How do I approach girls?

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Yeah, even though I can pick up the signals, it's still a bit of a hassle and some returned effort from women would do us all a favor.

I think most aspies here don't like to deal with 'game-players' and types like that. Put it simple if you're a female and you really are genuinely attracted to someone, why make them think you're not?

I've heard the 'hard to get' thing is to try and get the other person to 'prove' how dedicated they are and such. bullshøt. That's what I mean, why would someone have to 'prove' themselves to you if you apparently are attracted to them already? You mustn't have truly felt that way about them then. If you love someone you usally love them for who they are.

I instantly reject females who try to play games. This one girl asked me out, I said yes, and when we were discussing the date, she asked me if she could bring her BOYFRIEND along with her. Now, I knew this wasn't true because her profile said she was single, and in real life one of her good friends said she only just broke up with her ex not too long ago. He also mentioned he believes she only sees me as a friend and 'it's a rough time for her' and she needs some support and all, I agreed with him but we were both surprised when she asked me out.

Anyway, she was probably expecting me to say, "Oh, but I thought I was going to be your boyfriend" or such stuff, but no, I cancelled the date then and there. I was not going to be played with and not going to be a rebound guy. I knew it was a good idea to reject her and a couple months later that proved true, because she liked my friend and long story short proved she was a fricken crazy b•†çh.

"its such BS... this is why when I am with a girl I can talk forever about nearly any academic topic at length and in detail for ever, but its defense, anything to avoid the conversation turning to me. because the question are always the same, and they are killers."

I can also have deep and meaningful conversation but when it all comes back to these artificial dating conventions it just screws you over. This is why I would think it would be best to seek out a unique or non-conformist female but like it's been said, numbers are low and you could even say that demand is high. What do you mean when you say 'because the question are always the same, and they are killers'? Do you mean the whole "what is your income?", and other stereotypical dating conventions that only ruin your chances (not a six figure income? Red flag!! !) due to a55hºles who can't think for themselves and play it by the book?

"what do you mean when you say 'because the question are always the same, and they are killers'? Do you mean the whole "what is your income?", and other stereotypical dating conventions that only ruin your chances (not a six figure income? Red flag!! !) "


well not just that, though there are just not enough six figure jobs around anyway and capitalistic wants to spend as little on employees as humanly possible. but that aside, the one I get that's killer is "do you have a girlfriend?" normally this would be so bad, but if you answer truthfully and say 'no' the follow up is always. "have you HAD a girlfriend?" which legitly I have not. and you can't lie on something lie that so you have to tell the truth, and even if their ARE attracted to you, once the learn you've never had a girlfriend, they assume you must be a serial killer or something and drop all interest. and here's the thing that pisses me off, tons of people have a hard time buying that I don't have a girlfriend becasue I apparently look real good. (I cannot confirm or deny since that is subjective) but they think I have no excuse to not have a girlfriend already and that girls should be "chasing me down" and I just wonder. "have we been living int he same century or dimension? where and when the f**k does that even happen? do you even know how girls are? cause they're not that." but then again, these people are usually baby boomers, or foreigners who tell me this, and usually women, so chances are they have never had to contend with dating other women.

There are plenty of girl who do not play games, including me. If I'm interested, I'll accept the invitation or return the message. If I'm not, I won't.



I've also never been asked (or straight-up asked) the how much to you make question. I ask what a guy does because I'm interested in how he spends 40+ hours per week and assume he inquired about my professional life for the same reason.

Also, "well, I work as an accountant and it is sort of boring but affords me the time to spend a ton of time on [some hobby]" or "I worked in the oil industry until I was aid off three months ago, so am networking like crazy at the moment" are perfectly acceptable answers from guys. Most women do not eliminate men as dating prospects simply for not having the coolest job, or being temporarily between jobs.



Refusing to talk about yourself would, I think, make you look shady as all get out. And declining to talk about anything but academic topics (thereby eliminating convos about what you did last weekend, whether you liked "Everest", why you had to turn CNN off because yelling at Trump on the TV was distressing to your pets, etc) would, I think, mean that you ran out of things to talk about with any girl who didn't share your likely narrow academic interests.

