Love sick.

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Hey Guys,

Feeling Down, over boy issues. His name is George he’s 20 I’m 24, not a lot can be done but vent my feelings in a safe space. So I started work in October and well I saw this guy there and I found him really attractive I'm talking like too nervous to talk to attractive. He spoke to me first saw me at the bus stop on the way home and just started speaking general stuff really like how I'm finding work and stuff obviously I choke and stumble across my words when I reply which we laugh off.
After that I sort of started making it a bit of a mission to at least say hi to him if I saw him in the break lounge most of the time he didn't remember my name. Come the Christmas party at a night club in town. Really don't want to go but house mates encourage me and some other work friends really wanted me to come. I show up and spend my time with another person who struggles socially with nightclubs you know an aspies worst night mare environment, large crowds, loud music, complex social interaction with the integration of alcohol. (At work I'm fine) and another guy who gives me lifts who is shy but socially is fine after he warms up. George sees me and says hello and goes off and speaks with his group. Little later in the evening he comes back to me and asks if I want to go with a walk with him I say yes and we go out with two other work colleagues. We come to a church and we stop the conversation I don't remember George pulls out a zoot to share with everyone. At this point not really sure why I was invited to this, to be social and not due to peer pressure I have some and really after its smoked and like after some generic conversation, George says he’s not feeling well and goes home. I go back to the Christmas party with the two other colleagues feeling mighty relaxed.
Work is closed due to Christmas Hols so my next interaction with him was at the Christmas work dinner. I show up see some colleagues chit chat, don't see George we get taken to our seats which have ours names on the table by sheer coincidence I see Georges name next to mine. The guy who's sat on the other side of George empty seat notices, Georges name and calls him a twat and moves his name to a seat on the end of a table awkwardly positioned behind a pillar which sort of segregates who ever sat there from the group bar one other person. George shows up about half an hour late sits in his chair has the cutest smile on his face but I can see he’s feeling a tad left out and awkward but I'm too shy and awkward to get up and move to the spot near him plus the girl on my left only knew me so I felt obligated to not leave her on her own. Anyway another kind soul get up to join him. The end of this evening I left when the meal was done but spoke to George on my way out and ended up with his Phone number.
I text him for the first time Christmas eve and find he’s walking home from somewhere I work out his route in my head and figure out he’s going to walk past the house I was in, ask if he’s up for a few drinks, he turns it down, which I was fine with as it was late. A few days later we have somewhat of a deepish text conversation I ask what he’s into and what he does for fun and like test the waters and see if he’s got a gf or bf maybe try and get a scope of his sexual orientation. I find out he’s bi. Well he explains that he’s Pan Demi sexual saying that in order for him to get with someone he has to feel a connection with them. So I start thinking I have a chance.
A week later I ask via if he wants to meet up maybe grab some breakfast, he says he’s broke, I say I’ll pay he says he would feel awkward letting me pay, I suggest coming round mine for drinks and video games, No reply I wait 30mins and then panic and send another text saying No worries I found someone else to hang out with. Next time I see him at work he comes up to me and says that last option sounded really good and I wanted to come but I ran out of credit. I go bright red and we arrange it for next day. Turns out to be fun it’s a tad awkward but he enjoyed himself enough to want to come over the next day, and have a repeat of day one. Third day doesn't happen as I have work and I don't see him for nearly 2 weeks as work haven't been calling him in. In those 2 weeks I went to his place a few times met his mates. Got to know each and I really loved being in his company.
March my birthday we have a cuddle during our break at work in the wooded area. We have a mad one after work with a bunch of work people. I get smashed for the first time ever after he’s left I sent him a whole bunch of text saying I love him, He laughed these off at work the next day.

