Oh girls have it so much worse....
I am not particularly financially stable, so for me that would not be a real deal-breaker, I mean how can I hold guys I'd date to a higher standard than what I live up to? And hell even if I was doing better for myself...not so sure even then it would be a deal breaker as I am not into traditional gender roles being forced plenty of men get with women who aren't as financially stable as them...so whats so wrong with women getting with guys who arent as financially stable? probably goes back to the idea men are supposed to provide for their wife...back when the workforce was mostly composed of males.
Also its not specifically how much they earn that guys get judged for more than women....its if they are collecting EBT, or on SSI or SSDI disability, or are currently unemployed where it more seems to be the case. Like it seems guys get judged more harshly for financial hardship than women...at least from what I have observed.
I think this is the right attitude, and I agree and I think the opposing mindset where women expect their men to be the money making caretaker, is fueled by oldschool gender roles...which are in my opinion, a total joke.
If I were seeing a women who made had a good job and made a good living and heard me say something similar to "It'd be a deal breaker if you weren't doing so well for yourself" I would hope and even expect her to leave my ass in a heartbeat. That seems completely unfair and in IMO goes against everything a good relationship is built on and I don't see how reversing the "male and female" bits would make any difference, either way I don't think wealth, stability, income...what ever you wanna call it, should be a "deal-breaker" unless of course you're are superficial or shallow
sorrowfairiewhisper
Veteran
Joined: 17 Feb 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 837
Location: United Kingdom Dorset
Girls have it worst yes when it comes to being misdiagnosed with autism or mental health issues.
As for abuse, yes it's more known that women get abused by men, either physically, mentally or sexually.
However their are cases when males are victims of dosmetic abuse too.
Just that it may go unreported or it doesn't get the recognisition so much.
However depending on the situation
male or females can be abusers or males or females are victims.
Luckily I don't get any male attention and as an asexual that doesn't bother me
I do feel sorry for those that are " attractive" and get all the attention because with receiving attention, comes the wrong type of attention sometimes.
I never said their life is automatically easy. I don't know why normal people have to be defended. They're the majority. They have all the power. Plus a lot of them like to denigrate conditions they can't see out of either lack of empathy or pure sadism. Not just AS, but depression as well.
Yes but they will have other problems, it's not like they have it better. Why do you have to sound like they have it better? I think you're the one devaluing their problems now.
Not everyone has it better, but on average they do. That's just a fact. When people have gone through hell you can usually tell. They are usually wiser and more empathetic. The majority don't know what it feels like to go through hell.
And I and others on here never said that. You just claim they do so you can go on the attack.
I am not particularly financially stable, so for me that would not be a real deal-breaker, I mean how can I hold guys I'd date to a higher standard than what I live up to? And hell even if I was doing better for myself...not so sure even then it would be a deal breaker as I am not into traditional gender roles being forced plenty of men get with women who aren't as financially stable as them...so whats so wrong with women getting with guys who arent as financially stable? probably goes back to the idea men are supposed to provide for their wife...back when the workforce was mostly composed of males.
Also its not specifically how much they earn that guys get judged for more than women....its if they are collecting EBT, or on SSI or SSDI disability, or are currently unemployed where it more seems to be the case. Like it seems guys get judged more harshly for financial hardship than women...at least from what I have observed.
I think this is the right attitude, and I agree and I think the opposing mindset where women expect their men to be the money making caretaker, is fueled by oldschool gender roles...which are in my opinion, a total joke.
If I were seeing a women who made had a good job and made a good living and heard me say something similar to "It'd be a deal breaker if you weren't doing so well for yourself" I would hope and even expect her to leave my ass in a heartbeat. That seems completely unfair and in IMO goes against everything a good relationship is built on and I don't see how reversing the "male and female" bits would make any difference, either way I don't think wealth, stability, income...what ever you wanna call it, should be a "deal-breaker" unless of course you're are superficial or shallow
I don't know if it's gender roles or what, but it seems like a lot of women just assume a guy will take advantage of them if he makes less money than her. That is a bigoted assumption to make when you don't even know the person. I think this is the problem with internet dating as well. It's too easy to automatically write people off based on supposed "deal breakers". The internet makes everything impersonal. People are judged based on lists of traits. Their whole personality as a human being isn't taken into account. When people get to know each other in real life they're more likely to overlook such things. Online this isn't the case.
