Dating websites are not for males - scientific proof.

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In 2010, there were 11 women for every 9 men on OKCupid. I doubt it's changed that much.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-c ... der-woman/



Assuming a roughly equal number of heterosexual men and women, and a roughly equal interest in forming a couple, the numbers at large are there. The thing is, people don't usually just want 'A Woman' or 'A Man'. As LKL said, it's about finding who fits with you.

What anyone who wants to be part of a couple, for whatever reason, wants is:

1. Someone to who they are attracted (in as broad or narrow a sense as you care for) who is

2. Attracted to them.

Everyone is in that boat. It's then a matter of the details of these two factors. If 1. is a broad, generic type and 2. is narrow and particular, that will be miserable.

I was on OKCupid back then for about 6 months. I was a separated single father, no wealth, rented house, no car, average looks, living a fair bit away from any decent sized centre of population. I didn't know I had asperger's, but I knew I was odd, and I didn't try to hide it. So not exactly 'catch' material. I also knew what I was looking for was pretty specific, and would be hard to find. I then had to hope there was an overlap.

I went through thousands of profiles/matches, and rejected most of them. I had nothing to say to those women, as thousands of women had nothing to say to me (as goes for people at large). I expected as much. I didn't do the scattergun approach. I went through people's profiles, approaching each as an individual. I messaged 19. 11 Didn't reply. I was messaged by 21. I didn't reply to 9 of them. Most things fell flat, where we ran out of things to say to each other, the women being slightly more likely to stop messaging back than I was. I got a few dates out of it with one woman, who I stopped contact with, and a one year relationship with another that ended badly.

My advice is to reflect on both those factors, and see if there's anything that can be done. At the least, be aware of them.

The problem really is with male preferences, as the OkC article made pretty clear. Even if the group of young women is similar in size to the group of young men, most men prefer the young women, which is making competition for this particular group harsh. It's probably much easier for a man that wants a woman 30+ to succeed.

If someone gets blocked or reported I'd think its likely they're probably sending some inappropriate messeges and that is the reason. Also how long are you expecting to find a date on such sites...it can take time, even longer to actually find a relationship since you're not going to hit it off with everyone who you end up meeting with probably.

Also yeah its a dating site with tons of people, of course you have to be active in sending messeges and/or responding to them...if one feels its unfair you have to communicate with a lot of people before maybe finding the right one, they don't have to use a dating site because that is how they work. I mean there is nothing the female sex can do to make it so guys on dating sites guaranteed a date just by being on the site...and we can't magically fix the ratio so there are aways an equal amount of girls and guys on a given dating site. Yet seems some in this thread are angry and bitter at us females in general precisely because of that.

Yes I think a lot of guys go after what they see as the sexyist most sought after women, or 'hard to get' types. Some get it in their head they deserve nothing less so will end up over-looking plenty of women who don't seem like as good of trophies. Or some guys just look at pictures to gauge physical attractiveness without caring much for the content of the profile. Not all guys but that is a lot of guys on dating sites.

The 30+ women are just as or more picky and demanding then the younger women. Most women 18-40 seem to be just as beautiful as the others. My best chance sadly is with 18-19 old women who are still in the highschool mind set of jobs/money don't matter, because in highschool most people don't have jobs. But I'm too old now. But when I was 25 most the women who would show interest or agree to a date were 18-20. Though even they were in the minority for they age.

Maybe if one is a well off man then women in their 30s might be easier.

If they are very attractive, certainly.



Most men will disagree to that.



The best probably is to go for less attractive women. If you want a very attractive woman, then in most cases you will be in harsh competition with many other men that like her too.

No the non attractive and fat and poor ones demand the same stuff.

So I should try to date women I don't find attractive and would never kiss. That seems mean to those women.

Sadly it's not just about age and looks. A lot of the women 30+ in my area on the dating sites have kids and are blatantly looking to latch onto a guy for his money. I've seen situations where it's not so much you dating a woman, but her and her clan of 3+ kids with pretty much no hope of having some of your own. No single guy in his right mind wants to get involved in that. And as sly said it's not just the men who can be picky.

I don't mean to blame women at all. I believe we all have difficulties with online dating and was just pointing that out/re-stating it.

Maybe it's foolish to have the expectation online dating will make things easier, but some of us do/did going into it.

At first, it seems like you're expanding your options not just limited to in your own city, when you leave the house, in the low, low chance you come across someone your own age (not so much for adults but more so for teens), and the even lower chance there's a mutual attraction, and the further low chance you actually have time/the opportunity to talk to them.

So now you've got access to people 1-2 hours away in surrounding cities and areas.

