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queensamaria
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25 Jun 2015, 7:35 pm

Hi, everyone.

I have decided that I'm finished trying to find a boyfriend. After being rejected or shot down long ago, I am going to focus on God, family, friends, and school.

Any comments or objections or do you feel the same way?


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chapstan
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25 Jun 2015, 8:57 pm

QS;

I didn't marry until I was almost 33 years old and some of that was waiting on THE right one given by God. It worked, it was wonderful, then we both made mistakes and it wasn't wonderful and we divorced. Then God still works in you and with you and you continue to make life work.

I think it is good that you can focus on God, family etc. But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sometimes life tricks you that way, you stop looking and someone interesting shows up.

So keep God in the picture and follow His discernment for making life work.



kraftiekortie
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25 Jun 2015, 9:08 pm

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time with finding a satisfactory partner.

Maybe it would be good for you to stop chasing guys. Let the guys do the chasing!



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25 Jun 2015, 9:55 pm

It's your life and your decisions to make. I don't see why our objections would matter unless you want advice on how to not give up.

I might return to the search down the road, but my latest attempts have left me very unhappy and lonely. Maybe someone will wander in while I'm cultivating my writing, my knowledge, and my health... maybe not.



autismthinker21
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26 Jun 2015, 1:28 am

I am sick of chasing girls, But you know, kissing is just a meaningful thing. Makes me more close, like I am able to connect myself.


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goldfish21
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26 Jun 2015, 2:25 am

queensamaria wrote:
Hi, everyone.

I have decided that I'm finished trying to find a boyfriend. After being rejected or shot down long ago, I am going to focus on God, family, friends, and school.

Any comments or objections or do you feel the same way?


Sometimes you find things - or things find you - when you stop looking for them.. so this could actually turn out to be a more successful strategy than seeking a boyfriend ever was.

Also, if I were you I'd focus on yourself more than the other things you've listed. Mental/physical/spiritual health.. spend your time and energy becoming a better you, for you. Be free & happy with yourself and eventually that will become attractive to others and you'll have better luck with finding love - or love finding you.


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darkphantomx1
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26 Jun 2015, 1:52 pm

Yah who needs men? I certainly don't need a man in my life.




Well i'm not gay so thats why...



goldfish21
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26 Jun 2015, 2:06 pm

darkphantomx1 wrote:
Yah who needs men? I certainly don't need a man in my life.




Well i'm not gay so thats why...



:lol: Well, I am gay and I still don't need a man in my life, either.

1.) I can be happy w/o a significant other in my life.

2.) No men; boys only. :P :D


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28 Jun 2015, 10:52 pm

Life can be ironic (and difficult) sometimes.

Many people have tried really hard to accomplish certain things, and fail, yet other people don't seem to try at all, and have things fall in their lap.

My suggestion:

Keep on the lookout for someone new, but don't focus all of your energy on that one thing alone. Go do what you love, in the mean time.



Cockroach96
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29 Jun 2015, 6:50 am

I think that there's no reason to search for love when you are an ASD person. We are not wired to connect.
In fact, I think that romance is overrated and pointless. Most people are obsessed with it. I often see girls on Facebook posting selfies with romantic descriptions. I don't understand what's so great about this love thing.
An Aspie should pursue important and realistic objectives, not love.


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Blue Jay
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29 Jun 2015, 12:22 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
I think that there's no reason to search for love when you are an ASD person. We are not wired to connect.
In fact, I think that romance is overrated and pointless. Most people are obsessed with it. I often see girls on Facebook posting selfies with romantic descriptions. I don't understand what's so great about this love thing.
An Aspie should pursue important and realistic objectives, not love.


What's important is up to the individual to decide, though self-neglect is a possible downside when people buy into the love obsession. Not everyone is alike.



Loveurself
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01 Jul 2015, 10:08 am

Good for you! Women should NOT chase men. Men are the "hunters." When women chase; they get erased ~ (I just made that up). :lol:

ALL guys want someone they think they can't have, which makes me sick. Basically, I think it's best to wait for the right one to come along.



sly279
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01 Jul 2015, 2:35 pm

Loveurself wrote:
Good for you! Women should NOT chase men. Men are the "hunters." When women chase; they get erased ~ (I just made that up). :lol:

ALL guys want someone they think they can't have, which makes me sick. Basically, I think it's best to wait for the right one to come along.

I'd love to be chased by some girl. I'd find that attractive. but I also
like clingy/attached women.



kraftiekortie
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01 Jul 2015, 2:37 pm

I don't agree that people with autism/Asperger's are not "wired" to connect.

There are difficulties in connecting--but many do find connections.



whyimsoquiet
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01 Jul 2015, 2:50 pm

I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to chase guys either.
sometimes it just works out though. i met my husband years ago before i really understood who i was. i met him because i was lonely and posted a personal ad one night. he came across the ad while looking for apartments.
he is NT (and tbh i didn't know i was not NT until recently) i believe we complement each other. he likes to pursue some of his own interests. i like extra time alone at home. he is good in social scenarios. i am detail oriented and good at the nitty gritty stuff like paying bills.
i worry that if i am actually diagnosed with aspergers by the mental health clinic how it will affect us. he tolerates my depression, anxieties, OCD. he sees me as a stronger more capable person than i see myself. i wonder if his love will prove unconditional if faced with this new challenge while at the same time i feel like it will make me a stronger person because i will understand why i do the things i do.
so idk, don't lose hope. it may or may not happen. i thought i was going to live alone with a bunch of cats. never say never.



Loveurself
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02 Jul 2015, 10:00 pm

whyimsoquiet wrote:
I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to chase guys either.
sometimes it just works out though. i met my husband years ago before i really understood who i was. i met him because i was lonely and posted a personal ad one night. he came across the ad while looking for apartments.
he is NT (and tbh i didn't know i was not NT until recently) i believe we complement each other. he likes to pursue some of his own interests. i like extra time alone at home. he is good in social scenarios. i am detail oriented and good at the nitty gritty stuff like paying bills.
i worry that if i am actually diagnosed with aspergers by the mental health clinic how it will affect us. he tolerates my depression, anxieties, OCD. he sees me as a stronger more capable person than i see myself. i wonder if his love will prove unconditional if faced with this new challenge while at the same time i feel like it will make me a stronger person because i will understand why i do the things i do.
so idk, don't lose hope. it may or may not happen. i thought i was going to live alone with a bunch of cats. never say never.


Those are words of inspiration. I'm glad you found someone who loves you just the way you are. :)