A tip for women who want to know who are their admirers.

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Ah, yes, in other words... what about teh womynz???!!1!

Get real, women don't have to sit back if they don't want to. They can be active. It's only us men that are bound by our so-called "gender role" in that regard (and in most others as well).

Why does everybody seem to agree wanting sex makes you a jerk?

It's not wanting sex that makes us a social pariah, it's the fact want it but can't get it, at least not through socially acceptable means, i.e. not being able to """game""" women into giving it to us.

It's not. Asking somebody out has no relevance. I don't ask people out.



Dead serious. If I like somebody a lot I'm dead serious about them, and highly obsessive. I don't need to know anything about them, not even their name, in order to be dead serious.



Not for me. People that cannot handle being serious before talking and getting to know each others will be instantly out if they show interest in somebody else. I won't devise a fake FB account for it, but I certainly enjoy the idea of it.



I'm not interested in people that go by looks, smartness or any other such superficial trait. That's a complete deal-breaker. I'm only interested in people that can love me unconditionally.

Well, I thought the answer was going to be a big fat 0, but there's 1. Woo hooo! We did go out for a coffee, but then he stopped messaging. It was me who initiated the last chat. I don't really chat with people on facebook and neither do most of the people I know, well, not with me anyway.

Most of my facebook conversations were initiated by me to organise something with the recipient, not for chatting purposes.

Actually, just realised that's not true. I did try and have message conversations with someone I was interested in, but he never initiated any conversations with me, so I gave up.

How has that hardline approach to dating worked out for you? Do you find a lot of women who share your view of dating? Doesn't it scare otherwise interested potential dates away? ie the "I've never met you but you must 100% commit to me right now).



Wow. That is scary. And Pygmalion-like. You don't know enough (or anything at all) about the person and yet fall for whatever characteristics that you choose to project into them. You may as well decide you're in love with a lampshade.



Whatever works for you, I guess. For me, chemistry matters. "Clicking" with a guy is a combination of smarts + looks + sense of humor + [something indefinable]. There are some people you just click with, some you don't (this goes for friends too, not just romantic relationships)... and being a good fit on paper (or online) is so different than IRL. If that makes me superficial, so be it. It pretty much makes me human.

There is no point in discussing, he is not able to put himself in other people's shoes, as I already told him in other occasions. Look at his responses:
"I don't ask people out." "If I like somebody..." "Not for me." "I'm not interested in people..."
He expects other people to behave and feel exactly like he does, and if they don't they must be perverts or superficial jerks. Most people would want to know a person before committing to them, and it doesn't make them superficial or perverts.

I believe we were talking about people who fake a romantic interest in order to get laid. Did you have another impression?

You're 54 years old, you are from the dinosaur era - you are from a totally different generation.

Things have changed fast, especially among the 30s old generation who may have noticed changes from a decade till now, and that's why I am telling DitavonTeeth that these things will probably never happen to her again (a guy picking up the phone and asking her out directly).

What was acceptable and considered as courting in the past, is now may be considered as creepy or inappropriate, like that turkish guy who started a thread asking if it's ok to send a love letter to show interest, and all young people advised against doing this unless he's her bf already.

Guys these days, are well....less courageous, more anxious, less confident, more worrying about being viewed as creepy - there are many factors to this:

- Women are being increasingly being vocal about creeps and hence many guys are afraid to be lumped with those.
- Hidden messages seen in the media/series/movies, about how guys are easily "creepy-zoned"
- People in general are becoming more paranoid about others.
- Economy, decrease of financial independence, all this is causing a blow to guys' confidence and self-esteem.
- Social media and smartphones.
- Being lengthily helicopter parented.
- Absence of father figure in many cases.


Guys of today, are not like you, kraftie and the men of your age.


This is a satirical video, but it holds some truth:

Wow. That's kind of scary. And Pygmalion-like, in that you're not having feelings for an actual person but rather for your projection of what you want that person to be. You may as well decide you're in love with a geranium.




Does this actually work for you? Do you get many dates? Are there plenty of women out there who are happy to make an exclusive commitment to a guy they've never met IRL, whose name they don't know, who has preconceived (and likely unrelated to reality) ideas of who they ought to be?



Chemistry matters. "Clicking" with a person matters and is a combination of looks + personality + smarts + humor + [something indefinable]. I've found there's such a huge difference between having stuff in common in paper and getting along IRL. Some people are fingernails on a chalkboard, even if they are, objectively, a smart, well-spoken and reasonably attractive man. If you think that makes me superficial, so be it. I think that "clicking" is one of the things that fundamentally makes me human.

Well, what can I say, in that case...I give up, you're a hopeless case on FB like me.

A dark Lindt would be good for you.

Ms. Ka....I mean... Ms. DitavonTeeth, there's no use to reason with rdos.

He is a superior specimen of asexual humanoid, we mere homo sapiens simply are primitive compared to his species, we simply can't get on his wavelength.

So just give up, yes...give up.

You are the one that fails to put yourself in somebody elses shoes. You are unable to imagine that relationships could form without dating. You cannot see how asexual people are not in need of "being converted to sexual people". You cannot imagine bonding without sex. You cannot imagine obsessing about a crush as a powerful way of forming a strong LTR. And so on.

How do you know that? Do you mean I should have feelings for their status and income? Maybe for how good they are in bed? Even for their physical attributes?



If it works? Of course it does. I got as many "dates" as I needed, and I'm married. How else would you define success than getting into an LTR?

BTW, I never had a "date" by using online channels. I always want to meet them IRL first, but without talking and dating.



Agreed. Or rather, neurocompatibility matters.



No, it's a combination of persistence, creativity, tolerance, protectivity and knowing how to play the neurodiverse courtship game.

And here you are so wrong! I never criticized your approach to relationships, you criticized other approaches! Actually the only few things I had that looked a bit like romantic relationships didn't come from dating!
I never tried to convert asexual people, you are the one who goes around telling sexual people that sex is pointless unless it's for procreating, failing to understand that it's not so for them and you were only spared this because nature made you an asexual. Actually I wish I were an asexual too, so I wouldn't feel the need for something that I don't have in any case. It's not my fault if nature made me a stallion.

Last edited by Peacesells on 28 Sep 2015, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You know what? I know a couple of women around 30 that are from the dinosaur era too.

It's possible (even highly likely) that cultural dating-scripts have changed a lot since I was young, but the neurodiverse courtship never changes. It works just as well between NDs today as it did when I was young. That's because it is not based on cultural scripts but inherited preferences.

Well, I have to. Newbies come here all the time being indoctrinated by the usual dating scripts. What else do you expect me to do other than present alternatives? It's not like there is nobody supporting the usual dating scripts here either, so I don't need to take that role.



I'm well aware of the function of sex as bonding in typical people, but there are many defenders of this here. Again, I play the "devils advocate" and present alternatives to bonding with sex, which clearly exists but are poorly known.



I'm not asexual in the typical sense of the word. I have a normal sex drive, but it isn't geared towards sexual intercourse. That's an additional issue that people need to know. People can find sexual intercourse disgusting and still have a normal sex drive.