Think I'm being "ghosted" and dont know why?

Post Reply New Topic

I have been talking with someone, and I thought things had been going well, we seemed to get along, he seemed to enjoy my company. We have a lot in common and have seen each other a few times. I'm not sure if they were dates or just hanging out, and there is a considerable age gap. But I really thought there was a connection of some sort, and really care deeply for him. I'd be thrilled to even just have him as a friend, and I thought he felt the same.

He and I have very similar thought processes and based on some of the things he has said, I think there is a decent chance he is also on the spectrum.

He invited me over to his place to play an instrument he just got(mentioned previously he had only on two occasions had a guest in his house in at least 1.5yrs), offered to give me a guitar, and then suddenly stopped responding to my emails before we had a chance to get together. It has been ten days since his last email. I sent him a text today and have yet to hear back.

I don't know what could have happened? Or could this be an executive function thing on his end and I should stop worrying? I totally get executive function stuff, I wouldn't judge. Just would be nice to know so that I don't think I did something stupid or something.. I'm confused and a bit disappointed, I really enjoyed spending time with him.

Maybe inviting someone to his house unsettled him? (You say he doesn't have guests very often). Don't beat yourself up about it, it sounds like you both got on fine. Perhaps you made such a good impression on him that he needs some time to think about it. I know it's not easy, but you probably need to be patient; if he's serious I'm sure he'll get in touch.

Ghost him back.

If you like someone, for gosh sakes please don't ghost them because you're too scared to respond. Stupidest thing to do.

My plan is to just completely leave him alone at this point. I sent him a text this morning, he hasn't responded, I'll give him as much time/space as he needs... I don't think that this is ghosting him back, is it? I don't want to give the impression I am not interested in him, but I also don't want to come off as clingy/needy. I tend to get attached to people quickly and I don't want to scare him off if he just needs some time to process?

Also, he is a college professor and this is the last week of classes before finals, so maybe he is just busy?

The standard thing to do is send him one or two messages, then wait for him to respond. If he doesn't respond and you continue to try and get hold of him, you will look like some sort of stalker or perhaps desperate. Ten days is a long time but you have to wait and just move on with your life whether he responds or not.

I will admit I ghosted girls back in 2014 which I now regret doing because that was probably mean for me to do. Two different girls gave me their phone number back in 2014, one was like 14 and I was 19 (she probably thought i was 16) and she lived near my grandparents. That didn't work out too well. This one other girl, I wasn't interested in her. She asked me to be her boyfriend but I declined because I just wanted to be friends. She's in a relationship with another guy now so i'm happy for her.

The other thing that I am confused by is that it is not 100% no contact, as he has interacted with me through a couple of Facebook posts in the time since he last emailed? But no response to text or email. Ugh. Social rules are so confusing! Sometimes I wonder why I even bother