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Luntan
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14 May 2007, 12:41 pm

I think the disqualifier is really:

If you can put the girl in focus and invest emotion in her: then yes definately.

If you can't: then it is highly unlikely

If you can't care about a woman more than what she can provide you and your self image, you shouldn't even have a girlfriend. She's bound to be unhappy with you. Also, you shouldn't pity yourself if you're unable to strongly care about another person and can't get a date. If that's the case you should realise that you don't even have a legitimate problem to begin with.

I never look for women because I'm too darn lazy and egocentrical to learn empathy. Neither do I feel warm and tingly if one offers me a compliment. Guess that makes me a robot. :D

It just irks me how people who never comforts/appreciates/encourages/loves/affirms another wail when noone is willing to give it up to them. :evil:



Raylynn
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14 May 2007, 12:41 pm

I want to be a girlfriend. But by the time I realize someone is interested in me they move on to another person ... So there's never even a chance.



Kilroy
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14 May 2007, 12:43 pm

I just can't find anyone I do like or who would ever like me :cry:



Sopho
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14 May 2007, 12:43 pm

Raylynn wrote:
I want to be a girlfriend. But by the time I realize someone is interested in me they move on to another person ... So there's never even a chance.

At least you have people interested in you. That's a start. :)



Raylynn
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14 May 2007, 12:45 pm

Sopho wrote:
Raylynn wrote:
I want to be a girlfriend. But by the time I realize someone is interested in me they move on to another person ... So there's never even a chance.

At least you have people interested in you. That's a start. :)


haha a start yes. but I never reap any benefits from this start.



Sopho
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14 May 2007, 12:47 pm

Raylynn wrote:
Sopho wrote:
Raylynn wrote:
I want to be a girlfriend. But by the time I realize someone is interested in me they move on to another person ... So there's never even a chance.

At least you have people interested in you. That's a start. :)


haha a start yes. but I never reap any benefits from this start.

You should try and work out which guys like you then :D



Kilroy
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14 May 2007, 12:47 pm

but you ave people who like you-look at the positive
I've had one girl tell me she liked me (hen she moved) and I liked her too :(



Sopho
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14 May 2007, 12:49 pm

Kilroy wrote:
but you ave people who like you-look at the positive
I've had one girl tell me she liked me (hen she moved) and I liked her too :(

Same. Except I didn't like her back. I doubt there'll ever be another girl who'd want me though.



rog161uk
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14 May 2007, 12:50 pm

Sopho,

You seem so negative about the prospect of finding a partner. I assume this is more down to the availability of women as opposed to men. Are there not bars and clubs where you live that cater for your preferences? Would it not be worth trying to strike up even the most rudimentary friendship with the person you're interested with at uni, maybe with a view introducing them to your 'scene' subtly?

You don't need to give the game away until your ready and comfortable.

My problem is not so much one of finding a partner; but more of keeping one: the "flame" seems to be burn out when I'm under alot of stress, particularly work. First relationship lasted 2 years or so; second 1 year, and now I'm counting them in the weeks ... I don't understand it myself. Would appreciate if somebody could explain it to me ...

Roger



Kilroy
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14 May 2007, 12:51 pm

there is-you just haven't met her yet
You'll find someone wonderful Sophie-who will love you and cherish you :D
you just can't give up



Sopho
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14 May 2007, 12:52 pm

rog161uk wrote:
Sopho,

You seem so negative about the prospect of finding a partner. I assume this is more down to the availability of women as opposed to men. Are there not bars and clubs where you live that cater for your preferences? Would it not be worth trying to strike up even the most rudimentary friendship with the person you're interested with at uni, maybe with a view introducing them to your 'scene' subtly?

