My Crush/infatuation/Experience

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I don't know if anyone talked about an infatuation or a crush they met of had in the past (or even in the present). I'm sure there are a few of you who might be able to relate to this situation in some extent. I'll try to be short and to the point as possible as I talk about my experience. I don't know what kind of experience this was for me. I sometimes call it a infatuation, a crush or some sort of period.

Back in the beginning of the Fall semester of 1996 I met this girl in a Sociology class that we were taking. I started a conversation with this girl while showing her where the college library was. She was a transfer student from another college and this was her first day taking classes over at my college. After this conversation I really felt good. I was proud of myself, I felt she respected me, was nice to me, the talk we had was good and I liked her. We had many conversations between classes during that semester. I found out more about her and she found out more about me. She understood that I had problems (back then I never even heard of AS) and still continued to respect me. She had some issues too. She did have a boyfriend who was eight years older than her, he was a bodybuilder and she lived with him for about a year. This made things a little difficult for me because I started to get closer to her and it was hard to break my feelings. These feelings that I had for her caused other feelings and thoughts. I was very obessed with her, I thought about her a lot, I was eager to see her and I looked forward to talking her. I also was afraid that she would find out how I felt about her and at the same time as eager as I was to see her, I didn't want to see her. I was a wreck during this semester. At this point I started evaluating myself and became very depressed. I was a bit suicidal too, although I never tried anything. She never knew that I liked her, I even use to tell her that I was concerned of knowing her too closely because of her boyfriend. The end of the semester comes. She tries to get into another Sociology class that I registered for but cannot get in. Then she says she wants to call me or maybe hang out during the intersession. I was like ok. During the intersession I was a barrel of nerves and insanity. I was waiting for her call. I was afraid to call her or contact her. I had her telephone number and she had mine. She never called. When the next semester started we did meet again but it was difficult because our schedules were a bit different and sometimes when we were suppose to meet she never showed up. During the middle of this new semester I discover that she's transferring to another college. I was crushed. Towards the end of the semester, during finals, we spent a whole day together. We had lunch, we met a couple of times, we exchanged addresses and we hugged. It was very sad. I didn't cry or anything like that but I felt bad. She did write me twice. When I got internet access I did manage to e-mail her a couple of times and she did respond. Then I got my own computer and we Imed each other on AOL messenger a couple of times but that stopped because everytime I would IM her computer would freeze. The last time I heard from her was a little over three years ago. She's in California, she's getting her master's degree in Occupational Therapy and she has another live-in boyfriend. I haven't heard from her since.

It took me a few years to totally get over this shaky period that I had because of my crush (or whatever you want to call it) with her. Even during the other semesters after the situation I tried repeating it with other female students that I got to know but nothing ever happened or nothing similar to what happened to this girl occured.

Does anyone have any further questions about this or comments about his? I would like to hear feedback. I don't mind answering questions.

I hope this wasn't longwinded. I tried to be brief as possible.

well, i can relate to a lot of stuff you wrote. not as if i had things happening to me that were very similar, but the way you wrote about your feelings and reactions, how long it took you to digest etcetera...

do you feel that its easy to find someone great who just takes time to listen to one in a respectful manner? i dont know... it probably is because i tend to walk around with a huge wall of dont-come-near-me around myself (or so i am told... i myself dont notice it), so a lot of people wont come near me... and i am happy for everyone who just doesnt care and has a nice talk with me. what you wrote about the beginning of your crush sounds a lot like what i know from myself. same way over at you?

it doesnt wonder me in the least, too, that it took you some time to come to terms with it... as you described, the whole affair was very "unfinished" from your side - and i bet you asked yourself a thousand times a day (aspies can take things like that literally... -_-°) what if this, what if that... i found that clear statements helped to cut digestion time by a good degree. but to have the guts and ask when its something serious... *sweats*

hey, Redrocket!

I was a girl, then an adolescent then through college and then a woman! So I have met men like you quite a few times. They were nice and comfortable and intelligent and it SEEMED like they liked me, but, you know, they never told me they liked me, they never told me they thought about me and wanted me to hang out with them and be their girl.

Hey, when you are interested in a girl and they say they have a boyfriend and you never see nor meet that boyfriend, they usually don't have a boyfriend, they are just saying they do so if you finally gear up to ask them out they can remind you of their boyfriend.

