Page 2 of 3 [ 38 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

15 Nov 2015, 6:30 am

Quote:
That's a great! Good sign!


The friend zone does not exist. It's a made up pick up artist term. What some men elect to call the friend zone is simply a girl who doesn't want to date them.

Also, just because a girl didn't want to date you does not mean you screwed up. She probably just liked somebody else better


How and what is a good sign?

I thought a friend zone is where the girl doesn't like a guy where the guy do like her? I think that does make sense.

I don't think she is liking anyone else, despite her lack of trust in guys due to respect of her traumatic experiences. She doesn't have many friends. She kept rejecting that guy who kept asking her out, and told me she doesn't want him.



Rajvilas
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 15 Nov 2015
Age: 33
Posts: 27

15 Nov 2015, 8:47 am

Quote:
How and what is a good sign?


Because she was initially only comfortable with you in group situations and now enjoys spending time with you one on one.

Quote:
I thought a friend zone is where the girl doesn't like a guy where the guy do like her? I think that does make sense.


My understanding of friendzone from PUA is the theory that, at the time of meeting, a girl sees a guy as a date or a friend, with an impermeable boundary between. As in, if you don't get a date immediately, she'll put you in the friendzone and never date you.

Do you feel taken advantage of by this girl, that you like and isn't yet inclined to date you? It doesn't sound like it, so, by all means keep being her friend. If you hit the point it hurts too much to be "just friends", stop handing out with her platonically.

I'd also suggest still pursuing other girls if you aren't actually dating her. You're single, have no obligation to a girl who isn't and may never be your girlfriend.

Quote:
I don't think she is liking anyone else, despite her lack of trust in guys due to respect of her traumatic experiences. She doesn't have many friends. She kept rejecting that guy who kept asking her out, and told me she doesn't want him.


Has she told the other guy, point blank, that she's not interested and told him to stop asking her out? If not, ugh. Ugh times a million. Boundary issues.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

15 Nov 2015, 8:58 am

Rajvilas wrote:
Because she was initially only comfortable with you in group situations and now enjoys spending time with you one on one.


I agree. That is a step in the right direction. However, problem might be her intentions. She might just want him for a friend, and has no romantic interest.

Rajvilas wrote:
My understanding of friendzone from PUA is the theory that, at the time of meeting, a girl sees a guy as a date or a friend, with an impermeable boundary between. As in, if you don't get a date immediately, she'll put you in the friendzone and never date you.


My version of it is that if there is no initial romantic interest, then you will be permanently in the friend zone. Dating doesn't need to be involved.

Rajvilas wrote:
I'd also suggest still pursuing other girls if you aren't actually dating her. You're single, have no obligation to a girl who isn't and may never be your girlfriend.


I don't now about the OP, but I'm unable to do that. I cannot have "half-baked" interests. It's either a crush and an obsessive interest, or something non-romantic like a friendship. In the first case, I'm exclusive "by design", so I cannot be interested in somebody else at the same time. It's much like a special interest. They typically compete, and one of them usually "wins out".



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

15 Nov 2015, 5:05 pm

She did actually tell him she have no interest in him at all, at the same time she doesn't want him nor in a relationship. She is focusing on herself at the moment. Counseling, career and trying to make friends.

She doesn't hang with out guys, that what she told me. No initial romantic interest? That is called friendships. My psychologist told me starting from friends before into relationship definitely have no romance involved/interest. You can't tell right? How you get in romance with someone you rarely know? How you able to trust and be confidence with someone if there is romance involved?

My other friend, she just got a new boyfriend, of her friend for several years. They weren't romantic for whole time. They just recently started dating and now its romantic.

I think there are lot of people in reality doesn't understand the step process of relationships. If you want a long term partnership/marriage, you need to start off as friends. She will be your best friend for life, if romance involved with that it a brilliant luck. Love at first sight is like society crap. Love at first sight doesn't work because how you trust and be confident with a stranger?!

