What does it mean when a girl's really nice...(read more)

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Well, it sucks. But now we both know better for next time. I read this from a book yesterday. Let's see if this works:
1. Talk to the person, just normal. Do they act nice?
2. If they are extra nice, flirt and laugh a little bit.
3. Ask them out - direct or indirect. Ask to go out for coffee sometime. Too shy? Just give them your number/e-mail and tell them to e-mail you soon - ask for their e-mail/number too.
4. Next step: email or call the person. Say, how are you? What do you like to do? You like to ____? Why dont we do ___ together sometime next week?
5. Take a klonopin and make yourself show up to the date! (GULP!)

Think of it like this. This happened because we are both chickens! If we don't stop, we will miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Let us stop being chickens! I need a little push to call that guy I like! Hey, if you talk to 3 girls next week and give out phone number/e-mail, I will actually call that guy and face him - and face rejection too, even if he hangs up on me or hates me. I will try it. Should I?

I get stuck on number 1.... I never talk to anyone at school, because a) I only go till 11:15am, b) the only time at school I talk to people is when I'm yelling at recess, which doesn't happen anymore, as I don't do recess, c) I tell myself I can't do it, then just go yell like a maniac for 3 hours.

Even if I get to number 2, I still don't know what the heck flirting is (I'm guessing something I don't want to know), and I laugh like a maniac at just about anything, which usually kills my chances.

3. Trying to stay away from drinks with high sugar/high caffiene content, even though that has no relation to the problem (XD). Part of the problem is my parents, last year that's part of the reason things went wrong, my CYW told my mom (Darn stupid of me to talk to the CYW about it, DOH) and then my mom counteracted. So basically a relationship would seriously never get that far, even if I got past obstacle 1.

5. I'm not going to say anything, because I'm highly (heh heh, I said highly XD) doubtful a relationship would ever get this far with ANYONE, till I'm 18.

6. What the hell is a klonopin?

I once wrote my name and number on a piece of paper and kept it until I ran into I guy I liked but had always been to shy to talk to....all it said was...."call, if you want"........He did about 3 days later and we talked on the phone a few times and finally went out.It didnt last (because I am insane)but we did stay friends for the next 15 years(still are,though he is in New York now).

Point being....it worked.Probably easier for me because I am female and he wasnt worried that I would rape and murder him(statisticaly less likely),but you never know until you take a chance.I would never have had the courage to speak to him but having a note and number written,all I had to do was give it to him and leave(in a hurry,believe me.)

I kind of see where the girl is coming from. I have had to ignore guy friends in the past, who confessed to "liking" me, and then wouldn't give up when I told them I was unavailable or not interested.

Also, if a guy I had known for a very short period of time were to say that he "loved" me in a romantic way, I would feel that this is an insult to the word "love". A girl wants to feel like she has been chosen by a guy because he finds her (as opposed to his imagined version of her) to be uniquely beautiful, inside and out. As other posters have said, if he hasn't gotten to know her, she knows he is still in the stage of imagining her to be something she is not.

This is a stage all relationships go through, friendships and romantic interests alike. Squishy feelings felt at this point are attraction/infatuation, which can be a wonderful precursor to the self-donative committment of real love, and similar feelings can later strengthen the bonds of love--but it is not love. When a guy confesses "love" for me after knowing me for a few weeks or a couple months, I know the guy had still had no opportunity to observe how I behave under a wide variety of circumstances, has no idea what my life goals are, doesn't know my tastes, strengths, and faults, etc. So I run for the hills because he has revealed himself to be the type who is just looking for the nearest reasonably attractive person and has little interest in who I really am.

So basically what you're saying is...

"I screwed up, end of story"?

I've been offered to join the I'm shy around girls club. While I'm at it I could
make my own.. something like "The if (self == sucks) {self.destroy} club". YEAH I'LL DO IT. I've got a spoonful of sugar and I'm not afraid to use it! Oh wait I ate that spoonful of sugar two hours ago..... darn that's why I'm so high.

