Obsessive loves

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Does any one here just get the worst obsessive crushes on people? I am old enough now to know not to act like a stalker, but as a teenager and twenty something this was all I did.

Now I just suffer miserably but it is so rare that I meet someone who I feel I can connect to, who doesn't judge me, that I end up just crushing and loving intensely and thinking about them all the time.

Oh, and they are always unavailable. Been single for 7 years.

This definitely used to be me in my younger teens (I'm 19 now), but I've kinda developed a defensive barrier to keep me from falling for anyone I don't know for certain is interested in me. The more you obsess over someone, the more the rejection hurts. It's just not worth it. Not allowing myself to fantasize over anyone really made things a lot easier on me.

Yep, as sad as it seems, it's necessary. A barrier to protect yourself. I have done the same thing.

Being obsessive and a stalker is not the same thing.



I've always worked like that, and I have no intention of ever changing. OTOH, when I get obsessive about somebody it is usually mutual.



It's not that simple. The only way I can create a strong attachment to a girl is by obsessing over her. So if I stopped doing that, I would get deprived of my best memories, and I'd never get into a healthy relationship.

There's nothing wrong with falling for/obsessing over someone when you're sure they like you back, but there's always the risk of a break-up. I mean, I just don't let myself fall for someone unless I'm pretty sure they like me back, and that never happens.

In that case you probably have too high requirements about knowing someone likes you back. I typically feel it is enough if she engages in the eye contact game with me regularly in order to assume it's mutual.

I'd say it's more to do with the fact that I don't have many female friends, and don't have the opportunity to talk to women as much. Additionally, pursing someone and falling for someone are not the same thing.

I never talk to women I have a romantic interest in. Much less date them.



It is for me. Those two are strongly linked to each other. I wouldn't pursue (obsess about) a girl unless I had a crush on her. Before that I might find her interesting, but that wouldn't be obsessive.

I suspect that you mean you could decide to obsessively pursue some girl you find interesting in some rational way. I can't do that.

There rarely a way to know with any degree of certainty if someone you don't or barely know (i.e. Aren't already friends with or run in the same circles as) likes you back... and even if you are friends/in same crowd, still not a cakewalk. Well, for me.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Strongly disagree on that one.

Also, I wouldn't trust the words of somebody that says she likes me. Such things are sometimes just games, and even if it isn't a game, anybody can lie about that. She would have to prove that with actions, as the words means nothing to me.

Staring and one-sided "relationships" work for you. Conversations and dates work for me. There are as many ways to find your way to a relationship as there are people on the planet.

Different techniques for different people. There's no one "right" way.

I sometimes wished they did, but one-sided relationships never worked for me. I cannot go by pure imagination, but rather I need real feedback.

I don't mean that I won't make any advances until I'm sure somebody likes me back. I mean, I'll go through the motions if I detect a bit of interest, but I keep a close eye on my emotions until I'm sure she likes me back. I'll pursue a love interest but without actually 'falling' for them or getting emotionally invested in them until I'm sure there's anything there. At least, that's what I try to do, with a reasonable degree of success. Otherwise, I'll take any potential rejection I get really badly because I know nobody's interested in me.

Wow! I thought I was alone on this. Sadly I admit I become like this. I have many crushes. Over time most of them fade because I lose hope and confidence, but there is always that one guy who I end up really liking. I always think about him and hope for a relationship. I also have the habit of distancing myself once he does something I suspect means he is disinterested, even if it is something minor. I do it out of fear of getting hurt.

Best option those of us who have this issue can do is to distract yourselves as well as tell yourselves that your interests have lives and so you have one too. Eventually with time the obsession will die down and you will either form a relationship with them or move on.

Same, I agree with everyone here, I recently made a thread in this section discussing my own issue pertaining to this, but no one's replied yet.

I've felt obsessed with people but thankfully that's something I seem to have left behind in my teenage years.

I know a lady with AS who has been legit stalking this guy for the last eleven years. She asked him out, he said no, and she couldn't handle it. He's been looking over his shoulder waiting for her to do the next weird thing for the past decade.

The moral of the story is, as painful as feelings can be, having them isn't wrong. It's all about how you act on them