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Essential Love & Dating Advice (By and For WP Members)

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coolbreezy
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25 Sep 2012, 11:19 am

ive been described as an "alpha male", alot, which is pretty rare for ann autistic. i dont do too bad with the ladies.



CrushingHard61
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02 Nov 2012, 11:14 am

Punnyguy wrote:
I am scared of dating as motherly words haunt me to the point of crying out for my mom and seem to be imprinted on certain girls I know as mother figures for the safety I feel around them.

I crave being held just once, am I ill or "bad?"


I think that is pretty normal. Dr. Tony Attwood said that aspies are drawn to partners who are"compassionate, mature and maternal," and that these characteristics are "needed and sought by a partner with asperger's.



benr3600
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02 Nov 2012, 7:12 pm

CrushingHard61 wrote:
Punnyguy wrote:
I am scared of dating as motherly words haunt me to the point of crying out for my mom and seem to be imprinted on certain girls I know as mother figures for the safety I feel around them.

I crave being held just once, am I ill or "bad?"


I think that is pretty normal. Dr. Tony Attwood said that aspies are drawn to partners who are"compassionate, mature and maternal," and that these characteristics are "needed and sought by a partner with asperger's.


That would explain why I was drawn to the woman who considered her mother to be the provider for her family, and tried to emulate her mother with me. But I don't think this pattern has held through all of my attractions; in fact, I think EQ is one of the least consistent variables between them, and maybe that is why it has resulted in failure. I do, however, understand the intrinsic value and necessity of compassion and maturity in a partner after realizing that by continuing to try to pound my square peg in a round hole to meet the inside-the-box demands of NT females who are unaware of my differences from the norm I am only engaging in insanity.



Kanin
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08 Nov 2012, 3:21 pm

Some people say that aspies are like cats. Let him/her come to you (for cuddles, interaction, intimacy), don't go to him/her.

Both my partner and I are like this. We need our space, but sometimes one of us needs more attention than the other. Sometimes I don't understand why he won't give me a hug when I so desperately need it, but if I wait.. he will come to me and everything will be fine..

Oh this leads to another advice:
Good things come to those who wait..


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aspiesandra27
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10 Nov 2012, 3:00 am

Hi, I am new here and sorry for the ignorance, but how do I start a new post? And why isn't my photo showing if I put one up yesterday? (date I joined WrongPlanet?)



Tim_Tex
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10 Nov 2012, 10:41 am

You have to have at least 5 posts before you can post a pic.


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RunnerRedesign

10 Dec 2012, 11:57 am

Help yourself. He/she will come.



ralphd
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24 Dec 2014, 11:11 pm

When I broke up with my fist wife I found 'the Game' by Neil Strauss very helpful for dating.
Wife 2.0 said she really liked 'Loving Someone With Aspergers'

I disagree with those who say a good relationship games a lot of work. Bad relationships do. You know it's a good relationship when it doesn't take work.


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pj4990
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26 Dec 2014, 5:32 pm

minervx wrote:
One thing, in dating, and in general, is that people respect challenge.

This is why the "nice guy" who gives the girl flowers, compliments her all the time and calls her up whenever she posts an upsetting facebook status gets in the friend-zone.

Relationships are supposed to be 50-50, and if you give the other person all the power, they lose respect for you. They either leave/ignore you or they use you.

You don't have to be a jerk, but you can't be desperate. You can't be too accommodating, live around their schedule, or be willing to make huge changes just to impress that other person.

You can't suffocate them with attention or affection. Give the other person just enough to keep them wanting more. No woman feels special knowing that she is being treated like a queen, when you two barely know each other. Only because she is a woman and she's talking to you.

People like challenges. What is too easily attained isn't valued. But if something is harder to obtain; it is worth a little more. This doesn't mean play hard to get by artificially making yourself unavailable. By challenge I mean, through your intellect, wit and humor. Challenge her to reciprocate. It means living your life normally and making the other person something on the side, rather than a top priority, until you two are exclusive.

Bottom line:

Your philosophy should not be "I'd be really lucky if she talked to me or went out with me."

It should be "I'm a person with a lot to offer. I've met a lot of great beautiful women before. I'm able to meet plenty of great women again too. But for now, maybe I could give this one person a chance to see how it works out".


I mainly agree with this, but not entirely for those reasons. Being excessively submissive creeps me out in a way consistent with this post. But part of the reason I don't like it when people try to hard is if somebody never criticises me, I can't take any of their compliments seriously. For me to appreciate it when they say something nice, I need some evidence that they actually meant it, which requires proof they can also criticise when they mean it.



Lazar_Kaganovich
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13 Jan 2015, 5:12 am

By far the best dating/relationship advice:

Why fall in love when there's better things to do!




Blackpanther
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22 Jan 2015, 9:10 pm

kristiyana wrote:
Love can be a tough journey but i assure you that its an amazing one..people should not hesitate to fall in love.Being in love is an unmatchable feeling.

I would like to share a few cute and romantic love quotes with the readers.

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.”
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.”


Thats the easy part,especially for women ,.the hard part is finding the other person willing to do the same.I would replace unmatchable ,with a better word ,love can be untouchable.you may never find it.



roteiro
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10 Feb 2015, 6:41 am

Thanks for the thread! As for me, I am single and trying to find someone using online dating sites like RBrides. I am kinda desperate, but I've dated several cool girls from Russian from that website. Hope, I will find my love...smiley



ApertaVerbum
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10 Feb 2015, 6:48 am

Always have 3 bars of chocolate on you, White, milk and dark (fruit & nut, whatever you want really). On a date if you clearly said the wrong thing apologise with a chocolate. They'll have their preference give them that first, if it happens again give them their next favourite but say "Either you accept I'm not always going to say the right thing or you're going to get progressively worse apologies"

I told my fiance (who suffered childhood abuse) "Don't worry I'm not going to rape you and I'm pretty sure i can convince my friend not to either." it was meant to be reassuring but clearly was not taken well.

Needless to say one white chocolate bar later and much apologising after the incident and now we have our first baby and couldn't be happier.

Theres no impossible in love, just the astronomically improbable.

Aperta Verbum
http://apertaverbum.weebly.com/



DavidTaylor
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15 Mar 2015, 7:13 pm

I think like oxygen, food and water love is also the most essential thing for our life. The life without love is not a life worth living. Love either from your family, parents, friends or your spouse it gives you energy and encouragement to live a happy life and try to improve it every day. So love and be loved and stay happy :)



ealltech
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18 Dec 2015, 4:36 am

In the interests of making this thread used and useful, I'm going to unlock it, and anyone can post a link to a thread or post they feel is useful. Yay democrazy

So post links to threads/posts you've seen in L&D that you feel would be worth preserving for all eternity or something like that.



Melo11
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24 Dec 2015, 4:06 pm

JBY - just be yourself