I am not particularly financially stable, so for me that would not be a real deal-breaker, I mean how can I hold guys I'd date to a higher standard than what I live up to? And hell even if I was doing better for myself...not so sure even then it would be a deal breaker as I am not into traditional gender roles being forced plenty of men get with women who aren't as financially stable as them...so whats so wrong with women getting with guys who arent as financially stable? probably goes back to the idea men are supposed to provide for their wife...back when the workforce was mostly composed of males.
Also its not specifically how much they earn that guys get judged for more than women....its if they are collecting EBT, or on SSI or SSDI disability, or are currently unemployed where it more seems to be the case. Like it seems guys get judged more harshly for financial hardship than women...at least from what I have observed.
I think this is the right attitude, and I agree and I think the opposing mindset where women expect their men to be the money making caretaker, is fueled by oldschool gender roles...which are in my opinion, a total joke.
If I were seeing a women who made had a good job and made a good living and heard me say something similar to "It'd be a deal breaker if you weren't doing so well for yourself" I would hope and even expect her to leave my ass in a heartbeat. That seems completely unfair and in IMO goes against everything a good relationship is built on and I don't see how reversing the "male and female" bits would make any difference, either way I don't think wealth, stability, income...what ever you wanna call it, should be a "deal-breaker" unless of course you're are superficial or shallow
I don't know if it's gender roles or what, but it seems like a lot of women just assume a guy will take advantage of them if he makes less money than her. That is a bigoted assumption to make when you don't even know the person. I think this is the problem with internet dating as well. It's too easy to automatically write people off based on supposed "deal breakers". The internet makes everything impersonal. People are judged based on lists of traits. Their whole personality as a human being isn't taken into account. When people get to know each other in real life they're more likely to overlook such things. Online this isn't the case.
I think you make a good point about internet dating that's probably somewhat true. It makes sense that there are probably a lot of guys and girls that jump the gun dismissing someone as a possible partner because they don't make X amount of money, don't work here, doesn't do this or that...what ever the case might be, I bet those people would stand a better chance in person especially if the two of them connect instantly...then maybe they wouldn't be turned away for not being a college graduate, for instance.
I've only used a dating site once in my life after moving to a new area. I did actually have pretty good success with it though. I'm considering it again or at least being open to it on here, as I'm really interested in finally meeting an aspie girl that's compatible with me.
Yes but it's not that if you don't have AS you are normal. And also normal people can have hard times too. Why should we devalue their sufffering just because we have it worse? I don't understand this.
Some people just are/become jerks even if they went through hell. I can see many jerks in this site too.
From the comments of some people it seems they think so. You need to know that in this site some people just hate NTs. The guy I addressed in the beginning, I already saw him once insult a NT just because he is a NTs and imply that he is better because he has AS.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,924
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Dude I recognize AS is a problem but I don't want them to say that one's life is automatically easy if you don't have it. Why are they allowed to devalue other people's problem by saying that? I don't deny anyone's problem, they do.
Yes but they will have other problems, it's not like they have it better. Why do you have to sound like they have it better? I think you're the one devaluing their problems now.
I am ok with it as long as one doesn't say that people without Asperger's automatically have an easy life, which is not true. You see I am ok with people who have problems, what annoys me is when they say that other people don't have problems.
I don't think anyone said people without autism or another condition have it 'easy'...just easier in a lot of ways. But if you think an average healthy neurotypical with no mental/neurological or health problems has it just as hard as say someone with severe depression, or someone with aspergers then probably no convincing you otherwise.