But it turns out after only a couple hours you discover you've just entered a long, tedious process that is just as, if not more difficult than real-life dating/seeking.

I think we all go to online dating for different reasons. Some people out of outright desperation, other's to expand their 'net'.

Either way, online dating, especially on the teen dating sites, has made me discover I'm really nowhere near as desperate as I thought I was. There's males making posts actually saying 'Need girlfriend really badly' but giving no details of their location or even specifically what they want, just 'need gf badly please message me'.

I find online dating to be honest in my short time experiencing it to be very artificial and unnatural. I generally don't like even making friendships online and only use the internet to maintain contact with real-life friends. Online dating seems no different as texting/'chatting' to randoms. Either way it's my only option in this dead, boring town so maybe I shouldn't complain of the internet age.



True. Well, I wonder if it depends on geographical location? Overall, women might outnumber men, but depending on the country it might differ. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex ... lation.PNG

Also, even in countries where women might outnumber men, it could be possible women in this one country simply use online dating sites less.

I'm not dismissing your statistics, in fact it's reassuring to be honest - it would be cooler if it was 10/10 but if women outnumber men there's not as much competition among men but either direction (one gender having significant competition for the other) isn't ideal.

But anyway I'm just suggesting some other factors that come into play.

Another one is it can depend entirely on the website. I can't use OkCupid yet so I'm stuck with other sites, specifically teen ones.

I'm sure there's adult dating sites with unequal gender ratios though, one way or the other.

"I also knew what I was looking for was pretty specific, and would be hard to find. I then had to hope there was an overlap.

I went through thousands of profiles/matches, and rejected most of them. I had nothing to say to those women, as thousands of women had nothing to say to me (as goes for people at large). I expected as much. I didn't do the scattergun approach. I went through people's profiles, approaching each as an individual. I messaged 19. 11 Didn't reply. I was messaged by 21. I didn't reply to 9 of them. Most things fell flat, where we ran out of things to say to each other, the women being slightly more likely to stop messaging back than I was."

I too know what it feels like to have very, well, 'high standards'. Most of everything on these sites I'm using really isn't what I'm looking for.

I see nothing wrong with high-standards. I'm a perfectionist and when it comes to getting to know people, I select carefully so that I only get the best of the best. It saves messing around with all the undesirables that waste your time if you've selected someone decent in the first place. If I had not done this I wouldn't have ended up with either of my first two girlfriends. I had the offer for girlfriends/relationships a few times in the past, offers I passed on. This one absolutely crazy (in a bad way) girl in the 11th grade I liked back but knew it wouldn't work, especially since she'd play games.

Even then, like you say sir online dating is a long, tedious process. Even when you were very selective, the decent number of women you messaged either didn't respond back or if a convo was going it went dry before a connection/first date could be achieved.

I wouldn't want to imagine just how much longer and complicated things would have been if you messaged any half-way decent woman...it probably would have taken you twice as long to find those who you actually wanted to find, twice as long for a date and twice as long for a relationship.

For me, the reason I don't usually message older women is two-fold, but it has nothing to do with the women themselves. The first is that I really want to have children of my own someday, and statistically it becomes much more difficult for women to have kids after ~35 or so, so I use that as kind of an upper cut-off (considering that even if we hit it off, it'll still be at least 2-3 years before we're even to the point to think about that). Also as you said, a lot of older women are single moms or divorcees, and I'm not in a place in my life where I want to be involved in either of those situations...I've seen very few women over 32/33 on those sites who haven't been previously married or had children.

Keyboardqueen. That name though. I approve.

Agreed.
Keyboardqueen is a great username.

Too bad she will have to choose another soon.

Can't we keep her?
Can't we?

Sounds like when kids ask their parents if they can keep a dog, lol. You know she'll be banned very soon anyway.

I know there's more with the kong queen, but i find it a bit hard not to take a bit of offense at statements that say that all women of x age are demanding..i would step in equally if someone said the same about all men. (And yes, the absence of a 'some' qualifier leaves the default which is 'all'.

Reading other posts from sly, i try not to take it as such. But again, it is a bit hard. I think these generalizations are what seem pretty rampant on this forum - and begin to read as feelings of rejection born bitterness born misogyny - which is what some have referred to as leaving women feeling hit/not like they're welcome/should participate here. As - all women are..includes All women. So an all women do x or are x is saying very personally, you do x or y.

This is yet more unfortunate as some of those women who then feel hit are ones that may well be more likely to bond with the 'rejected' or generalizing males (which is of importance since these terms are mostly used here when discussing dating or lack thereof).. Or rather, they might have..and thus potential relationships get a pre-emptive strike down.