I get a phone call from him out of the blue asking for help his brother is in trouble in Prison and they need £300 to stop his brother from getting beaten up. I agree to help as he swears he will pay me back and I felt in need of some good Karma.
The weather starts to get warmer we start walking down the river on our way home from work hanging out more. One time he was meant to come my yard to chill he forgot so the next day he shows up with a cake to say sorry. We spend an all nighter at his he get we have some deep convos bare in mind two of his mates are there he off, we do this thing where we swap phones to read each other’s last texts. He reads one where he had upset me and I mentioned the only reason it upset me was because I fallen too deep for him and getting burned for it. He responds that he’s touched and then gets really affectionate and strokes my face and that. He offers to walks me home I declined because I wanted to stay at his for longer and then he offered me to stop the night, but his mates then never left either. I start to think that his offer to walk me home was a reason to be alone with me and get rid of his mates.
I do voluntary work for a company that hires out Dr Who props, I get asked to help out last min for a job the next day, I'm supposed to be hanging out with George I phone him up and he says it fine and offers to help, I say he has to be at mine for 5am so he can stop the night at mine if he wants he says yeah but then latter on says he can’t come the night before as he stuck at a mates, but he will be at mine at 5. He show up at mine at 5 but he got there by walking from his friends have to leave there at 2am to get to mine for 5 as it was a 3 hour walk as he didn't want to let me down. We get the job done before 10am and it turns out were 20mins from Alton Towers and decide to go on the fly and have lots of fun. On the way home He takes my jacket uses it as a blanket curls up and uses me as a pillow. My house mate who driving see me smiling and reminds me that it means nothing I’m just there. It doesn’t stop me thinking how cute he is at that point in time though.

Pay day comes and he pays me back £150 but then goes on to ask for £80 back but only because he owes someone else money there and then and can’t get it out as he’s left his card at his dads. He then takes me to his dads when I was only 5 mins from home and we go to the cash point he has no money so I am slightly annoyed we go back to his dad bear in mind there is someone else with us. Were back at his dads for 5 mins when he says he wants to be alone and asks us to leave. I tell him that out of respect since he clearly doesn’t want me there I will go but I am pissed at its over an hour walk and he had dragged me there for him to pay me back but he couldn’t so I thought we would hang out instead. I text him later seeing if he’s still awake But he doesn’t reply I assume he’s asleep. At work the next day I ask if he slept well and he said I slept well but not much I went to a party about 5 mins after you left another mate showed up and invited me and he thought to himself that he was pissed off so why not. I got really mad I was like you drag me 2 hours out my way tell me to leave because you want to be alone and then you go to a party and even then it was 2 minutes after we left we were still close so you could of phoned us and told us that a party was happening. I also mention that he had no reason to be pissed out at me. His reply on text was cool do you want to meet up later. We meet up and he explains that it the guy who came with was getting on his nerves I did nothing wrong but he couldn’t ask the other guy to leave without asking me to go to.

Another work party, we get ready and show up together, we chat to various to work friends at some point he comes up to me as I’m sat on a bench and we have a conversation that went along the lines of me being too good for him and that he couldn’t give me what I want. He feels I want some long term relationship and yeah that’s true. He says the most I could probs get from him is a one or two year thing that would also have to be open as he loves girls too much and it would also end as his goal is a wife and kids. It hurts a lot to hear this I’m nearly in tears I fully understand he can’t help how he feels as much as I can’t but he does say he wish he could like me as much as I liked him. He says he loves me enough that he would do anything for me at the same time just not in the same way I love him. The thing I would be happy if that one or two year thing happened because a lot could happen in those 2 years I might become sick of him or he could realise how I might be worth keeping.

Not a lot has happened much since the weather has gone downhill so we don’t go home together as often I had a free house this weekend and had some stuff from gardening to burn so we spent the weekend drinking and burning garden waste but for some reason I couldn’t understand much of what he was saying, I kept asking what do you mean and such and I think this got on his nerves and he got a text from someone at some point out of making conversation I asked who you chatting to, and he was like if you must know wife it’s my mother and I laughed it off but he said it wasn’t funny you don’t need to be into my stuff all the time, I just went a bit quiet. He just left about an hour ago but he said he was getting pissed off at me and I asked why what have I done and he said it was just little things building up and bothering him, he sort of then went on to reinsure me that he would be annoyed at most people by now if he spent 3 days with them. This ended the weekend on a low note.