Yeah, I live in Manchester; we have an whole area with a street of gay clubs/bars. I also go to the university with the highest amount of gay students in the country. lol But I'm terrible at talking to people and making friends because of my social anxiety. And I rarely go out either, and hate clubs/bars/drinking.
I'm not too bothered about it anymore though. I just wish I'd stop liking people. If I didn't like anyone I'd be happy with being signle forever.



rog161uk
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14 May 2007, 1:00 pm

With respect, it doesn't sound like your not bothered: in fact, your postings suggest you're very bothered with the whole situation. Club/bars etc. aren't the best for everybody, and I'm not sure as to your social scene, but I've found that getting involved with team sports can be quite good -- the social scene is kind of created for you. I play waterpolo myself even though I'm not good at it: tends to mix non-drinking socialising with drinking socialising quite well.

If sports aren't good for you .. are none of the University SU societies any good? Surely there's plenty of female oriented clubs - netball, crafts etc?



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14 May 2007, 1:01 pm

rog161uk wrote:
Sopho,

You seem so negative about the prospect of finding a partner. I assume this is more down to the availability of women as opposed to men. Are there not bars and clubs where you live that cater for your preferences? Would it not be worth trying to strike up even the most rudimentary friendship with the person you're interested with at uni, maybe with a view introducing them to your 'scene' subtly?

You don't need to give the game away until your ready and comfortable.

My problem is not so much one of finding a partner; but more of keeping one: the "flame" seems to be burn out when I'm under alot of stress, particularly work. First relationship lasted 2 years or so; second 1 year, and now I'm counting them in the weeks ... I don't understand it myself. Would appreciate if somebody could explain it to me ...

Roger



You gotta be kidding! Regardless of your preference a BAR is not the place to go if you truly are looking for relationship material person. A definitely not gay bars having been to a few of them myself. Bars are where you go to pick up someone for quick sex who is more likely to carry an STD because they've bedded so many people. Also in gay bars a lot of people get raped in the restrooms. Never go into the restrooms there!! The only other thing going on at bars is drugs. If you are looking for a quality girlfriend or boyfriend you will not find them in the bar. Drunks, druggies and abusers hang out in bars, nice people will not be hanging out there waiting for someone like you to show up.



Sopho
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14 May 2007, 1:04 pm

rog161uk wrote:
With respect, it doesn't sound like your not bothered: in fact, your postings suggest you're very bothered with the whole situation. Club/bars etc. aren't the best for everybody, and I'm not sure as to your social scene, but I've found that getting involved with team sports can be quite good -- the social scene is kind of created for you. I play waterpolo myself even though I'm not good at it: tends to mix non-drinking socialising with drinking socialising quite well.

If sports aren't good for you .. are none of the University SU societies any good? Surely there's plenty of female oriented clubs - netball, crafts etc?

No, I post about it a lot because it bothers me that I like people when I'm not going to be with them. I don't actually want a relationship right now though.



rog161uk
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14 May 2007, 1:09 pm

Quote:
You gotta be kidding! Regardless of your preference a BAR is not the place to go if you truly are looking for relationship material person. A definitely not gay bars having been to a few of them myself. Bars are where you go to pick up someone for quick sex who is more likely to carry an STD because they've bedded so many people. Also in gay bars a lot of people get raped in the restrooms. Never go into the restrooms there!! The only other thing going on at bars is drugs. If you are looking for a quality girlfriend or boyfriend you will not find them in the bar. Drunks, druggies and abusers hang out in bars, nice people will not be hanging out there waiting for someone like you to show up.


I understand your point -- I guess it all depends on what kind of pub or bar we're talking about, also depends on the day of the week, too I guess. Dating manuals suggest that friday's/saturday's are not the best times to go looking for a date -- so perhaps in the week would be better.

Not sure how to respond to the STD and rape problems but they are no reason to lock yourself in your room, pending Mr Right, or Miss Right. Look at it as a statistical problem: you're more likely to meet somebody you like and who likes you if you meet more people, right?

Don't care where you choose to direct your attention: it may be coffee bars, new age conventions, Star Trek conventions whatever ...



rog161uk
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14 May 2007, 1:19 pm

Sopho wrote:
No, I post about it a lot because it bothers me that I like people when I'm not going to be with them. I don't actually want a relationship right now though.

I can understand that.