Relationship problem
I'm having a problem with a person i am dating
He is a very good guy and i really love being with him he makes me smile and happy
but my problem is iv'e told him to be honest with me and sometimes he is but recently when i ask him what's wrong
he states "Nothing" he told me a couple of nights ago he was scared he would trigger my depression if he talked about his problem and i told him no that it would be okay and i would be fine. But he continues to say nothing over and over again and i know he is sad or upset because he isn't acting the same and other then asking are you okay? i don't know what to ask anymore. I need help understanding him and what i could ask or say to help him and his problems.....in this relationship i use a lot of small talk with him because that's what he does...i guess i'm a big mimic and i don't know what to do anymore.
(Sorry i can't spell good)
It's important to note we are both trans
so we come across some big struggles in life and depression seems to be common on both ends
and he has stated i rely on him to much.
You write that both of you use a lot of small talk. It seems to me that both of you may not be communicating on a deep enough level to feel like you can discuss deeper issues. Is it possible that one or both of you are avoiding potential conflicts or pain by only talking about relatively trivial topics? You may be at a turning point in your relationship where you can either make the effort to deepen your knowledge of one another and form a stronger relationship or else avoid taking things further and allow the relationship to coast indefinitly.
Maybe he is not able to openly discuss the things that might be causing him pain at the moment, but you might be able to open the door by talking about other subjects that might be important to him. Could you ask him what his hopes and goals for the future might be? Or what he cares most deeply about? Whatever the subject, try to open discussions about deeper subjects and he may find he can talk more freely about what is bothering him.
Your issues here remind me of the book "On Chesil Beach" by Ian McEwan where a couple reach a crisis point but don't do what is needed to grow together. It might be worth a look.
Good luck.
_________________
Never let the weeds get higher than the garden,
Always keep a sapphire in your mind.
(Tom Waits "Get Behind the Mule")
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