I am seeing lot of friends, family friends and that in my life jumping in and out of relationships many times. Rebounding, casual dating and flings. They are complaining about them all the time and still doing it. It seems no one have learned from this. This makes me feel so glad for not wasting nor investing time on short term craps. There is nothing be mindful of yourself when doing this. You are so far more likely to be unhappy kind of person in these situations.

My psychologist told me that if you are loving yourself and happy for everything, consistently, you are far more likely to find someone in a same shoes. The relationship/marriage will be very long term, because of understanding emotions.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

15 Nov 2015, 5:33 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Love at first sight is like society crap. Love at first sight doesn't work because how you trust and be confident with a stranger?!


I know it works (happened to me more than once). You become confident over time by obsessing over her, and when she reciprocates your interest by obsessing about you.



Rajvilas
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 15 Nov 2015
Age: 33
Posts: 27

15 Nov 2015, 5:35 pm

Quote:
She doesn't hang with out guys, that what she told me. No initial romantic interest? That is called friendships. My psychologist told me starting from friends before into relationship definitely have no romance involved/interest. You can't tell right? How you get in romance with someone you rarely know? How you able to trust and be confidence with someone if there is romance involved?


Being friends world for some people. Others meet someone and start dating right away and live happily ever after.

There's no one right way to date.

There's no one successful way to date.

There's nothing with immediately dating or with being friends first.

It is very odd that your psychologist is telling you otherwise.

Not seeing what you have to gain by putting down a way of dating that has worked for lots of people (but happens not to be your thing; not that you've so much as a single date's worth of experience).

[quote ] My other friend, she just got a new boyfriend, of her friend for several years. They weren't romantic for whole time. They just recently started dating and now its romantic. [/quote]

Yay for her. That still doesn't make dating someone you've just met wrong [/].

If dating someone you've just met [i] is
something you truly believe to be wrong (as you're entitled to do), why did you ask the object of your affection out when you met her?

Quote:
I think there are lot of people in reality doesn't understand the step process of relationships. If you want a long term partnership/marriage, you need to start off as friends. She will be your best friend for life, if romance involved with that it a brilliant luck. Love at first sight is like society crap. Love at first sight doesn't work because how you trust and be confident with a stranger?!


Love at first sight works for some people. Why do you feel the need to rain on other people's parades?

YOU haven't experienced it (neither have I). OTHER people swear by it (yay for them!).

Why put something that works for others down to make yourself feel better?

Is it helping?


Quote:
I am seeing lot of friends, family friends and that in my life jumping in and out of relationships many times. Rebounding, casual dating and flings. They are complaining about them all the time and still doing it. It seems no one have learned from this. This makes me feel so glad for not wasting nor investing time on short term craps. There is nothing be mindful of yourself when doing this. You are so far more likely to be unhappy kind of person in these situations.


You're not glad you're a dateless virgin at 25, that no girl will agree to go out with.

You hired a psychologist because you're miserable about your status as a late in life dateless virgin and are desperate to remedy the situation do you don't die alone.

You're terrified no girl will ever want you because no girl ever has and you're 25 yo !

Quote:
My psychologist told me that if you are loving yourself and happy for everything, consistently, you are far more likely to find someone in a same shoes. The relationship/marriage will be very long term, because of understanding emotions.


Isn't there a 50% across the board divorce rate in Oz too?



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

15 Nov 2015, 5:42 pm

rdos wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
Love at first sight is like society crap. Love at first sight doesn't work because how you trust and be confident with a stranger?!


I know it works (happened to me more than once). You become confident over time by obsessing over her, and when she reciprocates your interest by obsessing about you.


That where you get hurt. I used to be like this, liking a girl from first time. I get rejected every single time on that scenario. It doesn't work. It not a two way street. You still get hurt at the end anyways.

...............

Sighs. I give up. Whats the point of telling me I am doing everything wrong. From happy to sad about myself. I am seeing people doing different ways and approaches on this, I tried them all. I did ask her out on same day I met. That didn't work. I asked her out after being friends. That didn't work either.