Also a person with both arms does have certain aspects of life 'easier' than someone missing an arm...sure the person with both arms can have difficulties to. But for that person to point out to the person missing an arm 'hey you know my life is hard to' would just be asinine.
When people discuss problems people with conditions run into...they are not suggesting that no one else has problems, just that people without said problem do not struggle in the same way with the same issue...and may have an advantage due to lacking that condition. Sheesh its not rocket science.
_________________
We won't go back.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,924
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
I am not particularly financially stable, so for me that would not be a real deal-breaker, I mean how can I hold guys I'd date to a higher standard than what I live up to? And hell even if I was doing better for myself...not so sure even then it would be a deal breaker as I am not into traditional gender roles being forced plenty of men get with women who aren't as financially stable as them...so whats so wrong with women getting with guys who arent as financially stable? probably goes back to the idea men are supposed to provide for their wife...back when the workforce was mostly composed of males.
Also its not specifically how much they earn that guys get judged for more than women....its if they are collecting EBT, or on SSI or SSDI disability, or are currently unemployed where it more seems to be the case. Like it seems guys get judged more harshly for financial hardship than women...at least from what I have observed.
I think this is the right attitude, and I agree and I think the opposing mindset where women expect their men to be the money making caretaker, is fueled by oldschool gender roles...which are in my opinion, a total joke.
If I were seeing a women who made had a good job and made a good living and heard me say something similar to "It'd be a deal breaker if you weren't doing so well for yourself" I would hope and even expect her to leave my ass in a heartbeat. That seems completely unfair and in IMO goes against everything a good relationship is built on and I don't see how reversing the "male and female" bits would make any difference, either way I don't think wealth, stability, income...what ever you wanna call it, should be a "deal-breaker" unless of course you're are superficial or shallow
I don't know if it's gender roles or what, but it seems like a lot of women just assume a guy will take advantage of them if he makes less money than her. That is a bigoted assumption to make when you don't even know the person. I think this is the problem with internet dating as well. It's too easy to automatically write people off based on supposed "deal breakers". The internet makes everything impersonal. People are judged based on lists of traits. Their whole personality as a human being isn't taken into account. When people get to know each other in real life they're more likely to overlook such things. Online this isn't the case.
The weird thing is some of these women who talk the loudest about that, would have no qualms getting with a guy who makes more to take advantage of him...total and complete hypocrisy.
_________________
We won't go back.
I am not particularly financially stable, so for me that would not be a real deal-breaker, I mean how can I hold guys I'd date to a higher standard than what I live up to? And hell even if I was doing better for myself...not so sure even then it would be a deal breaker as I am not into traditional gender roles being forced plenty of men get with women who aren't as financially stable as them...so whats so wrong with women getting with guys who arent as financially stable? probably goes back to the idea men are supposed to provide for their wife...back when the workforce was mostly composed of males.
Also its not specifically how much they earn that guys get judged for more than women....its if they are collecting EBT, or on SSI or SSDI disability, or are currently unemployed where it more seems to be the case. Like it seems guys get judged more harshly for financial hardship than women...at least from what I have observed.
I think this is the right attitude, and I agree and I think the opposing mindset where women expect their men to be the money making caretaker, is fueled by oldschool gender roles...which are in my opinion, a total joke.
If I were seeing a women who made had a good job and made a good living and heard me say something similar to "It'd be a deal breaker if you weren't doing so well for yourself" I would hope and even expect her to leave my ass in a heartbeat. That seems completely unfair and in IMO goes against everything a good relationship is built on and I don't see how reversing the "male and female" bits would make any difference, either way I don't think wealth, stability, income...what ever you wanna call it, should be a "deal-breaker" unless of course you're are superficial or shallow
I don't know if it's gender roles or what, but it seems like a lot of women just assume a guy will take advantage of them if he makes less money than her. That is a bigoted assumption to make when you don't even know the person. I think this is the problem with internet dating as well. It's too easy to automatically write people off based on supposed "deal breakers". The internet makes everything impersonal. People are judged based on lists of traits. Their whole personality as a human being isn't taken into account. When people get to know each other in real life they're more likely to overlook such things. Online this isn't the case.
