Feeling undatable

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Joined: 13 Nov 2013
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17 Feb 2016, 7:42 pm

I wish I could meet slw in person to see what might be creepy about her. I think she is nice and very pretty as far as what I see on here.

AsahiPto17
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17 Feb 2016, 8:08 pm

sly279 wrote:

AsahiPto17 wrote:

...

Most relationships I've seen are people with a deep romantic attraction and little common. Guy goes shooting, lady goes to tennis . They may like some similar shows and movies but even then lady's tend to like drama and their guys action. They all seem to have a bunch of superset hobbies and groups, but attend family and public outings together. There's a few relationships where they share lots of hobbies and whip I'd love to have that, vide game playing, target shooting pro gun, supports welfare, a joys history, camping, walks, women are few. There's not a lot of women into the games I play. Finding one who's into that in guns less still. Most women into guns or games were introduced to them by their bfs. They deemed such activities not feminine never giving them a shot. Most gamers are married to women who hate games and wish they wouldn't played, I constantly hear them complaining in the background, or guys shaving their girl says they have to get off. So I've come to accept ther I likely won't find s girl into the things I am, limiting myself to them would be completely dooming myself. Most women seem to follow gender roles, the go shopping at the mall, hang out with other women, paint their nails, buy makeup galore. Trust me most guys would love a gamer, outdoor gun girl, most guys wife's aren't that girl thoug, so most guys settle, because there not a lot of thos girls. As to how they started the relationship i dont know. I'd guess mutual sexual attraction 0.o many have been in relationships for years up to 40 years married. So clearly not having a lot in common does work.

I dont know if I actually want kids anymore. I did. I find them cute. But until they age 4 their also very disgusting. I like the idea of teaching my kids shooting, campin, hiking, and playing with them. I dont know if I could make it though the first few years thoug, but I guess my grandpa did, but he had a very strong wife.

So basically you're saying it's pointless to try and base a relationship on a friendship, and that all that really matters is sexual attraction and compromise? I don't really care or know if that is normal or not, but I don't think that way. Obviously there can be differences in a good relationship, and it can have a lot to do with attraction too, but without a friendship or anything in common it seems pretty doomed to failure and unhappiness. You don't have to have activities in common necessarily, I believe similar/complementary personalities, thinking, values, humor, etc. are maybe more important.

sly279
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17 Feb 2016, 8:44 pm

If you don't have interest/hobbies in common what do you have in common? People are the things they like and do. That's what makes us different.

I dont know how they started. Just how they are. They share political views, like bunch of similar shows and movies. Maybe that with mutual attraction is spenough for most people. It'll have to be, as I said not a lot of women who are into things I am.

I'd prefer a woman who likes most of what j like and we could do hobbies together. That's how I bond , via activities,. I don't suescibe to the friends first thing. I subscribe to the date and do things together much like friends but with the end goal of a relationship.

Friends first is end goal of friendship. This hardly ever leads to relationship but instead one sided love. Which is. Bam dating was invented as a middle ground between trying to turn friendship into a relationship and arranged marriage. It's the best system if you ask me, if both people go in with the goal being to see if they can be in a relationship together it's less likely to get hurt. Vets if they do friends first but one wants a relationship it's going be that person getting hurt. Dustin is just s clear goal. It's not much differenc then friends first as you do all the same things. Only difference being the goal. It also allows one or both to be romantic. Oth people want try it. Friends first you have to be afraid if I try to kiss her and she doesn't want it then there goes our years of friendship.

slw1990
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17 Feb 2016, 9:02 pm

wowiexist wrote:

I wish I could meet slw in person to see what might be creepy about her. I think she is nice and very pretty as far as what I see on here.

Thank you.

AsahiPto17
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17 Feb 2016, 9:04 pm

sly279 wrote:

People aren't necessarily the things they do, the things they do are manifestations of their interests, personalities, external expectations, habits, abilities, and other factors. The way I see it is at your very core you have your essence, then you have a personality that is an extension of that that's also been shaped by external factors, then you have the manifestations of your personality such as the things you do. Your personality can have many different dimensions, some are shown more, some less, some change, some stay more or less the same. This is all a simplification, the mind is so complected, and I'm just getting this all from introspection so it's not like proper psychology.

EDIT: I meant to write "I don't understand your *last* paragraph" here.

So, after thinking about it I don't think two people need to exactly be the greatest of friends before getting into a romantic relationship, but I think that being compatible with one another is important, and friendship would likely result from that.

@wowiexist ditto

slw1990
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17 Feb 2016, 11:51 pm

sly279 wrote:

What type of guys do you like?

I usually like guys who are kind of like me, with similar views and experiences. Guess that's how it is for most people. I think I would most likely want to date someone else who is also on the spectrum.

sly279
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18 Feb 2016, 2:22 am

That sounds pretty normal.

What's your views and experiences ?

Why in the spectrum?

slw1990
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18 Feb 2016, 6:22 pm

sly279 wrote:

That sounds pretty normal.

What's your views and experiences ?

Why in the spectrum?

It just seems like I can relate to people on the spectrum better and I might not have to worry about games as much either. I think I've said something like that before in this thread.

Aristophanes
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18 Feb 2016, 6:25 pm

slw1990 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

That sounds pretty normal.

What's your views and experiences ?

Why in the spectrum?

It just seems like I can relate to people on the spectrum better and I might not have to worry about games as much either. I think I've said something like that before in this thread.

