Being very attrattive ad an aspie is stressing

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Kisai95
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31 Jan 2016, 8:59 pm

Hello everyone, this is my first post after a long forum frequentation- more or less since I have knownI was an aspie.
I am a 21yo italian guy (then you may forgive my lexical imprecisions) and I have a really big problemi: due to my exterior looking, which I have discovered at college being very attrattive, I am alla day, everyday, under attack of women. They do try in more or less every possible way to seduce me.
Obviously I have no way to win my "shame", also if sometimed i am attracted too. I feel like I'm wasting many chances to find a person that really understands me by just remaing on my own.
I surely am not the only good looking aspie, so my question is for these ones: how the hell could you live live like this? Please give me some trick, I am starting going crazy!



Drawyer
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31 Jan 2016, 9:06 pm

LOOOOOOOOOL


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zeertheseer
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31 Jan 2016, 9:12 pm

I am probably not as good looking as you, a lot of people aren't. But I do know what its like as a guy to actually get flirted with constantly by girls. I have learned its actually not normal on these forums. so I have had to find my own way around it. what I have learned is, Be nice, But be clear. I follow a 3 base rule.

1 do I find the attractive

2 if yes to 1 what are their base interests? usually ask in 3-5 questions, such as what is your hobby?

3.if interests match up and 1 is true attempt to ask girl out, if ANY of these fail. insta-abort. attempt to be nice about it though. such as, a common one I use : "I don't think we have all that much in common, so we most likely aren't compatible. I am sorry" its direct, to the point, and makes sense.


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31 Jan 2016, 10:46 pm

I can relate and yes it is hard to be attractive.

I think I'm decently attractive, very happy and confident with my looks.

I find the majority of females my age my personality is simply not compatible with them, even if I try to be. Most females are only attracted to me by my looks and, while this is flattering, they are quickly turned away by my personality.

It's a real downer that it's your PERSONALITY that's actually driving them away.

I'm not particularly a bad or rude person or anything, it's just my personality is simply makes it hard for me to get along with and relate to others my age.

This has made me start using tactics to narrow it down on dating sites from the very beginning.

I do get quite a bit of attention from females in public, but nowhere near as much as you.

I agree with Ksal95's advice.

I personally approach only if it's mutual, makes the job much easier if she is already attracted to you from the beginning. And if you can't like their personality when having a 5 minute conversation with them, you don't have to go out with them. Be firm, clear, yet polite when rejecting them and if they continue to harass you, '3 no rule' before threatning to report them for harrassment.



AlwaysIsForever
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01 Feb 2016, 1:44 am

Doesn't matter, your personality is too boastful. Have some modesty and act more humble.

That's my two cents :)



The Grand Inquisitor
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01 Feb 2016, 1:53 am

I would take being very attractive over being very unattractive any day of the week.



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01 Feb 2016, 2:00 am

In this thread, problems that don't exist.

It's easy to ugly yourself up. You know, wear a Nazi shirt or something; the chicks will run screaming from you.



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01 Feb 2016, 3:08 am

AlwaysIsForever wrote:
Doesn't matter, your personality is too boastful. Have some modesty and act more humble.

That's my two cents :)


My self-esteem has already suffered enough blows from constant failure throughout life, so it does make me better to constantly remind myself of my achievements. As boastful as I may come across, I'd rather like to consider it a sign I'm confident and outspoken.

All I said is that I consider myself attractive, and am happy and confident in myself and looks. This was necessary to describe to the OP how I can relate to his situation - that I am happy with my looks and look quite decent and, considering the amount of attention I do get, this shows.



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01 Feb 2016, 3:14 am

Dammit, captcha is stopping me from posting at all, I was going to post in parts, and its been deleted.

Alright, I try to be humble and modest anyway.

I don't mean to say I am a special little snowflake or anything either. When I say i can't relate to most people, I just mean I simply can't due to personality mismatch. Most small talk topics I am not interested in and I do not like textspeak/short typing.

I find i have to actually change/alter my personality/method of typing just to appeal a bit more, and I assume others dont have to do the same.

Think from a perspective of a 17 year old female.

If my method of typing is already hard enough for you to tolerate, how hard would it be for a teenage female?

I will admit my method of typing is an acquired taste - I am expressive, verbose and admit quite prideful. But I like to rather think of this as being confident and outspoken. This is who I am, and who I am happy being.

It is not to feel superior, arrogant or better. I'm just as ordinary, normal as anyone else. But if they have every right to speak/type the way they do, then I do as well.



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01 Feb 2016, 3:19 am

"In this thread, problems that don't exist.

It's easy to ugly yourself up. You know, wear a Nazi shirt or something; the chicks will run screaming from you."

Not necessarily. For me, it doesn't matter how I dress, I still get attention. I could be wearing stained boardshorts, stained t-shirt, and walk more pissed off than I normally do and it does not change anything.

Australia is a very laidback and casual country I've found where most people in any location in almost any situation can have a messy, casual look, so it usually doesn't change how we treat other people, unless we're an absolute snooty, uptight snob.

I know I wouldn't be less attracted to a female with a scruffy, messy look, though that might just be my personal taste.

Also, Nazi shirts or other forms of controversy aren't the answer as they will just get you bashed.

"I would take being very attractive over being very unattractive any day of the week."

But being average attractiveness with an 'average' and down-to-earth and relatable personality is much better than being good-looking but boring/no personality/unrelateable personality. I know how some women feel now - only liked for their looks. Nowhere near as fun as one might think, especially since it's WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON that makes them unattracted to you.... :( You can draw them in with the looks, but once you actually open your mouth they get bored with you, it's like they only want you for your looks/body, and this usually is the case.



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01 Feb 2016, 6:18 am

To be filed under:


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Drawyer
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01 Feb 2016, 7:10 am

I found that the way OP said made OP even more likable, confident and hilarious.


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01 Feb 2016, 7:46 am

Drawyer wrote:
I found that the way OP said made OP even more likable, confident and hilarious.


I agree. He comes across as a pretty cool, funny guy. I'm sure he didn't mean to be boastful at all either.

Like me, he feels concerned he won't find someone because even if he gets so much attention, he finds he has to reject them but is starting to think maybe he shouldn't.



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01 Feb 2016, 7:47 am

Outrider wrote:
Not necessarily. For me, it doesn't matter how I dress, I still get attention. I could be wearing stained boardshorts, stained t-shirt, and walk more pissed off than I normally do and it does not change anything.


Then it's probably not how you look, rather, how you behave. Paradoxically, being withdrawn can make people come to you. Also, people with an ASD will probably assume things about people simply because they can't read the body language, inflection, intonation, and other nonverbal cues; it's highly likely that things are being misread.

Of course, everyone is to expect a certain level of attention.

No, this is a problem that doesn't really exist. It's simple to remove yourself from the eyes of people. It's simple to not talk to people (infinitely so if you have an ASD).



kraftiekortie
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01 Feb 2016, 8:20 am

I would enjoy that sort of "stress" :wink:

I've never had women falling over me.



WisteriaRaincoat
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01 Feb 2016, 8:31 am

Dillogic wrote:
In this thread, problems that don't exist.

It's easy to ugly yourself up. You know, wear a Nazi shirt or something; the chicks will run screaming from you.


Or fake bad hygiene, buy and fragrance yourself with an unpleasently sickening smelling perfume, that ought to do it to