abusive or Aspergers?

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Well, I looked at her posts and they all seem to have the same story to it, it may have been an error in registering. Still this does come across a bit troll-ish, I mean OP your boyfriend is a psychopath, who may or may not have autism. The autism does not, however, make him a psychopath. These two things might coexist but are not relevant to one other.

Also



Ok I might need a mod to keep me in line here cause I know this is a family friendly site but why in the HELL would you do this? Sexual abuse is not something to laugh at and is quite serious regardless of someones mental status. He can have bipolar, schizophrenia, autism, borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety or crazy fruit loop syndrome, you never excuse sexual assault as a part of someones condition.

Also, I WAS raised by an AS parent who violently abused me. Over the course of my life, I have been abused by three AS individuals, two of whom insisted to me their behavior is legitimate. Is it so surprising I would want to know the opinion of OTHER people w AS? and I corrected my profile. I meant to choose the family member w AS tab, so there's no need for you to accuse me of deception.

I might need a mod to keep me in line here cause I know this is a family friendly site but why in the HELL would you do this?"

I was sexually abused as a child and, at the time, accepted such behavior.

and wow, I am NOT/ a troll. This ALL really happened

Given the number of contentious negative and unfounded assertions you have made on the thread to date, you seem to want to focus on expressing your prejudiced opinions rather than learn from the posters who have responded in good faith. Whether you are making these assertions out of ignorance or because you wish to flame, I cannot know, though I can advise you that continued smears of the kind you have so far made breach the rules and ethos of WP. Please note also that WP is not primarily an information site for NTs; it's a support site for people on the autistic spectrum to engage with their peer group. All members, on the spectrum or not, are required to abide by the rules.

Ok sorry, I think we get a lot of trolls on wrong planet and surely you can see how one might come to that conclusion when you are making post that more or less insinuate that all AS individuals are abusive. However, you seem legit so I will give my two cents (more than I already have). First off and this opinion might not be popular here but I can personally see how an individual with AS can be verbally abuse and not mean to be but an AS individual knows right from wrong. Any physical or sexual abuse and I would be willing to bet that their intentions are not good. See autism just means you are bad at communication in a nutshell and bad communication is not an excuse for bad behavior.

I'll give you two examples from own life,

Example #1 - I was expelled from school, caused by something I did wrong. There were some politics involved and my social skills didn't help matters but in the end I choose to hack into my college's computers and that behavior was unacceptable regardless of my autism. I had/have autism and I make a poor decision, the autism did not cause the poor decision.

Example #2 - I have recently been shunned from a church for acting inappropriate, most of what I was accused of was verbal in nature. In this example I feel autism played a role cause I had no idea I was doing anything wrong and unfortunately because the church won't tell me what I said to cause so much grieve. I can't correct the situation, see even if you past boyfriend didn't know sexual assault is wrong which I doubt very seriously. Autistic people are capable of correction. The fact he continued to act this way tells me he is using autism as an excuse to see what he can get away with.

dcj123, thank you VERY much for your examples. That clarifies a lot to me. My ex assaulted me only the times I described above BUT was emotionally abusive the entire time after. This now makes me think that he may have assaulted me out of a basic disregard for others, and he must have been simply abusive because he freaking was and not out of social difficulties.

Having ended up in two abusive relationships back to back, I had been tortured with questions as to why. I genuinely did not want to believe that their condition made them abusive but I had no idea what to think. I also tried to get the second bf, one who sexually assaulted me, to seek professional help but he refused. The one who tried to kill me WAS seeing a psychiatrist who SUPPORTED his behavior, making me more distressed and confused.

Last edited by baconessa85 on 31 Oct 2015, 6:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think she's a troll. She might be stereotyping AS in some erroneous way.

It's pretty obvious to people who know Asperger's that violence of the type that the OP has suffered through is not the result of AS. It's the result of something which might be co-morbid with the Asperger's, but TOTALLY separate from it.

It seems to me (without criticizing the OP), that the OP has to make better choices as to who she romances.

She has to break the cycle of abuse, somehow.

@kraftiekortie, ah, comorbid w AS makes it clearer to me. I have read about the comorbid aspect and that may be what I experienced.