Just keep talking, I think Sly likes the attention. :wink:

hellowp
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18 Feb 2016, 11:34 pm

slw1990 wrote:

It seems like a lot of people, especially guys, act very uncomfortable and serious around me. They avoid looking at me, give me strange looks and act indifferent towards me while acting very friendly towards other people. A lot of people seem to target me and feel sorry for me too and I'm not going to be able to relate to someone if they feel sorry for me. I know some people are jerks and I try to avoid them, but it seems like a lot of people that really are nice treat me differently too like they are creeped out by me or something. The few guys that seem interested in me seem like they might just want to use me and lose interest once another girl is around. I think part of what might creep people out is that I'm so soft spoken, but I don't always realize how quiet I really am. I usually have pretty good posture though and I smile if someone else is smiles back, but a lot of people still feel sorry for me. Any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry for such a late reply to your original post. I finally have some courage to reply here.
I'm so sorry you're enduring this. I hope so much that you not only find one guy, but many, who can appreciate the great qualities you have, including, from the pictures you posted before, how you are a beautiful woman. Deeply beautiful.
The men who treat you like that are probably looking for a standard, immediately beautiful woman, and probably do not find the beauty of introverts to be appealing. But maybe you live in a smaller town where this is more common. In university settings, and larger cities, I think you'd do so much better.
I'm so sorry that the men you mentioned avoid looking at you, or give you strange looks. They're probably not used to being around introverts, and don't find value in introvert beauty -- your introvert beauty. I'm sure they treat other people who are like you just as they treat you.
Your post is so much from your heart. I can feel your suffering, and hope things get better. You deserve to have people who admire you just as you admire them.
I hope you keep meeting people, and find such types of people.
I hope so much for you.
Your incredibly honest writing is very powerful.

Spiderpig
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19 Feb 2016, 12:22 am

How is it a problem to avoid looking at women? Isn't it your best bet at minimizing your creepiness?

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hellowp
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19 Feb 2016, 2:03 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

How is it a problem to avoid looking at women? Isn't it your best bet at minimizing your creepiness?

She is saying something different.
She is hurt and confused by how so many men avoid looking at her or give her strange looks.
She looks at them, and they avoid looking at her.
Also she says these men look at other women and have good interactions with them.

slw1990
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19 Feb 2016, 2:13 pm

hellowp wrote:

Spiderpig wrote:

How is it a problem to avoid looking at women? Isn't it your best bet at minimizing your creepiness?

It's not just guys, it's people in general and sometimes I don't look at them. Then a lot of the ones I've talked seem to eventually push me away. It's like I'm doing something that I'm not aware of.

AsahiPto17
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19 Feb 2016, 7:41 pm

slw1990 wrote:

hellowp wrote:

Spiderpig wrote:

How is it a problem to avoid looking at women? Isn't it your best bet at minimizing your creepiness?

It's not just guys, it's people in general and sometimes I don't look at them. Then a lot of the ones I've talked seem to eventually push me away. It's like I'm doing something that I'm not aware of.

I take not looking at people really far sometimes. I don't know why I just get really uncomfortable looking at people sometimes if I don't know them well. The end result is I almost completely block people out. If I was in some sort of situation where I had to interact with lots of random people, like in work I guess I'd probably do that less, I really don't know though. I imagine that would push people away though, pretty badly. Part of it is I guess I don't want to make people think I'm giving them a weird look, the main thing is just some sort of weird aversion I guess. Though when I'm talking to someone I'll make eye contact now and then.

I don't know how relevant that is, the point is I think a lot of aspies might have problems with looking at people, and giving off the wrong impression sometimes.

Last edited by AsahiPto17 on 20 Feb 2016, 12:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

100000fireflies
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19 Feb 2016, 8:09 pm

is it possible to have someone subtly film an interaction so you could review or get suggestions from people whose opinion you value?

Is it possible that you're often, on some level, feeling awkward and/or anxious going into interactions?
Even if it's not flapping rocking obvious, people often pick up on that and may respond accordingly (they sense awkward, they feel pity or awkward themselves, they act a bit odd, you respond a bit odd and so it cycles).

Is it possible you have any physical tics you're unaware of? Or echolalia or similar?

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hellowp
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19 Feb 2016, 8:56 pm

slw1990 wrote:

hellowp wrote:

Spiderpig wrote:

How is it a problem to avoid looking at women? Isn't it your best bet at minimizing your creepiness?

It's not just guys, it's people in general and sometimes I don't look at them. Then a lot of the ones I've talked seem to eventually push me away. It's like I'm doing something that I'm not aware of.

I understand it's not just guys. But your original post was mostly about guys I think. But anyway I understand it's with everyone. This happens to me to0. The last 3 days for me have been especially horrible. I'm so tired of it. And like you, of the people who I talk to, they eventually leave, excuse themselves, etc. This happened today also, with a really nice woman I met on campus. Sometimes, rarely, I'll spend several hours with someone. But eventually things fall apart. They don't like my eye-contact, it seems. My kind of eye-contact. Do you think this is what happens with you? Or do you become critical during interactions?
Anyway while I said I'm sorry about what you're dealing with, I'm also sorry for myself. I'm tired of this and being alone so much. For you it's probably just a matter of meeting similar types of people, and avoiding other types of people. For example, if there are some extroverted guys or girls you try to talk with, it will probably not work out. Bookstores and libraries often have a lot of employees that are very introverted, awkward, atypical. Maybe you'd fit better in such a work environment.

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