So this has all happened over 7 month period we haven’t kissed or made out and some advice I have received is if he liked you something would of happened by now and other advice being that I shouldn’t be blind. Some other advice being I can’t compete with a girl. All of the advice has been that I should try to move on and I know there right but I can’t help but hope that there wrong. I can’t help but hope that there is a chance. I know that I still haven’t become myself around him yet fully due to little things to not understanding all of his terminology if I understood him clearly I could be more myself as such, I’m not saying I actively change my self around its just I guess he makes me feel nervous and more reserved. Long story short. I am going to break my heart and going to get ruined at the moment is not happened but it most likely will the second he gets a girlfriend and to be honest in conversation he has said that he feels like he can’t do that to me. I also know that if he did fall for a girl he would go for it. We all would. I just feel like there’s hope that when I’m fully comfortable around him and can be more me he will like me more. I can hope but I know this is more likely going to end badly it’s like my heart and brain are at war.

Anyways I’m just going to leave this here. Similar stories would be interesting to read any advice would be cool though I’m sure I heard it all but not from a fellow aspies perspective.

Sorry your feeling so strongly for this person but after I read the part of you giving them money, I feel you've been taken. If you, were trying to have a relationship with someone would you ask them for money? Maybe you'll get money back maybe not. Please be careful.

I am sure I will get the money back I will find out in 10 days on pay day as we are both paid monthly. His brother was genuinely in trouble though as I heard from his mum. We are going on holiday next week as well.

This reminded of a similar situation i was in, for a long time. I have a thread on here from a few years back something like "Getting Over Somebody You Can Never Be With" This was after a long period wishing that someone-thing would happen etc. It's the hope that kills you in the end, you think something might happen eventually- They will get to know you better, hang out more, go on a date etc. If they already know you like them and nothings happened after months then i dont believe you can do much to change that.
You'll end up clinging onto things they've said or did and taking that as a sign.

Theres two routes i can think of, you can either do what i did and keep hoping potential for a long time, i dont know either of you so i can never say what would happen or what chance you have.

The second route is just as painful in trying to kill that hope and move on. My friend was very supportive with this, if i needed space she would give me it i needed advice etc or any help she was there for me. It was very hard of course i do have some feelings still but nothing major. Ive not felt the same for anybody afterwards but im glad not to be stuck with hope anymore. I remember joining a dating site just to meet new people make some friends and the first person i was matched with was her which killed.

Its not really advice but just a similar kind of experience ive had. Me and my friend our really close so we were able to talk about this, maybe you should try have another about everything with him see were that leads.
It took me 3 years maybe more to get over this.

If hes told you his bi then i dont think the advice that you cant compete with a girl counts. Doesn't matter the gender is. Your right he will get a girlfriend if he feels that connections we all would. he wont turn someone down because it would upset a friend must of us would do the same. If it does happen my advice is be happy for them even if your dying inside at least there happy.

I feel your pain. Actually it's funny because I went through the exact same thing today.

I was completely obsessed over this one girl starting in late February who was in the same class as me. She was this cute petite redhead. Awww man, I was crazy about her. Listening to crappy love songs on my headphones all day, I remember all of march I was so lovestruck that I could barely eat and sleep and all I wanted to do was see her again. It's been a while since I have had such strong feelings for someone. When we were in class and I had the opportunity, we had a few conversations here and there and she sent me mixed signals. For a couple of weeks, I thought she was uninterested and last week she asked me to play ping pong with her and she was smiling and laughing at whatever I said.

I actually got the nerves to send her a Facebook friend request this Saturday and she accepted and I was super elated. Anyways, today I was searching through her profile and it said she was in a relationship with another girl. So yup I was pretty bummed. I had a feeling though that this was coming. I mean this girl pretty much said hi to all the other guys and didn't treat me much differently so I figured she was in a relationship of some sort.