The weird thing is some of these women who talk the loudest about that, would have no qualms getting with a guy who makes more to take advantage of him...total and complete hypocrisy.
Can you cite an example or two? Because I can't see how, exactly, a financially stable girl could "take advantage" of a well-off guy without his consent? Or with the genders reversed either.
Post-college, about half the guys I've dated have made less than me and the other half have made more. Nobody took advantage of anybody, so far as I can tell.
When I was the one that made more, I occasionally splurged on something fun (a weekend away, orchestra seats) for both of us and when I made less, the guy occasionally picked up the tab for an expensive treat. I don't think the occasional treat I picked up impacted those relationships (though I can't know for sure) but do know that the occasional thing I got treated *to* didn't really change anything. Sure, it was fun to get taken to, like, a super-swanky restaurant but it's probably have been just as fun to go to a local dive.
Surely the way to avoid FEELING financially taken advantage of by a partner that makes less than you is to not splash out on expensive dates/objects for your partner. If they like YOU for YOU, the person will be happy to enjoy your company at a dive bar, free concert or whatnot.
(When I was in grad school and my BFF was an undergrad, our mutual close friend E had a super-well paying computer-y job and didn't let either of us pay for so much as a diet coke... without expecting anything in return. A couple of years later, when BFF and I had graduated and we're making good money, neither of us let E pay for so much as a diet coke when he went back to school for his MBA and was broke, and expected nothing in return from him. My baby sis is in med school, so I treat her pretty much all the time when we go out. Because I remember what it's like to be a student with $3 in your checking account on the 25th of the month. Because I'm grateful that as a grownup I can buy her a $16 lunch without having to do math in my head to see if I can afford it).
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,924
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
I am not particularly financially stable, so for me that would not be a real deal-breaker, I mean how can I hold guys I'd date to a higher standard than what I live up to? And hell even if I was doing better for myself...not so sure even then it would be a deal breaker as I am not into traditional gender roles being forced plenty of men get with women who aren't as financially stable as them...so whats so wrong with women getting with guys who arent as financially stable? probably goes back to the idea men are supposed to provide for their wife...back when the workforce was mostly composed of males.
Also its not specifically how much they earn that guys get judged for more than women....its if they are collecting EBT, or on SSI or SSDI disability, or are currently unemployed where it more seems to be the case. Like it seems guys get judged more harshly for financial hardship than women...at least from what I have observed.
I think this is the right attitude, and I agree and I think the opposing mindset where women expect their men to be the money making caretaker, is fueled by oldschool gender roles...which are in my opinion, a total joke.
If I were seeing a women who made had a good job and made a good living and heard me say something similar to "It'd be a deal breaker if you weren't doing so well for yourself" I would hope and even expect her to leave my ass in a heartbeat. That seems completely unfair and in IMO goes against everything a good relationship is built on and I don't see how reversing the "male and female" bits would make any difference, either way I don't think wealth, stability, income...what ever you wanna call it, should be a "deal-breaker" unless of course you're are superficial or shallow
I don't know if it's gender roles or what, but it seems like a lot of women just assume a guy will take advantage of them if he makes less money than her. That is a bigoted assumption to make when you don't even know the person. I think this is the problem with internet dating as well. It's too easy to automatically write people off based on supposed "deal breakers". The internet makes everything impersonal. People are judged based on lists of traits. Their whole personality as a human being isn't taken into account. When people get to know each other in real life they're more likely to overlook such things. Online this isn't the case.
The weird thing is some of these women who talk the loudest about that, would have no qualms getting with a guy who makes more to take advantage of him...total and complete hypocrisy.
Can you cite an example or two? Because I can't see how, exactly, a financially stable girl could "take advantage" of a well-off guy without his consent? Or with the genders reversed either.