Love at first sight? That never happened. I wouldn't be comfortable with her because there is no trust and confidence yet, since the fact she is still a stranger.

I rather end myself over this. Bloody excusing me and pushes me away from everything.

Why women tend to attract to wrong guys all the time? And bagging on me for being a wrong guy for all of them at the same time no women have accepted me!? Gosh, what wrong with you all!? I haven't been in a relationship nor had a date. How everybody can tell if I am a wrong guy, let alone rejecting me 24/7! They accept other guys more often than me and they still wrong for them since they get rebounded.

Sounds like women hates me. I kill myself. Feck this planet.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

15 Nov 2015, 5:50 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
Love at first sight is like society crap. Love at first sight doesn't work because how you trust and be confident with a stranger?!


I know it works (happened to me more than once). You become confident over time by obsessing over her, and when she reciprocates your interest by obsessing about you.


That where you get hurt. I used to be like this, liking a girl from first time. I get rejected every single time on that scenario. It doesn't work. It not a two way street. You still get hurt at the end anyways.


Never got hurt that way. You must be doing it wrong if you get hurt every time, and you should try to figure out what you are doing wrong instead of rejecting the whole concept.



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

15 Nov 2015, 5:55 pm

rdos wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
Love at first sight is like society crap. Love at first sight doesn't work because how you trust and be confident with a stranger?!


I know it works (happened to me more than once). You become confident over time by obsessing over her, and when she reciprocates your interest by obsessing about you.


That where you get hurt. I used to be like this, liking a girl from first time. I get rejected every single time on that scenario. It doesn't work. It not a two way street. You still get hurt at the end anyways.


Never got hurt that way. You must be doing it wrong if you get hurt every time, and you should try to figure out what you are doing wrong instead of rejecting the whole concept.


Liking them is wrong thing to do?! That utterly astounding BS. Why telling me to stop liking them? That is the ONLY thing I am doing, is to like them. Gosh, what planet we living on!?



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

15 Nov 2015, 6:07 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Liking them is wrong thing to do?! That utterly astounding BS. Why telling me to stop liking them? That is the ONLY thing I am doing, is to like them. Gosh, what planet we living on!?


I never told you to stop liking them. I claimed you needed a good tactics for making them like you back, which obviously was your problem when you got hurt. Either you are targeting the wrong women that don't like your "type", or you are missing out on creating a mutual interest. After all, it doesn't work to just obsess about a random stranger woman. That's just as bad as asking a random stranger woman for a date, which typically doesn't work either.



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

15 Nov 2015, 6:20 pm

Then why it always worked for everybody else except me?

Everybody I know already dated before 25. Already done everything that is part of human life on planet Earth. I am missing out. its their reflection of rejections basing on my unattractive traits thanks to my poor communication where it making them feel uncomfortable. I don't get it why women hates me so much basing on my disabilities that make them so scared?

I am VERY GOOD guy. I have career. I have money. I have an apartment and car. I have friends. I have families. I have networking groups that I hang out socially and that. I am involved in sports and meetup groups. I am always out every week, constantly being out is to be awesome person for myself being happy and excellent successful person for myself. That where I am hoping to meet someone. Because I was told it doesnt work by sitting at the computer screen or playing video games all day all night! I don't do that. I am always out and do things.

Now when I am being out. It always women and other people kept seeing me I have severe disabilities where communication is on massive bang bang scale that scares them off. I can't hear people speeches properly because they speak too fast, very unequal pace and poor speech articulation. I dont get to clubs nor bars because its so bloody loud and annoying. I dont like the smell of alcohol and that. it make me to throw up and feel death in hell.

I am so furious and curious of why I am in this situation when I have so many awesome things for myself. Why I am always seeing guys get women all the time who doesnt have lot of things like I do. I thought it better to be with someone who have more things, like attractive things. Gosh what kind of planet this is! I rather kill myself instead because nothing is working nor changed. It just making fecked up bogan feralism crap



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

15 Nov 2015, 7:27 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Then why it always worked for everybody else except me?