So yeah, I wasted 2 months of my life thinking about her all day, listening to crappy love songs, and doing nothing productive with my life but just reading article after article on how to tell if a girl likes you and how to talk to a girl you like. All because Facebook doesn't allow you to check the relationship status of people who arne't your friends. Talk about stupid right? So yeah when you like someone, for god's sake please make sure they're single so you won't have to waste any time obsessing over them.

Yeah I definitely know hes single Its just the same as Hoggy I honestly don't think like I felt like this about anyone before I genuinely was worried i couldn't feel love I have had people interested me and me not feel the same back.
Thanks for the support Darkphantom, I know he is single luckily enough and sorry for what happened to you man and to Hoggy.

I was the same i didn't get my first crush until i was 18. I hadn't felt anything for anyone up until this really cute girl that was in my sociology class.
There wasn't really anything when i was younger, i remember one girl i thought she would be all right to get to know better - hang out etc but i wasn't thinking about a relationship or anything. Turns out that was the same girl i got the crazy feelings for years later. I never ended up asking her turns out she had been secretly going out for weeks with my friend in English class before they announced it. But i didn't have any feelings for her at the time until she end up becoming one of my closest friends.

So yeah i was worried too. Since this person i have nearly gone on a date with a girl we made all these plans then she just ghosted me. Something good will happen for both of us eventually

Hopefully. I had a discussion with him today. He wasn't happy with me today, turns out something was playing on his mind he thinks that 90% of my past that I had told him is a lie, not really sure where he got this idea from. He felt that all of the personal stuff hes told me I was taking the piss off by not telling him the truth back.

I haven't lied to him once by the way but I understand his feelings. I told him that I was frustrated that he doesnt belive me, hes offering me the opportunity to proof my self by introducing him to my family and close friends. Though I am happy to do this i'm also insulted that he wants me to proof myself to him but like I take his word as truth 100% of the time.

He knows he has no need to lie to me.

I too know this feeling. In one of my older posts I was talking about going on dates with this nice girl I liked "How to behave on a second date".

Well we went on three 'dates' before she told me that she's bisexual but is only attracted to women right now and looking for a girlfriend.

We agreed to be friends and even said when she likes guys again we'll give each other a try...the only pain is the waiting...which is happening right now. I'm hopeful, very hopeful, but it's already been 6 weeks...maybe someday...

Strongest feelings ever for anyone as well...

Why does this seem to happen so often?

Hey man, you've gotten much farther then iv'e ever gotten with women ever. Iv'e never been on a date or even been friends with a girl. I don't get much interaction with the opposite sex tbh. Don't get me wrong, I would like to but i'm just really shy around girls and most of them don't share the same interests as me. I tend to get along better with guys just because i'm more comfortable around them and I don't think most girls share a passion of video games or Runescape or whatever...

Just hold on to this girl and keep being friends with her. If you two are meant to be in a relationship, then it will eventually work out. If not, then build up a friendship with her and eventually you will have a good female friend. Never take the fact you have a friend that's a girl for granted. You can use her to slowly build your confidence up around women in general so when you do meet another girl whom you really connect with, you'll be in better shape because you have no problem interacting with the opposite sex.

Be happy with what you have accomplished at your age especially since you're an aspie and we usually don't develop relationship/dating skills till we're in our 20s. At 16, I couldn't even talk to a girl without freezing up and looking like a complete idiot. A conversation longer then 5 seconds with a girl was considered a success back when I was 16.

wait o.O. people like one gender or both, but never heard of any one swtiching which they like. ie going from straight ot gay back to straight. I don't' believe her. one thing if she said shes only after girls right now but still attracted to guys. but to say she did find guys attractive and some how turned it off. ^o.o>

had a girl who was unsure of if she was attracted to only women or men. then found out only women.

