Feeling undatable

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I think that it might be a cycle because sometimes I have days where I don't feel like talking at all so I have to force myself to. From then on those people who I talked to would seem uncomfortable around me. I also tend to avoid looking at others when I have days like that. Even when I do look though, a lot of them would still look away and have a strange look on their face. Maybe I have a creepy expression on my face or something.
I don't have any tics or echolalia. I do sometimes stem by playing with my hair, but I usually try not to do it too much in public

It's not just people IRL either so I don't think it always has to do with how I act. It seems like a lot of people I meet online, who seem similar to me, eventually get bored or annoyed with me too. It wouldn't be as confusing if we only talked for a short amount of time, but they would seem close for a while. They would tell me about their problems, joke ect. and it seems like for no reason they start to become distant towards me. It's like there's something about me that just drives people away because the same things seem to just keep happening.

a big hug

That's rough. Just in person, i'd speculate there's something going on that you're not aware of. But if it happens repeatedly on the internet too....

The only thing i would think of is that there is something going on in person and the internet situations are different. That is, online, perhaps you are drawn to people of similar traits - a side effect of which is not holding relationships or conversations for very long. (Or people with that trait are drawn to you). I know i get overwhelmed with many things - one of which is my list of who i'm supposed to email. And the list grows as does what all i'm supposed to reply to as time passes and i end up disappearing..though it is 100% me and i really do like those people and did like conversing with them, i just couldn't keep up.
I actually owe a few emails to people on this forum..and it's the same thing.

Some people on forums, i could point out some things that are coming across in a way that could interfere with relationships or make people not want to be around them, but i've never seen anything from you that is striking in that regard. If anything, to me, you just seem a soft-spoken, kind person..which is far from someone people would avoid.

I don't see how playing with your hair would be a turn off. I notice people seem to do the same thing with me, I can chat with someone for a while then they lose interest. I usually talk to people online though.

I'm really sorry that happens to you, it seems really inexplicable that people act that way with you. People are just weird about things sometimes and that's really their problem, not yours.

Maybe it's my eye contact because sometimes people give me weird looks when I make eye contact. Sometimes I'm critical if i didn't feel like it went well and that happens a lot.

So if your eye-contact doesn't go well, do you become critical of the people you're with, or critical of yourself?

By the way ..... regarding people loosing interest in you. When you talk to people, in person or on the internet, do you show interest in them? I have a Asperger friend who doesn't show much interest in other people. In addition, she says most people bore her. I think its because she doesn't naturally have interest in other people.



I know this too well. It's horrible. Much of everyday for me is being horribly sad due to this, and even angry at times. I'm impressed at how observant you are, and how concerned you are, and how much you care. I have a lot of hope for you. I want things to be so much better for you. I really think living in a heterogeneous college campus or city would open up the world to you.

Last edited by hellowp on 21 Feb 2016, 2:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I don't know how to show interest in a person. I think they think I just want to be friends.

You show interest by talking to girls. If you're interested, you can ask for her number or if she'd like to grab a beer sometime.

Yes. I ask them questions, make plans, I'm there if they have some kind of problem ect.

Ok I see. I was just trying to think of a possibility.

One other thing.
I know a few people with marked Aspergers. They are like me, except they have little care/interest/ability with the superficialities of interaction. Also they often very critical of others, and don't realize it or don't care about it.
They struggle with relationships with neurotypicals in many ways. Countless persistent problems. Roommates, coworkers, classmates, family, neighbors etc.
The styles of interaction are so different that maybe the best success for us is with others with Aspergers.

I'd rather be with someone on the spectrum, but a lot of them would act that way with me too.

Gosh I think things would go better with them. Wouldn't be ideal, but probably better, and maybe a lot better. And if problems happened, you could work together on them, because you're of the same nature.

Have you had friends/dates with people with Aspergers? (Are you speculating they would act that way toward you, or is it that you've actually experienced this).

Curious when you became aware you have Aspergers?

Last edited by hellowp on 23 Feb 2016, 2:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

How does one even go about seeking out someone with Asperger's irl? I never found a real clear answer on that, except "look in libraries" or "go to meetup groups".

Isn't it kinda apparent to you, as you meet people, if they have or don't have Aspergers? If not right away, then after a little time. You could simply gravitate to people who seem to, and spend more time with them, and not waste time/effort on highly extroverted people. For example, in some classes, it becomes clear to me kinda quickly who "likely has Aspergers" and who doesn't. And then you meet people, talk, spend time together, and it becomes more clear. Or you could just try to find people like yourself.

There's plenty of single people on the spectrum on this site. If you're willing to try dating sites then I'm sure you can tolerate searching for guys here. And if things go wrong there's the added advantage that they'll probably make some passing comments about it which would help the rest of us better understand why you have difficulties.