Oh yes, I am determined to NEVER be in an abusive relationship again.

Cool, glad I could help. I was getting kinda scared there, I try to avoid angering authoritative figures cause I tend to get myself in trouble and not mean to. Thus I was feeling the urge to jump ship on this thread, I think B19 is a moderator even though its not listed so try and stay on her good side.

But yeah the fact he wanted an open relationship equals something someone would say who only cares about themselves not something someone with autism would say. Glad you see the difference some what, I think in all fairness it probably is hard to tell for NT what behaviors are just bad or caused by social problems. Unfortunately with my church situation they said I use autism as an excuse but I really didn't. I think the key thing to ask yourself when trying to figure out, is something like "Is this action completely vindictive and selfish or is this an action of someone who having trouble expressing themselves?".

Last edited by dcj123 on 31 Oct 2015, 6:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

I find this very hard to accept, and can only assume that the psychiatrist said a lot more which you haven't mentioned here. This reads as if an actual murder attempt was simply shrugged off.

My friend's mother has serious, long-standing mental health problems, and while off her medication, threatened to kill my friend with a hammer. As a result of that she was, under mental health legislation, held for a time in a secure psychiatric ward while she was assessed, put on to new medication and no longer wanted to kill her daughter. No one shrugged, and said, oh, well, that's just her condition.

And, attempted murder and actual physical assault and rape are NOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ASPERGER'S. They are, though, examples of CRIMINAL BEHAVIOURS, the kind that usually carry prison sentences.

It seems that you are genuinely struggling to see that what happened to you was criminal assault, due to past experiences, and I'd suggest that you see about counselling or therapy so you can work through your own issues.

None of this has anything to do with Asperger's though.

I'm glad you're no longer with this guy, for your own sake.

dcj123, this "the fact he wanted an open relationship equals something someone would say who only cares about themselves not something someone with autism would say" is very interesting and something I had no idea how to view. Thanks for clarifying this as well. He made ME feel bad for not agreeing to an open relationship right away!

I'm sorry you're having difficulties at your church.

@Marcia, to clarify: the psychiatrist who shrugged it off was NOT the psychiatrist he was seeing when he tried to kill me. He WAS hospitalized after one of those attempts and then threatened me via calls from the hospital to not say what REALLY happened. My AS mother also screamed and blamed ME for what he did.. I did not even tell anyone about the other two times as I felt guilty.

The murderous ex's current psychiatrist explained to me that the ex's verbally abusive behavior was his condition. Regarding murder attempts he had NOTHING to say. And I have concluded that this psychiatrist is inadequate. I am in therapy NOW and determined to avoid abuse again.

His behaviour sounds abusive. And by the way, Asperger people can be abusive just like anybody else. Behaviours like not liking soft touch, or shrugging off a caress would be an autistic trait but not slamming someone into a car; no way; that's abuse.

I don't think one has to get on a moderator's "good side"--as long as one is not personally abusing anybody.

People have varying opinions; variety is the spice of life.

A good moderator is one who recognizes this.

One should not fear expressing an opinion here on WP.

I'm making a general statement. I like B19. I want to be on her "good side."

Thanks, I do have a lot of unpopular opinions I normally keep to myself such as thinking autistic people might, keyword, might be verbally abusive and than autism can, keyword, can be viewed as a disability. I respect other peoples opinion though, I speak only from my own experience and I have other diagnosis in addition to autism so I might be wrong when I say autism can be a disability. It just certainly has limited my ability to succeed in life and I can see where autism can cause verbal abuse or at the very least miscommunication that might lead another party to think that.

One thing to consider when digesting my comments is I have had no intervention in terms of services growing up, was isolated throughout my childhood and have a more severe case in some ways according to my doctor/therapist. So consider that when reading me, my doctor/therapist said that because I had little intervention, I am worse off than others on the spectrum and the way I think is still child like in many ways. I normally feel about like a little kid playing grown up sometimes, I have no clue what I am doing most day and when I look back at my life I wonder how I made it as far as I have with an apartment and all.

At any rate, I am totally derailing this conversation and that will probably get B19 after me so I am signing off.



LOL