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Dating while geographically unstable

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Stargazer43
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22 Aug 2015, 1:11 pm

My life is currently in a state of transition, and will remain so for the next 2-3 years. My job requires me to move across the country later this year, and then move back to where I am now after 2-3 years in the new location. This has me really concerned about my future from a romantic perspective. I'm turning 30 later this year, and I'll be 32-33 when I return to this area and finally settle down in one place. My main concern is that I have always really wanted to get married and start a family, but I think that this move is going to significantly hinder my goals.

On the one hand, if I meet someone in the new location, my concern is that if things go well, we'll both be faced with a major decision: either she'll have to move across the country with me, or I'll have to essentially give up my career to stay there. Even if we meet the day that I move there and fall madly in love, those are both very big and difficult decisions to make, and 2 years isn't a terribly long time to get involved enough to make them (particularly if we meet say, 1 year after I move there...chances are I won't meet someone immediately upon arrival).

Consequently, I could wait until coming back to this area to start looking. My concern there is that I'll be 33, and that's starting to get up there in age...at 35 the chances of having a child begin to drop quite rapidly. Sure that's mostly for women, but assuming I'm dating someone my age it's just the same for me...I would feel weird dating someone much younger. Also, I know that once you start getting into the 30+ range, more and more people will either be divorced or single parents, and I just don't think that I could handle either situation very well, so that would be a further hindrance to finding someone.

TLDR: My geographic location in life isn't stable, but I really want to find a long-term relationship. Has anyone dealt with this before, or does anyone have advice?



The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Aug 2015, 3:12 pm

Still better than my case: Dating while Geopolitically hellishly unstable :lol:.



PillowSpider
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23 Aug 2015, 12:52 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
My life is currently in a state of transition, and will remain so for the next 2-3 years. My job requires me to move across the country later this year, and then move back to where I am now after 2-3 years in the new location. This has me really concerned about my future from a romantic perspective. I'm turning 30 later this year, and I'll be 32-33 when I return to this area and finally settle down in one place. My main concern is that I have always really wanted to get married and start a family, but I think that this move is going to significantly hinder my goals.

On the one hand, if I meet someone in the new location, my concern is that if things go well, we'll both be faced with a major decision: either she'll have to move across the country with me, or I'll have to essentially give up my career to stay there. Even if we meet the day that I move there and fall madly in love, those are both very big and difficult decisions to make, and 2 years isn't a terribly long time to get involved enough to make them (particularly if we meet say, 1 year after I move there...chances are I won't meet someone immediately upon arrival).

Consequently, I could wait until coming back to this area to start looking. My concern there is that I'll be 33, and that's starting to get up there in age...at 35 the chances of having a child begin to drop quite rapidly. Sure that's mostly for women, but assuming I'm dating someone my age it's just the same for me...I would feel weird dating someone much younger. Also, I know that once you start getting into the 30+ range, more and more people will either be divorced or single parents, and I just don't think that I could handle either situation very well, so that would be a further hindrance to finding someone.

TLDR: My geographic location in life isn't stable, but I really want to find a long-term relationship. Has anyone dealt with this before, or does anyone have advice?


Are you dating someone seriously now? Is there anyone in particular you'd like to date who is interested in you right now? If the answers are no and no, you're putting the cart WAY before the horse.

Go forth and date -- and deal with the geographic uncertainty bridge when you come to it. If and when you do meet a girl you think you'd like to spend the rest of your life with and the feeling's mutual, there are far more options available to you than the ones you've proposed. And, honestly, you don't even know if you will be moving twice in the coming years -- you could get fired, your employer could go belly up or bought out, with all employees transferred to new HQ in Guam.

Definitely do not NOT date just because you *think* you'll be moving cross country twice in the next few years.



cberg
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23 Aug 2015, 5:07 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Still better than my case: Dating while Geopolitically hellishly unstable :lol:.


While I'd say you're the most knowledgeable about this, what I know is that I've never lost more than I've gained from ignoring geographic circumstance. Sure, dating for me is on-again off-again, but that really beats off-constantly. I'm sure I'll be addressing the uncertainty eventually over here, but as long as work and school come first, I rest assured. The main idea in this scenario is to learn and adapt.


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yellowtamarin
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24 Aug 2015, 6:59 pm

PillowSpider wrote:
Go forth and date -- and deal with the geographic uncertainty bridge when you come to it. If and when you do meet a girl you think you'd like to spend the rest of your life with and the feeling's mutual, there are far more options available to you than the ones you've proposed. And, honestly, you don't even know if you will be moving twice in the coming years -- you could get fired, your employer could go belly up or bought out, with all employees transferred to new HQ in Guam.

Yeah, this. Just do what you do, date who you date, see what happens. Plenty of people are happy to change their lives around for someone they love. A friend of mine met a guy on an international flight, they were from opposite sides of the planet. They eventually moved in together and got married. While that sounds like a one-off cute story, it's not that rare for people to meet and fall in love when they least expected it / didn't plan to, and adjusted their lives so they could be together.



mahendar
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25 Aug 2015, 5:08 am

Dating when you are in long distance or geographically unstable means always required some honesty and need some understanding about each other.still its a risky position to continue long distance relationships.



Tarantulaa
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30 Aug 2015, 8:57 am

mahendar wrote:
Dating when you are in long distance or geographically unstable means always required some honesty and need some understanding about each other.still its a risky position to continue long distance relationships.


Honesty and understanding are critical in all relationships - not just those of the geographically unstable.



cberg
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30 Aug 2015, 8:42 pm

Compared to hurtling around a ball of nuclear fusion on a crooked axis with an atmosphere half the proportional thickness of apple peel, is anything emotional really that risky at all?


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