Back on topic....... I've heard the fact that I screwed up 3746635454554 times from 233665545345344345345345 people (random gibberish numbers), I've dug my hole, now I need to get out. I really don't want to screw up this time. I want to move on from last year, I'm very different this year.....

Not the mention that dream that I have every time I think about girls... specifically the ones I make a fool of myself around when I'm TRYING to have a friendship with them.

So any suggestions on this time that work (nothing, I know)?

Suggestions? Ok, take this with a grain of salt, because I'm not a typical, average girl. I have no clue what typical, average girls like to hear from or see in a guy.

But I personally am most likely to start feeling deeply attracted to a male friend who (in addition to being compatible in terms of religion, life goals, and general personality) gives his time and attention to me in small doses and does not harbor expectations about what he will get in return. I am most comfortable with a man when I feel like he enjoys whatever bit of company or time or emails he gets from me for the simple pleasure of having that interaction with me--not because he is hoping this will lead to sex, marriage, prom dates, or whatever.

To give you a concrete example: I am on a singles site, have been for many months. I've met guys both locally and from far away. I have told every single one I am no longer interested, save one particular gentleman. The difference between the guys I said, "No" to and the guy I am still exchanging emails with (and who I am beginning to consider a friend) is this: all the other guys wrote me extremely long emails, expected me to stay on the phone several times a week for hours at a time, wanted to visit me immediately, and were visibly upset if I didn't call them "often enough", spend "enough" time on the phone, or write them long and frequent letters and emails. They also gushed on and on about how great I was... but they didn't know enough about me to actually think anything unique or specific about me was great... so I know that's how they talk to every girl they think could possibly be "the one".

The guy I am still casually talking with never complains if I'm too busy with my daily tasks to write emails at a particular time. He is kind and shows interest, but does not gush on and on about me. He writes me a paragraph or two at a time. He has mentioned that he'd love to see me if I happened to come to a certain event in his hometown, but he has not given off a desperate "OMG I MUST MEET YOU NOW!" vibe. He is frank, funny, honest, says nothing insincere, and is clearly not attempting to "play the love game". He is just being himself and letting me have little glimpses into his world. His actions show he knows trust is to be earned and he does not presume to have a level of social intimacy that we do not yet have.

I think where a lot of guys go wrong is that they let their desire for the end result (again: marriage, sex, affection, soul mates, or whatever) blind them to the value and imporance of each step along the way, as well as the importance of the character and attributes of the woman they are pursuing. They are so keen on meeting their dreamgirl, they will hang on to a woman who isn't really that girl, and try to make her be that one, making the lady in question feel like she's been trampled on or gobbled up in the process.

Anyhow, this may not apply to you at all. This has just been my experience.

My main advice is to let go of romantic expectations and engage in enjoyable social interaction with many females. I believe worthwhile women are more likely to respond favorably when a guy is being attentive, respectful, and kind, but not pressuring in any way. If there's a particular girl you like more than the rest, do extra special things for her or compliment her on true aspects of her appearance or personality. Don't pop big questions or make major heartfelt confessions unless you suspect the feeling is mutual. Don't focus on "getting" a girlfriend. Pop culture tells us it's cool to latch on to other people in this way ASAP... but my own experiences and the wisdom of people I respect tells me a different story: it's way better at first just to socialize and form friendships with many people of the opposite sex.

Well, then I'm screwed then..................<insert infinite dots here>

EDIT: I go as far as going to wanting to talk to her, then turn around, cursing and swearing at myself outloud, and then usually everyone else is laughing except for the girl I wanted to talk to, then all hell breaks loose, then I'm usually suspended every two days because I was TRYING to express my feelings to the.. err... not very nice staff, which fails miserably, then I never EVER (or barely) see her again.

So yeah, it sucks, but it's true.

