not supposed to think too much (despite being created with a mind like this) but I am, instead, supposed to just sit back, not think and just believe and act according to what others tell me.

F--- that, lol.

There are already enough people doing that, as you can see from some of the comments you've seen here criticizing people who are already struggling and seeking help.

Ok, now I'm done.

I thought it was rather spot-on.



I don't follow.



No, it doesn't work on all women all ages. It only works on SOME NTs.



No way. PUA is a NT-fling, and there is no way it can ever become congruent to my neurodiverse personality.



I refuse to "act" in any way in the relationship area. For me, a healthy relationship can never be a social game you need to play all the time.



No way I would ever want to learn that.



That's precisely why it won't work for or on neurodiverse people.

well thats the thing though. most nt women never suffer from low self esteem. so they only view it as a horrible thing that one never comes back from.

people who suffered from any disorder or illness will be able to relate to others. but those who haven't won't.and they will never get us.

please do go tell the women of the world this though you probably agree with them in that this doesn't apply tot hem they're women so they can be hypocritically.

also don't remember wanttogeta life saying he wants super model body women just that he is jealous of young couples. so there you go again assuming we are all single cause we want super hot women.

there's handsome/good looking and there's cute. the first is romantic/sexual. the later is puppies and friendship.
so when a girl says you're cute its just like being a puppy or kitten. doesn't mean anything to do with relationships. don't think I've ever heard a woman refer to her bf as cute.

I suppose I just don't see why everyone goes after this very narrow definition of a normal/attractive women...sometimes I get the impression some people here or elsewhere people are just trying to be attracted to what they have been conditioned to think they ought to be attracted to. I mean if normal is really what people want, I suppose normalizing them-self to the best of their ability and using generalized tactics meant to work on most stereotypical females isn't so bad. I suppose I just have the perspective of being a weird misfit of society...so naturally I think I'd do better in a relationship with someone similar in that way....than say pursuing some narrow image of 'normal'. I guess I am also getting sort of used to guys who won't be clear of their intentions....or tell me things I'd have liked to know sooner. Like this one recently he could have just said he's got a couple interests and just wanted to hang out and fool around a little but wasn't ready to commit to anything....but instead plays it like I am the only one he's seeing and later on tells me he's already into someone else so we can't have anything long term, well if he was planning to date this other chick....why the hell did he go and hook up with me and not even mention there was a good chance it wouldn't go any further. I likely would have been fine with that...but it was the telling me after sort of acting as though we where forming some kind of relationship that bothered me.

But are you saying this PUA thing some of you speak of does not encourage misleading females?

I have neither and I have been married for 15 years, to a woman who is definitely not "bottom of the barrel." Many people tell me she is quite attractive. Her best ability, thought, is mate selection