Advice for OK Cupid Profiles

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After reviewing an OK Cupid profile for someone, I realized that there might be a few problems with profiles common to all (or most) Aspies due to taking things so literally.

The OK Cupid profile format asks for things like "Favorites" and what you're doing on a "Typical Friday night."

These are NOT literal. I personally think they are bad questions because they can seem literal, and I bet many of you have agonized over *which* thing is ACTUALLY your true favorite.

Consider the "favorite" section to be about things you like. They do not need to be your *favorite* things, but they do need to be things you like that you could talk about or do with someone you would like to date. If you are a guy and you list your *true* favorites, you might be listing things that women have no interest in at all and you can't even talk about them. Instead, focus on the things you like that are conversation starters.

Keeping things general may help. Instead of listing specific books or movies or songs, list authors, actors/actresses, musicians. Instead of listing specific meals, try listing categories of food (ie. Italian or Indian.) These categories give a clue to the person looking at your profile of what kind of date the two of you might go on or things you might enjoy together. It also provides a way to start a conversation. If you say "I like Steinbeck novels" and the person reading your profile also does, then that person can say, "I like Steinbeck, too. Have you read such-and-such?" And, if you have, you can say yes. And if not, you can say, "No, but I have read this other such-and-such."

(Steinbeck is a good example because both men and women like Steinbeck.)

For the "Typical Friday night" question, consider it a hypothetical question. You are not being asked what a *normal* Friday night is like for you when all kinds of things can go wrong and leave you with nothing to do. This is asking what WOULD you do on a Friday night if you could. What kinds of activities do you like? Are you someone who would like to go for a walk? Or go to the opera? Or go bowling? Or stay home and watch a movie and eat popcorn? Or go to a coffee shop and chat and listen to a local musician or head out to an art gallery opening? This question is meant to give a clue to your prospective date what kinds of dates the two of you might enjoy.

Do not say that you do nothing on a Friday night, even if it is currently true. It is probably currently true for everyone on OK Cupid, or otherwise they wouldn't be on the site looking for a date.

So, these two categories are not meant to be taken literally. I hope this advice helps!

Thanks for posting this, lots of good ideas here!

I'm pretty sure my profile is a mess, I'm just basically hoping another ASD person will check it out. Because even if the profile worked with NTs, I'm rejected by them in the chat or the meetup, which is far more painful.

I'd prefer they reject me before they make contact, so I never know about it

More verbal people could probably do quite well with this advice, however.

Interesting - thanks for the advice. I probably would have taken every question literally!

I have gone on a few POF dates now but I can't really say I like anyone all too much. A lot of the girls seem like harsh attention whores to the point where I am ignoring them. I am considering trying OKC.

Cheers!

OKC is the best by far, and they have excellent support for non-binary genders and preferences.

Everyone is messed up in some way; it's all about matching up people who can live with each other's issues. If you can't stand complex emotions at all, it essentially restricts your relationship options to males, trans-males, or psychopaths of any gender

The major issues I've seen in most profiles I've looked at:

1.) The profile says nothing about who the person is, and is just a list of random facts. It's usually difficult to even think of something to message to people who do this, because their profile almost closes off any potential communication.
2.) The profile is overly negative with comments about all the "terrible men/women" on the site
3.) Trying to be funny. A lot of people on OkCupid write their profiles by trying to be funny or sarcastic in every single line. This just comes across as shallow and boring in my opinion - it's not the right medium for that.
4.) The #1 worst thing I see: webcam pictures in poor lighting! I can't believe how many pictures I see that are either webcam photos or bathroom selfies in a dimly lit room. Even if you look like a supermodel, pictures like that will seriously hurt your chances. If you look average, they will completely destroy your chances.
5.) Lack of honesty - if you end up dating someone, they'll find out eventually. No need to reveal anything overly personal, but don't be deceitful.

1) Everybody's profile is, essentially, a list of random facts. Aim to make your list an *interesting* list of random facts.

(Mine include: having lost a day in Düsseldorf and worked at the Lunar and Planetary Institute. The goal is to appeal to peor you have stuff in common with, not a million random people. The LPI reference attracts space nerds. I'm a space nerd).

2) Yes and more yes.