I still have the vision of "self.destroy", so if I even get a LITTLE peeved off at anything, I'll start imagining jumping off a bridge, then I'll actually start getting my coat, then once outside, I'll turn around and just curse and swear at guys on YouTube till 3am, then be a nervous wreck for the next 6-25 days.

So yeah.... yep...... ya...... so.... uhhhh..... FIRST OFF THE BRIDGE WINS..... welll.. that was pointless........

Sorry to hear about that.
I too have been asked to join the SAG Club because I have infatuations around several different girls, one is a senior; bad idea.

Here is my story:
Said senior and I were in one or two of the same classes for all three trimesters.
Since this relationship was a bit lopsided, she already has a 6' 6'' BF who, from the sounds of it, he would beat my ass to a pulp if I uttered a syllable to his girl.
On Wednesday, it was Senior's Last Day at school & being the idiot that I am, I wrote a poem for her. Will someone slap me? Because she was so nice to me, that was the impulse that led me to do that. If you read this & laugh, give me some advice by PM, subject heading with "Ways to Get Over an Attachment."

Sorry, Legrand. I didn't realize you were so young. I didn't mean to overwhelm you with that longish reply there.

I do still think you need to figure out a way for "getting a girlfriend" to be less important to you at this juncture though. Personally, I think young teens would be better off not exclusively dating anybody, focusing mostly on studies and basic personal growth/social skills ... but I don't think I would have heeded my own advice when I was in high school either. Hormones and all.

Do you have an older guy friend you respect and in whom you could confide and ask for advice? Like an uncle or brother or something, even? I think I would have been helped a lot in high school if I'd had an adult friend to lend me some insight and tell me more about how people are.

...and to help me learn the self-control not to freak out about certain things. (As I did with some frequency.)

WTF?

OLDER GUY FRIEND? First of all, it's highly unlikely that anybody older is going to want to listen to any body younger's junk, so your answer is moot right there. Second of all, OLDER GUY FRIEND???????????// That sounds kind of....... wrong......

It's like that Star Wars movie, except you replace all instances of Wayne's World with Gay's World...

Number 1: What the heck do you think this is, Yoda, Gay's World?
Yoda: Gay's World SUCKED....... like your mother!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !###@@%&%^%$#@##@!@

OMGWTFPWNED!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Now back to Eating Triple-choco ice-cream, When your allergic to chocolate with some loser!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! (some loser isn't capitalized, because the guy's such a loser, he doesn't deserve to have his name capitalized) (Oh god.... I'M EATING THAT ICE CREAM)

Dude, chill out. Anyway, as for older guy friends, they are usually willing to help out and give advice.

Like I said, it's highly unlikely. Plus there is no "older guy friends" (righhhht) anywhere within a 2000 mile radius of here that would want to listen to my junk. There's ONE guy, but I don't talk to him anymore.

As for this "chill out", is that like you hop in a giant freezer and then freeze the death? Because if it is, I'm in. (LOL EMO)

Dear le grand fromage (mm cheese), anyway, breathe in, breathe out, through your stomache, big long deep breaths until you feel okay.

I can see why you might feel that way. That sounds like it feels incredibly tough with what you are going through. How long do you have to wait until you are 18?

And wouldn't CFW and parents give you a bit of time to yourself to go to book clubs, libary events, other things where you can just do mutual activities with girls, sort of making friends, not really dating, but just being around them?

Oh and Klonopin is a type of sedative. I took it once due to social anxieties, bully issues, etc.

This is a super silly idea, but maybe one day you could date a therapist. I mean, they would understand why you laugh so hard. They would know why you do things, instead of just thinking you are "weird" and turning you down, maybe you'd have a chance with somene who could understand you? Therapist or not, think about it - for one day. For right now, can;t you just join clubs of interest and do mutual activities with the girls there?

Talk to you later. Let me know. I hope it works out for you!

-Me