How can you get a girlfriend if you have aspergers syndrome?

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I'm a girl with asperger's and I met my boyfriend on okcupid. I was lucky in that he was the first and only person I had to talk to and go out with and it's worked out very well for us. He is not autistic but he does have some anxiety and self esteem issues and he's introverted and a bit socially awkward, so he wasn't too different from me.

Here are some tips that have helped me.

1) If you can take any classes or find a group or therapist who can help you with social interactions and perhaps dating in particular that has helped me a lot with socializing. I know some people aren't able to have access to those but books or websites can help too.

2) I met a lot of friends and dates through actively participating in activities and hobbies that I'm interested in- particularly by playing in a punk band but also through art classes and volunteering at the animal shelter.

3) In the end tip #2 didn't help me find a boyfriend though so I decided to take matters into my own hands and try online dating. It was a big decision for me and I almost chickened out- first making my account and then actually meeting the guy.

If you wanted to try online dating here is what happened. Since I'm a girl I got A TON of messages from guys. Unfortunately a lot of guys have it harder as they're generally expected to be the ones messaging girls. I don't know how other girls think, especially NT girls, but here is how I chose who to respond to:

1) I didn't respond to anyone who sent me a message commenting on how I looked. If it was a sexual comment I wasn't interested. If it was a genuinely nice comment about how I looked (you have pretty eyes, you have a nice smile, etc) I still didn't reply because I'd get so many messages those ones just didn't stand out and weren't interesting.

2) I didn't respond to anyone who faked being interested in my interests. I could tell who was really interested in my interests, hobbies, opinions, etc. Either they knew what they were talking about or they'd ask me a lot of questions and were interested in my answers.

3) I didn't respond to anyone who hadn't read my profile. If you're only going off the picture and don't care about who I am as a person I'm not interested. (I could tell because they'd be older than I had said I was willing to date on my profile, smoked or wanted to have kids which I had said NO to, asked me questions that I had already answered on my profile, etc)


So basically, if you're online dating make sure you read people's profiles and message them about a shared interest or something you find interesting on their profile that shows that you care about them as a person!

Also, my boyfriend told me some weird stories about other girls he had met including one girl who only wanted to talk about serial killers! I'm very glad that he didn't give up because of a few bad dates. You just have to keep trying until you find someone you "click" with. Sometimes girls don't message you back or pursue a further relationship not because of you, but because they end up committing to someone else first.

It was really awkward and nerve wracking for me to go on a date with someone I hadn't met in real life. A lot of awkward silences and stuff but he told me that's normal because it's a weird situation and most people won't judge you too much based on that. He told me he liked me because I was weird and different so there are people out there who will love you for being different!

As for my diagnosis- I told him about a week or two into dating him but I didn't tell him right away. I tried to get a gauge on how the relationship was going first.

I think she just doesn't want them to fake it. She wants them to have had the same interests BEFORE meeting her. I get that. I used to be like that when I was younger. Now I'm okay with feigned interest--at least they're trying. If you think about it, it really says a lot about how much they like you-if they are actually willing to go to THAT LENGTH to talk to you instead of just going for something easy--, they must be a really caring person who is willing to put in effort. And that goes a looonng way in a relationship.

Unfortunately I feel your pain. I am an aspie woman and don't see how I can find man who understands and can tolerate my moods. Men are not taught in our society that being emotionally intelligent is important.

As an aspie girl I am not attracted to many men and find sex often repulsive. The men I am attracted to are usually bastards and I don't see a way around this. Sigh. I give up for now. I have had trauma and working through this helps but not really enough .

It is important that all people look at them selves and see why they behave the way we do etc . I have been doing so much of this. The best thing to do I think is talk to a psychologist who knows about relationships and aspies and see if they can give you advice. Unfortunately women are attracted to men who are good in social situations and not awkward. My ex was an undiagnosed aspie and our interactions were so awkward and it was even worse as he would not admit that he is an awkward dude after I was explaining that I am this way.

Just be yourself and when the time is right things will happen.

I have a routine which I refer to as my social programming. For a limited amount of time I seem to be able to convince people that I am your every day 100% normal guy who can lay on the charm. When I first met my fiancee I fell into my programming and we talked, I laughed at jokes I didn't understand, proceeded to lay on some charm I hard learned from trial and error and bought £10 worth of raffle tickets in support of a bear sanctuary that she was selling. Boom, Facebook friend request followed by messages which I spent longer than I care to admit editing to make sure they came across as 'normal' then onto dates which were always tailored to involve activities so the focus wasn't always on conversation. From there it was a slow process of introducing her to my 'quirks' and giving her time to accept them one by one.

I do not advise this. My partner has often said that I was "so different" in the beginning and it stirs up guilt that I pretty much lied to her about who I am and tricked her into being with someone completely different to what she originally saw. Concentrate on being yourself, develop your own interests and then go somewhere where you can openly share these interests, there will be people there you can share these interests with and it'll be easier to get to know them and bond with them.

I am told a good haircut and an ironed shirt also helps but I have never attempted to apply this to myself.

Be yourself?

Ba. BAHAHAHA. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

What if you're rude, selfish, fat, have poor hygiene, jobless, lazy, angry, negative and sad?

You should never be yourself, you should be your BEST self.

Always work on self-improvement in any and every way you can.

You need to have a good self-esteem and be happy with who you are, yes.

But you also need to NEVER be satisfied with being content and always giving yourself something to work towards.

I do it be seducing them of course. Also... Asperger's Syndrome is no longer an existing diagnosis within the DSM ever since its version V came out (not that I ever believed in the fraudulent cult-scheme of psychiatry to begin with in the first instance).

I'm 27 with a beautiful 23 year old wife and I had many relationships before her. I'm high functioning with an IQ of 136 I've learned over years to ape human behaviour and it is exhausting! Over time my true nature shows. My wife says I can be inconsiderate but she understands and from what I've observed its not unusual for males. She is wonderful. She has elevated hormones but is extremely logical. We are in a way dealing with the same problem! I am affected by testosterone and adrenalin, I have human needs even though my mind rejects primitive emotions and behaviours.

I'm interested in meeting similar high functioning aspies.