Worst decision - okcupid

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I was thinking more of "pathetic".

A male on dating site has really no options.

Even few WP ladies who found their husbands on dating sites admitted they were the only ones who said yes to them - and so the men jumped at this rare opportunity.

That's.....not a right foundation - these men didn't pick their wives by real choice - such as "oh, among all my options of women, this is one I love because x..y...and z.. he picked her because she happened to be the only one in life who who accepted him.

Didn't expect this many replies, so thank you and it is a relief to hear someone else has had the same experience.

I only sent one few message to a couple of girls as I don't want to see overtly creepy, just a typical 'Hello, how're you?', I didn't want to send another message as it had been some time with them and I don't want to end up on a subreddit somewhere, don't want to be pushy as I wouldn't like that myself, plus I felt extremely discouraged.

Does anyone know of any Asperger's websites?

There's not many activities around in my town as it is a small sea town, I have been thinking of joining a gym, but my anxiety can be extremely crippling, don't even know how I worked up courage to send a random woman a message.

Thank you again.

That's probably the main reason you haven't been receiving any replies. Messages like that don't open themselves to further conversation.

This worked for me for the ones who found me attractive - and it's a more sure way that she finds me attractive than the one who replies to someone I asked about her profile, because the latter might just be replying to question without real interest in me.

And this how conversations start in real life, not with essays which sound like cover letters, this is ridiculous.

Perhaps this is true, but a lot of those men made an initial choice to send the message to her in the first place.
I know that i do so, i won't message any woman i see on such a site, but only the ones i would at least consider dating, so even though a girl might be "the first/only one to respond", that still isn't a matter of settling, since i didn't give just anyone a chance to respond.

Now, if i were messaged first, this story differs a bit, but how often does that happen...

Let us see your profile, pm me if you want to keep it private. I can advise in detail

But if you combine this with the "message at least 100 girls" ....

Your only mistake is joining that site in the first place. Trust me, I was there a long time and even though I tweaked my profile to near perfection, I would only get less than 10% response rate (and it was usually an indirect dismissal). I never once got a second date with the exception of my crazy ex. Of course, they were always "really busy", even before the first date I would suggest putting a profile only to say you are "out there" and not waste your time there. Before I went in and permanently closed down my profile, most of those women were still there on that site so it's not a case of not being attracted to me personally.

If you are insistent on staying there, you can ignore most of the "advice" you get like message hundreds of girls. All I can suggest is not to grovel and put women on a pedestal like you aren't worthy to be in their presence: they absolutely hate that in general and to be honest, most women on that site are messed up to some degree and don't take the rejections personally.

He was exaggerating. He just meant that guys tend to have to message a lot of different girls before they get a response.

Who cares why or how you picked the person you ended up with -- via online or IRL dating -- as long as you're happy together?

If you initially like a-q, who don't reciprocate your interest, then move along to r, who does, why is that bad? If r liked you but you didn't like them, you'd presumably move right along to r, s, t, etc.

It's also sort of interesting that the vast majority of folks find their "soulmates" to be someone of a similar age, geographic area and income level... as opposed to a, like, 90 yo farmer in Bhutan.

Thank you all for the input.

I've decided not to follow online dating anymore, seems like fish in a barrel for some, but I'm more like a storm trooper.

Guess there's a chance I will meet someone, but there's a chance of winning the lottery, I'll take the odds of the latter. I need to come to terms with that maybe I'm not meant to be with someone, it happens.

Thanks again, you can close this thread.

It only takes a few minutes to copy & paste a message to 100 girls. Not sure how that could be seen as desperate.

I know plenty of people who have been successful in online dating because they just do what is necessary to get responses. They certainly wouldn't be considered "desperate" by any standard.

I think you're projecting your own insecurities when you criticize the approach to online dating that actually works.

......

that's a so individualistic approach.

You should call this the fisherman method, one net for all fish and catch what you can catch.




Oh...why there's a lot of personal psychoanalysis lately on this forum?

This can work only for someone who wants *any* girl.

Again, you're making statements that are completely untrue. As I said before, you only send a message to girls you'd be interested in dating. I don't understand what's so hard to understand about this. If there's hundreds of thousands of girls on the site, there should be hundreds, if not thousands of girls who would fit your criteria, even if you're the most picky guy in the world.

Maybe you live in a place where there aren't as many girls on dating sites so that could explain your confusion regarding this approach.

But as I said, it certainly works for a lot of guys.

The only people I hear complaining about online dating sites are the guys who are doing it wrong. They are the guys who send an individual message to girls they like and get upset that no one responded. They feel like they wasted their time crafting personalized messages to girls who didn't respond. And they did waste their time. They should have sent a copy&pasted message to a larger number of girls.

Uhh its a hard one, I mean my first instinct is to say give it more time....I mean it took me quite a while before I got any opportunities to chat with and/or meet guys. Then as it turns out I did meet a few and the vast majority did not end up turning into real relationships mostly ended up just amounting to hook ups and one where things did get serious but then the guy broke up with me for a very slight chance they could get with an old crush of theirs.

So even if you do meet someone, it still might not be all that great or work out, but you can learn things from that.

But really all you can do with a dating site is give it time, and/or keep trying to get responses by sending initial messages. I sent messages myself but didn't get any responses from messages I sent. Of course I am female and the social norm seems to be guys initially talking to girls but I don't think that is the 'right' way but certainly could mean a guy is less likely to get initial messeges from girls than girls are from guys. Also seems to mean guys are less likely to respond to a female sending them a message cause its out of the ordinary.

As for girls you do message do you read their whole profile and look at all their preferences? Also doesn't hurt to look at that question and answer section and see how they respond to the questions....Also make sure your profile does a good job at reflecting your personality or at least your interests and lifestyle. I see a lot of almost blank profiles and I don't think that is a good thing....I mean admittedly if I see a very blank profile with just a name, age, location and a couple preferences filled out my immediate thought is that they are a fake/troll profile or that they have some undesirable intentions hence not having much information about them self visible.

Also this is just based on my experience but instead of constantly looking back at that site and being constantly active...sometimes it works a little better if you just go about your life, check in from time to time and see if you have responses/messeges, answer some of those questions.....I looked at those when I was active on the site, but maybe not all females do.