My girlfriend told me I am greedy and selfish, am I?

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She seems to be making some progress with valuing money. Buying you a belt is a way of appreciating the money you gave to her. I do similar things with other people when they give me something big. I would agree though that something other than a random gift would be better, you could casually mention this to her.

Getting a pre-nup in your situation would be a smart move. You'd have to word it carefully and in a positive way, maybe ask a family member for advice, and pick a time when you are both not very busy.

This really does not sound like a good situation to me.
I told my husband about her comments re: the dinner not being romantic enough and he said, "Get out of that relationship. The ring won't be big enough, either. And it sounds like heading into $50,000 in debt."

A pre-nup can help with finances, but it's not going to stop or repair the emotional damage that comes from a divorce.

Just like there are autistics that can't remember faces, no matter how hard they try, there are people who seem to always have issues managing money. This is no small issue as many divorces are the result of money issues.

It seems you two have much different issues on how you value you money and things. Because they are so fundamental to relationships, people often use the labels "right" and "wrong."

Whether or not a compromise is available is highly dependent on the needs of the people involved as well as the money that is available. A compromise might indeed be possible if the needs can be satisfied inexpensively with no real impact on the finances of the couple. $200 a week is only $10k a year. A lot of money if you are poor. Not much if you are rich.

Oh okay I see. Are you saying my gf is autistic for not managing her money well? Actually, I am the autistic one in the relationship. She said something similar, that the reason I am not as good as providing for my gf is because of autism, because her friends and people she has known who have dated autistics, also were not good at providing for their partners. Is it possible that could be my case?

Get out of this before it's too late.

She will never be happy unless you win the lottery or she marries a rich man.

It sounds to me like you are "providing well" for a GF in general, but not for HER. She just doesn't sound like the right person for you. Boo and I are saying the same thing - she wants someone with a lot of money. Her "needs" are too much.

If she is complaining about making a nice dinner at home and having a quiet anniversary due to lack of finances, then she is going to complain about everything.

You are not at fault, and it has nothing to do with being autistic. She can't handle a lack of money, no matter what the cause of that might be.

Most of the people who can't manage their money aren't autistic. They are "normal" people with issues besides autism.

I was able to provide for my wife in the fashion she wanted--we went out to eat quite often and celebrated one of her major birthdays with a trip to Disney World. And, we not only bought a house and two new cars, but paid of the mortgage in about 12 years. She loved to travel, so we typically did two long trips a year, as well as a few dozen short trips a year.

I set her up with a joint account, as I did all the checkbook balancing each month. She left the saving and investing to me. Worked for us. But, most people with autism aren't compensated well enough to do that. It helps if you are lucky with investments and understand the "gifts" of the tax code--President Bush gave investors a great opportunity to cash out your long term gains.

She was actually older (not unusual for Autistics) but passed away last year.

I'm sorry, but I have to ask... how the hell is a dinner cooked by your BF, at his house, not romantic? If a girl invited me over for a dinner alone, that she cooked, I'd probably fall for her right then and there. Especially once you pair that up with a movie or a couple of anime episodes to snuggle with....

Why does it have to be at a restaurant, which is usually crowded, where anyone can overhear your conversation.... seems the opposite to me.

I agree with everyone else, this "relationship" wreaks... Either A: she starts sharing more of the burden of the relationship or B: You two break up... cause this can't end well once you have money issues, and you will at this rate, within months,

And as far as footing the bill for the wedding... I'd expect her to foot a portion of it, and I'd much rather keep the in-laws out of it for fear of it being used as "ammo" in a fight.

This has the potential of turning real ugly, real fast.

Well I don't live along so I had to cook at her place but I offered to clean up and everything. Is that bad that we chose her place. She said we could originally but then she changed her mind that day, on short notice.

Well the relationship has been going a lot better lately, and there have been no problems. So maybe the talk we had a few months ago helped! However, her recent thing she said, where she all of a sudden retracted that she had money to pay for her side of the dinner, and said she might as well sell herself on the street, to make the money back, got me worried.

Either she is one of those people who makes a big deal of things, but then calms down and it's fine, or she has a problem with money. I want to ask her if she is okay with signing a pre-nup if we are to get married but how does one go about asking that without coming off as insensitive? I was told by my friend to just have her sign it along with all the other marital papers, cause then it won't hit her so hard, since it will be all business at that time. But it's probably not the best way to go about, and I should probably ask her directly, no?

As a financially impoverished woman...here's my two cents.

There is a big difference between the things necessary for life itself (groceries, health/dental care, etc) and superfluous things like eating in a restaurant as opposed to eating at home.

If she is financially destitute and you are better off, she still has no right to demand that you pay for stupid things like movies in a movie theater. Of course, you have no right to insist that she does either; the only solution is either for you to voluntarily pay (if you don't she shouldn't guilt-trip you about it), or for both of you to eat at home, avoid movie theaters, etc.
However, if she asks you for help with dental care, etc, that's not wrong; she's just trying to survive. In fact, (assuming you're able to), you are being a bit of a jerk if you don't help her out with necessary things (such as if she is unable to buy groceries) especially if you are (albeit grudgingly and with complaints) paying for superfluous things like restaurant meals and movies.
But does she understand everything as I analyzed it above? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she has a Disneyfied view of romance, where the charming prince swoops in and treats his woman to all things fancy.

The difficulty is, when two partners are at disparate levels, financially speaking, even if the richer partner is able to pay for things, he/she can feel emotionally drained by constantly being asked to do so.

Okay thanks. I don't mean to be a jerk. Normally I would lend her the money for the dentist, it just I felt it would open the door further, where she may expect more. Well I offered the money for her first dental check up, and told her I would like to help her with that.

We had a big talk and I also asked her if for marriage she would be okay with signing a pre-nup. I told her that I love her, and that we will share many things we buy together after the marriage, it's just that I have some assets such as buying a house and my business I am trying to get off the ground, that I would like financial control of myself, with the money I have now.

She said that she is not going to sign it, and I continue to want to be in a relationship with her, I have to drop the pre-nup. What is the next step now?

I agree with Rikva that it sounds like she has a disney view of romance. Reading this thread makes me cringe, i am sorry. You are being cautious; she is being demanding that if you loved her, you would ___(fill in the blank with whatever her current whim, desire based on disney view of romance, or at times genuine need that she is depending on you for)___. It sounds like it is hard to tell with her.

And, as has been discussed on other threads, aspies are used to watching and listening to others around them for social cues and copying/obeying what others say. This makes us vulnerable to being taken advantage of, socially and financially, because it's hard to flip that switch from listening to others' feedback and basing our actions on that, to saying "this is not healthy for me/my finances/our relationship; and i won't do it."

I have been married for 18 yrs and hubby and i share all the $$. Neither of us came into marriage with any $$--i think maybe we each had a few hundred $$ in our checkbook and that was it. But we always have believed in pre-nup agreements for situations where one partner has something to financially protect. This you do. If i were in your shoes, and she were refusing to sign a pre-nup, that would be a definite deal breaker for me.

Marriage is wonderful but it takes work. Statistically, money problems are a huge cause of marital strife and divorce. If you would go ahead with marriage with this girl, you are starting out fighting about $$...and you're not even married yet. IMO, you would be setting yourself up for a lot of headache and possibly heartache down the road. Just my 2 cents if you wanted it.