Post-college, about half the guys I've dated have made less than me and the other half have made more. Nobody took advantage of anybody, so far as I can tell.
When I was the one that made more, I occasionally splurged on something fun (a weekend away, orchestra seats) for both of us and when I made less, the guy occasionally picked up the tab for an expensive treat. I don't think the occasional treat I picked up impacted those relationships (though I can't know for sure) but do know that the occasional thing I got treated *to* didn't really change anything. Sure, it was fun to get taken to, like, a super-swanky restaurant but it's probably have been just as fun to go to a local dive.
Surely the way to avoid FEELING financially taken advantage of by a partner that makes less than you is to not splash out on expensive dates/objects for your partner. If they like YOU for YOU, the person will be happy to enjoy your company at a dive bar, free concert or whatnot.
(When I was in grad school and my BFF was an undergrad, our mutual close friend E had a super-well paying computer-y job and didn't let either of us pay for so much as a diet coke... without expecting anything in return. A couple of years later, when BFF and I had graduated and we're making good money, neither of us let E pay for so much as a diet coke when he went back to school for his MBA and was broke, and expected nothing in return from him. My baby sis is in med school, so I treat her pretty much all the time when we go out. Because I remember what it's like to be a student with $3 in your checking account on the 25th of the month. Because I'm grateful that as a grownup I can buy her a $16 lunch without having to do math in my head to see if I can afford it).
I guess my point is it just seems some females think...its ok for them to seek out someone who makes a lot more, to entirely depend on, but would not tolerate that kind of thing from a male....so just seems hypocritical. I don't think all women think like that but plenty do.
_________________
We won't go back.
There's nothing hypocritical about demanding unequal conditions for a relationship. It's a deal: take it or leave it. The one in a stronger position can naturally get the more advantageous side of the deal. Such is life and it'll always be. Better get used to it.
_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
Also a person with both arms does have certain aspects of life 'easier' than someone missing an arm...sure the person with both arms can have difficulties to. But for that person to point out to the person missing an arm 'hey you know my life is hard to' would just be asinine.
When people discuss problems people with conditions run into...they are not suggesting that no one else has problems, just that people without said problem do not struggle in the same way with the same issue...and may have an advantage due to lacking that condition. Sheesh its not rocket science.
Too bad the similitude is not so correct, I did an Aspie quiz and it says I don't have AS but I don't really think I could interpret "the person with both arms".
Btw it just seemed to me that they implied that for people without AS it is easy. I'm sorry if I misinterpreted and someone got offended and I apologise.
You confuse two things, being hypocritical and wanting something you are allowed to want. While they surely are entitled to want an unequal relationship and none has the right to impose them to accept anything less, it doesn't mean that their behaviour isn't hypocritical.
Also if he/she clearly says he/she wants an unequal relationship, you can't even label them as hypocritical. In that case they'd just be jerks.
The weird thing is some of these women who talk the loudest about that, would have no qualms getting with a guy who makes more to take advantage of him...total and complete hypocrisy.
true, true, they feel entitled to men's possessions for being born female. society reinforces this.
Exploiting the law of supply and demand when it works in your favor isn't entitlement. If anything, it's cleverness. Why settle for someone who makes less when you can have a partner who makes more, no matter how much or how little you make?
_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.
To each his own I guess but IMO it's a pretty shallow move. I personally would never let a women use me like that I don't care how hot she is. If I used a women for her money people would think I was a total POS.
For a guy it can be hard to get sex, and therefore guys will complain about that. For a female, getting sex usually isn't difficult, but getting emotional commitment from a guy can be. So females naturally don't value sex in and by itself so much. The will always wants what it doesn't have.
For a guy never to have sex in his life, would be a tragedy for that individual.
For a female never to have been loved in her life, would be a tragedy for that individual.
Such is the dictate of nature.
_________________
The learned man whose lore is deep
Is seldom happy at heart
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