3) I like sarcasm and sarcastic people. Really depends on who you're trying to attract or repel.

4) Yes!

5) Keep in mind that lack of honesty isn't the same as reveal every single personal fact about yourself. If you're a 27 year old virgin, for the love of all that is holy, don't put it in your profile!

The type that I was getting at are the ones that are like "I like to play baseball and have fun. Sometimes I watch Dr. Who. My favorite food is spaghetti. I listen to rock music. Message me if you think we have a lot in common." I find it far more interesting if people actually flesh things out and describe themselves rather than just make a boring list of things that they like. I've seen more than my fair share of profiles that are basically exactly like the example I posted, only with the interests changed.

Sadly, for some people that's pretty good! A lot just write stuff like, "I'm chill and up for anything."

It's still a list of random facts about me. If somebody else loves watching baseball while eating spaghetti, why should they lie?

They shouldn't, but in my opinion they should flesh it out to make it more interesting or give opportunities to start a conversation. That also gives people an insight into your personality that wouldn't be there otherwise.

As an example, you could say: "I've loved baseball ever since I was a child. I make it a point to go to at least 5 games a year, and am a die-hard fan of the Orioles! I can think of no better way to spend a Saturday than watching a game at the stadium, while eating a massive plate of spaghetti (my favorite food!). Even though I love to watch the sport, I'm absolutely terrible at playing it...but that doesn't stop me from trying!"

If you just leave it at "I love baseball and spaghetti", then it sounds identical to the past 500 profiles that the person has already seen, and doesn't have much to really draw them in, even if they also love the same things as you. I know I'm infinitely more likely to message someone if they describe themselves in detail rather than the bare-boned basics.

(By the way, I hate both baseball and spaghetti personally haha)

Another suggestion on the favorites section (and a problem I used to be guilty of): Don't get too comprehensive. It might be tempting to list a lot of- let's say, music that you like, in order to increase the chances that viewers will find some artists that they like too. The problem is that most people don't want to read a long list and will just read the first few lines. As with every part of the profile, you want it to reflect your personality. People are more likely to respond to things like: "The Muppets are a mother-effing national treasure!" or "Taylor Swift's voice makes me swoon every time." You can even turn something unpopular into an attention-catcher with lines like: "Back to the Future III is my favorite in the series and I will fight you to my grave on that!" or "I am an unapologetic Danielle Steele junkie." Even if people don't like the stuff you do, they'll see that you have passion for something and some sense of humor about yourself. [Examples shown may not reflect the writer's actual opinions... except on the Muppets. NATIONAL. TREASURE.]

It's okay on your profile to list some things that are turn-offs, but don't go overboard. Too much negativity can really deter people, and it can often make you sound like you're just a disagreeable curmudgeon altogether.

If you can, find photos of yourself with friends. If you use one such photo as a profile picture make sure it just displays you for that purpose, but when people look at the full view they'll see that you can bond with others and it's generally inviting.

The following are things that I guess people think are charming, but are actually REALLY common and personally peeve me out:

Don't. Just tell people what kinds of things you like to do when you have a free night and no work in the morning, and don't say the above.

Neither witty nor enlightening. It's okay to leave this area blank if you're a very private person. You can also fill it with something pseudo-embarrassing like what I suggested in the first paragraph: "I don't get Inception" or "My Barbie collection isn't finished."

P.S. That Steinbeck advice is a winner. I would definitely want my girlfriend to be a Steinbeck fan.

^^To expand: It's like any interview you go to (job, school admissions etc) when the interviewer will ask behavioral questions to get a feel for who you are. "Tell me about a time when..." sort of questions. He/she would be able to gather more info about you from a story than if you were to list a fact point blank.

Its so hard to find a date! I tried so many sites and cant find anyone to go out on a date with me!

Under "most private thing you'll admit" is where I wrote "lost a day in Düsseldorf"... and the occasional guy messages me to inquire how (had so much fun that my friend and I turned up to fly home the day AFTER our flights... ).

Ta-daaaah!

Best advice: be a girl

How does that help?

So you can wade through lots and lots of stupid messages from guys who could give a crap about your profile, and pretty much all of whom really just want to have sex with you and every other female they can?

And all the nice guys too insecure to even say hi?

No, it's not easy for anyone.