Everybody I know already dated before 25. Already done everything that is part of human life on planet Earth. I am missing out. its their reflection of rejections basing on my unattractive traits thanks to my poor communication where it making them feel uncomfortable. I don't get it why women hates me so much basing on my disabilities that make them so scared?

I am VERY GOOD guy. I have career. I have money. I have an apartment and car. I have friends. I have families. I have networking groups that I hang out socially and that. I am involved in sports and meetup groups. I am always out every week, constantly being out is to be awesome person for myself being happy and excellent successful person for myself. That where I am hoping to meet someone. Because I was told it doesnt work by sitting at the computer screen or playing video games all day all night! I don't do that. I am always out and do things.

Now when I am being out. It always women and other people kept seeing me I have severe disabilities where communication is on massive bang bang scale that scares them off. I can't hear people speeches properly because they speak too fast, very unequal pace and poor speech articulation. I dont get to clubs nor bars because its so bloody loud and annoying. I dont like the smell of alcohol and that. it make me to throw up and feel death in hell.

I am so furious and curious of why I am in this situation when I have so many awesome things for myself. Why I am always seeing guys get women all the time who doesnt have lot of things like I do. I thought it better to be with someone who have more things, like attractive things. Gosh what kind of planet this is! I rather kill myself instead because nothing is working nor changed. It just making fecked up bogan feralism crap

Please stop thinking about that horrible stuff, just calm down. I don't know how ot help you because I am in a similar situation. I'll be 24 in 3 months and I am not even successful like you, I don't even have a job and I am scared of driving. Also you can be sure that if I had a job I'd suck at it so much, lol. So I don't really know how to help you but if you want to exchange a few words you can send me a PM.
Btw I read that you have English as a second language, have you tried with some girl who speaks your first language?



Ecomatt91
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 10 Apr 2015
Posts: 818

15 Nov 2015, 8:51 pm

Goodbye everyone and the world. it such a shame losing myself. People cant give me a chance to understand and provide opportunities. I thought I am better than this, but with return I get s**t bagged by superficial and cruel women one after another and repeat for 6 years. I liked some of them by their niceness and assertiveness. Then get rejected very easily.

Life is rejected.

Feck this planet.



Peacesells
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,915
Location: Anzio, Italy

15 Nov 2015, 9:01 pm

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Goodbye everyone and the world. it such a shame losing myself. People cant give me a chance to understand and provide opportunities. I thought I am better than this, but with return I get s**t bagged by superficial and cruel women one after another and repeat for 6 years. I liked some of them by their niceness and assertiveness. Then get rejected very easily.

Life is rejected.

Feck this planet.

Please just calm down. You could call some familiar or friend and talk with them, just stop thinking these horrible things.



andyfzr
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 7 Sep 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 238
Location: High Peak, UK

05 Dec 2015, 7:08 am

GoodSenseAmelia wrote:
If I may interject: I like shy men. I like men who don't talk much. I've learned that most men on the spectrum ar quiet as long as they perceive that everything is okay. I like that. I find it reassuring. The world is a big place and their are other women like me. I baby talk and most men find this annoying. It's important to wait for someone who accepts you. Until then, learn to love yourself, nobody is going to do that for you. I'm glad you're here, I piss people off on a regular basis as well. It's only autism. The right woman will learn to communicate with you.


Wow, you sound like my perfect woman, its a pity you live so far away. I could do with meeting someone like you that understands my frustrations and shyness.


_________________
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. Time to die.


dobyfm
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 291

07 Dec 2015, 8:55 am

This means that you haven't found the right one yet. The dating world is something that a lot of people have over complicated so don't feel bad. To be honest, this has seemed to really depress you. Maybe you should take a break from finding a woman and focus on yourself. Because relying on a partner to make you happy will not make you happy. It will only make you feel worst if everything goes to rot. Try to think of things you do for yourself that make you happy.