I used to think I was bisexual myself so I can relate to her. Even if we are always attracted to both men and women, they might go through 'phases' where they prefer one gender over the other.

She said she still has feelings for guys and she knows she does, she has had both boyfriends and girlfriends in the past, she said it's 55% girls 45% guys.

It's just she can't look at a guy and think instantly think he's attractive apparently. She told me she couldn't really explain it well.

But yeah I know how it feels because I use to feel it too, even if you like both sexes you might only be interested in actually having a relationship with/kissing/having sex with one gender at the time.

And considering she said if she liked guys she would have dated me (she said this on the third date when she has to reject me and let me down easy) and she agreed we'll try dating once she likes guys again.

And if you are right and she is just lying to me, than f*ck her. I'm sorry but I made it clear I'm perfectly fine with being just friends as well (which I mostly am, I'd prefer not to just be friends forever but if we end up just being friends I'll have to accept it eventually). I am fine with being friends and she doesn't need to lie to try and make me feel better and stop from hurting my feelings.

Anyway, yeah.

Darkphantomx1: I agree with all this. If it's meant to be then things will work out. She'll eventually start to be able to have an interest in guys again and I can ask her out on a date again or she can ask me out and we'll have already been good friends for a bit and because she is bisexual she doesn't follow 'traditional' dating rules so she would be perfectly okay with just being friends with a guy first and she even said there was this one guy she was only friends with for SIX MONTHS before they started dating.

On our third date she even said I'm not actually in her 'friendzone' but definitely in her 'possible boyfriend' zone and that I even still have a 'pretty good chance' that possibly sometime later in the year things would work out it's just that she really can't see herself dating a guy right now and I respect her feelings...

And if it's not meant to be then yes we will just be friends. It's only been a few months but she's already proven to be a very good, very valuable friend to me and I like her so much as a friend for this. I can see myself being just friends with her or a relationship but for now I would prefer relationship.

Anyway I'd like to stop hijacking this thread and get things back to the OP's story.

I just wanted to say OP I think most of us can relate in many ways both me and DarkPhantomx1 know that feeling...you're not alone.

I just wish I knew how to help, I wish more of us did...

Sorry for not contributing to your discussion had been away for a few days, and its cool that you hijacked the thread man. Its just love feels like you know so much bs like its just sorta frustrating how it seems so out of control who you fall for and how even more out of control it is for that person to have any interest. Anyways quick update after another conversation where we had some time alone and i could explain my life in a little more details hes come to believe me on what I have told him about my self, On the other hand he wants more time apart as we have been hanging out a lot which is understandable, one of my aspie traits is setting a rule and sticking to it, I can be flexible with scheduling and such by using vague terminology for it, but rules i create for my self tend to be rigid. So the rule after he said he wanted to see less of me was to stop texting him or ringing him and to let him come to me instead if he wants to hang out or speak and such. Its already worked once for example at work I usual chill with him on most of the breaks the other day I let him come say hi to me at the start of the day I didn't go with him on the first break by the time to lunch he came to me to ask if I was coming with him at lunch. Unfortunately he hasn't contacted me at all over the weekend, if I stick with this rule it will eventually become evident how much me cares for me.

Ended up locked in at his house whilst he was at work bare in mind we haven't spoke for a few days. Complete accident I go to town(Both me and George live close to town) to get some stuff done. I bump into Jordan ( A mutual friend of me and George) I end up with nothing to do so ended up chilling with him all day. Georges Mum walks by and offers us in for a cup of a tea 10 mins late my mate goes to the shop for food and Georges mum left to move her car. So there I am left in house alone looking like a complete stalker luckier enough both of them came home before George finished work.

And today we where talking about the holiday were going and George mentions how some peeps will have to share a bed and like I went quiet and the two younger lads are deffo not up for sharing but and Curtis says as a joke to George you and George should share I blush a bit and George was like fine I don't mind sharing with Trev. and looks like that's the plan. I know it doesn't mean anything but still excited.