Refusing to talk about yourself would, I think, make you look shady as all get out. And declining to talk about anything but academic topics (thereby eliminating convos about what you did last weekend, whether you liked "Everest", why you had to turn CNN off because yelling at Trump on the TV was distressing to your pets, etc) would, I think, mean that you ran out of things to talk about with any girl who didn't share your likely narrow academic interests.[/quote]

in my defense, the questions that are killers and typically about my past dating life and if I have a present girlfriend (which is legit I guess) but its the one grilling you on if you ever had any PRIOR girlfriends, which I have not,a nd the follow up always is "what not?" and I can't answer that, because on paper I am apperently pretty decent, but I don't have a track record to back it up. so its too complicated and depressing to explain. hence why i try to avoid that topic, but it inevitably crops up without fail

"(thereby eliminating convos about what you did last weekend, whether you liked "Everest", why you had to turn CNN off because yelling at Trump on the TV was distressing to your pets, etc)"

actually those are the are the other topics i talk about, I only listed academic as a general example, but it is in no way exclusive. I can talk about nearly anything in depth so long as there is depth to be had (for example, trying to talk about lady gaga would bore me to death. but talking about the ethos of the american people and the popularity of bernie and trump, would be interesting) its being forced to talk about my abysmal dating life that I don't want to bring up but am forced to. and there are no simple answers, so its hard to simply dismiss, and if try to anyway, they assume you are simply gay, which has happened more times then I can count (just because i cook my own food and am damn good at it just means I like cooking, it does not mean I am gay, that is not how that works...) but yeah, you'd be amazed how often not having a GF in your past leads everyone to write you off as gay...

Wrongplanet didn't post my message.

Okay, to DitavonTeeth:

What I meant is, it's the dating questions that do affect us negatively, due to people who want to make dating about dating, that actually do use the questions to judge us.

Thanks to dating magazines and dating culture and such, answers to dating questions might be misinterpreated and used against us.

Eg. He is unemployed but says he is looking? Sister, he is BAD news. Red flag! He's never had a girlfriend? Red flag! He has no friends but says he is 'looking' (a very possible scenario for an aspie seeking both relationships and friendships at the same time) Red flag!

While I understand dating is, well, dating, I prefer to meet potential love interests through ways unrelated to dating.

What you're saying is actually what I mean.

It seems people CAN'T connect due to shared interests, enjoyable conversations, etc.

Instead things have to be unnatural and artificial.

The movie 'Before Sunset' is a good example of what is ideal to my eyes - in the movie a man and woman fall in love through deep, meaningful conversations, shared attraction, and some flirting and increasingly intimate talk.

Dating culture means you are judged not for who you are, but WHAT you are. (Jobless vs. Employed, instead of being a hardworking and dedicated person in general, regardless of your employment status, Has dated before vs. Dateless, instead of being a good person in general who would make a great partner, Social life of party guy vs. Shyer, quieter person, instead of being a good and friendly person in general, etc.).

"Refusing to talk about yourself would, I think, make you look shady as all get out. And declining to talk about anything but academic topics (thereby eliminating convos about what you did last weekend, whether you liked "Everest", why you had to turn CNN off because yelling at Trump on the TV was distressing to your pets, etc) would, I think, mean that you ran out of things to talk about with any girl who didn't share your likely narrow academic interests."

Unfortunately, unlike SwissPagan I am far less capable of this. I simply value deep conversation and meaningful conversation over trivial or small talk. I can do the whole semi-fake politeness thing, though when it comes to friends/relationships I prefer not to hide my disinterest and would rather not talk about these things.

I CAN expand on conversations in great depth like SwissPagan for a variety of things. For example me and my best friend do it all the time, we might ask a simple question like 'how do you make friends?" and go into great deep, philosophical detail on it.

I will be honest in saying, even though me and SwissPagan have been complaining of traditional dating rules, this is something that I look at positively. I really don't enjoy conversation based on pop culture or current events, etc. so maybe it would actually make it easier for me to 'weed-out' people and narrow things down, so I look at it more beneficially.

I don't expect someone to be deep conversationist all the time, and it would be hypocritical of me to judge someone incapable of doing so because I am also not always capable of it 24/7. But I will be fully honest in saying someone who wants to talk about movies, current events, tv, celebrities, etc. so much is un-appealing to me.

Even with my passions/hobbies (writing, music, acting) I'd prefer to go in depth - e.g., instead of talking about what genres/artists we listen to and what your favorite pop song is, I'd rather talk with a fellow musician about the aspects of music and what makes a song a song - pitches, patterns, harmony, instruments, frequencies, etc.

I find your examples amusing. I saw the trailer for Everest, and know Trump is wanting to be U.S prez - I gave neither a second thought, and do so with everything else in that 'category'. Those topics would simply bore me.

So, is it not that unusual of me to, like most aspies, despise small talk? Typing this post up has made me actually want to ask for advice on what to do, is it hopeless for me to get out of this 'deep conversation loving' mindset? I just don't want to like trivial topics. Bleh.