When you got to the part where her computer 'freezes up' every time you try to PM I am so sorry but I had to chuckle, though I know you did not find it funny one bit! My computer 'freezes' or back in the day when it was dial up, it was 'someone calling in on the modem line' or "Yahoo booted me" or what ever when it became way too awkward.

If you have a minute, right on the home page of WP, Alex has an article about how serotonin plays a part in infatuation/limerence and our object of interest becomes simply a target for our obsessive/compulsive disorder. I have followed that particular rabbit down the rabbit hole more than a few times and I want to say, I have experienced insanity trying to figure out relationships with NTs. I can't see that having a relationship with an Aspie would be any easier.


Merle

Definitely, definitely can relate to this. The way I look at it, when you become infatuated with someone, you actually create an idealised version of them in your head, and that's who you dream about. The hurt always comes from the realisation that there's a huge gulf between the real and the imaginary.

Thank-you for telling your story. That's how I deal with my own experiences; I tell myself at least it makes for a good story.

The last woman I was infatuated with lives on the other side of the world, but she has the same name as the city I live in, so everywhere I go I'm reminded of her.

you had a girlfriend named Hobart??


Merle

I do what Davey does in limerence.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

I create a fabulous character to go with the physical. Because I don't know that person. And I don't make those mental models. If I have to choose something, and it seems we do have to choose something to represent a person, I get to pick out the good stuff.

Then I wonder why I am so disappointed. Duh. I created a fictional character from a real human being. "John Q. Public IS Superman!" Except nobody told John Q. Public and he isn't Superman at all. Sometimes Superman, my hero, swoon, turns out to be a dirt bag.

I don't think I ever lied and said I had a boyfriend when I didn't. Although I will remember that.

When a guy comes on too strong, too soon, that's a good time for the "I have a boyfriend" thing. Because it's likely that the guy comes on that strong to everyone. Following the salesman technique of asking everyone, and each "no" brings one closer to the inevitable "yes".

On the computer crashing thing. It DID happen to me. I did have a friend who would IM me and my computer WOULD lock up. It did. That is NOT a lie. And it also would freeze at midnight, for a short period. Very annoying. That was the older computer that died. But I'm still on dial-up, and it still makes for a risky experience to chat while loading a page. I cannot chat, because the page is hogging all the modem or something.

I suppose we have to make our feelings known, as no one has perfected mind reading yet. Not even NTs. Unfortunately I think I am still frozen at the "Do you like me? Or do you LIKE ME like me?" I'm not sure what the mature adult version is of that, but if anyone knows, post it.

Honesty is really nice. So it would be good to voice your feelings. And if your hopes and dreams are dashed upon the rocky shores of life and reality, that's okay. why? Because you can then get on with your life, without wondering. Endlessly wondering 'what if'.

If you take a look at those rocks on the rocky shores of life and reality, you'll see all of us. Picking ourselves up, heading off to try to heal. Because almost no one makes it through this life without heartache and heartbreak.

Read some poetry, you'll see all kinds of heartache and heartbreak. It's been going on since the beginning of time. Only those brave souls who risk those rocks are likely to find that when they make the big leap and are honest with their feelings, that the other person feels that way too. And they fly off together, never landing in the sea.

I'm hoping that's the last name.

LOL. At first I read that as "limerick."

There was a young man from Auckland city,
Who thought a girl awfully pretty.
Though he's not quite all there,
So he'll never see her bare,
Thus life goes on oh so sh***y.

1. She wasn't my girlfriend. That's kinda the whole point of this thread.

2. What makes you think I'm from Hobart?

3. Yes, it was her surname. Emphasis on the was, I think she's married now.

I was glad to see that many of you were able to relate to my situation in one way or another. It was a very interesting time for me during the end of 1996 and most of 1997. I also did a lot of What If this, What if That, why?... I ask those questions to myself over and over. Even today I ask those questions. It's an experience that probably won't ever leave my mind completely. Even though in 2007 I'm not in the state that I was, I still think and ponder about it quite a bit.

A few of you talked about her computer freezing up when we talked on AOL messenger. The reason that happened was because she had an old computer with a dial up connection. I knew about this before I talked to her on AOL messenger. There were times that we were able to have conversations on AOL messenger but other times it was a problem.

Thanks for your comments and support with this.

Apparently, Merle has ESP.

More proof than I've seen from those who
claim it.