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SweetGirl28
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01 Mar 2016, 1:32 pm

I have been going out with a guy that I suspect has Asperger's. He hasn't verbally confirmed this to me yet but I have picked up some cues.

Anyway, my question relates to the following; when a person with Asperger's texts you every day and then suddenly goes cold on you... Is that normal behavior? And are aspies able to talk to other people but just not to the person they like when they're in shut down mode?

I get confused since I want to know for sure if this guy is interested or not. If not, I will move on.



Anngables
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01 Mar 2016, 2:09 pm

Hi, yes it's confusing, but worth it. How long has it been since he text you? Did anything happen before this I.e difficult conversations? Maybe some emotionally charged situation? Have you tried texting him? I'm only answering from my perspective as a fellow NT in a friendship with an aspie man, whom I'm working very hard to understand . . . . .



SweetGirl28
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01 Mar 2016, 2:35 pm

We had our second date last week. It was slightly more awkward than the first one but I still like him. I guess he likes me too because as he walked me over to the station, he came really close to the point of walking against me. When we said our goodbyes, I asked him if "this was it" as in him not giving me a hug or anything (I gave him a hug after the first date). He said he didn't know what to say so I gave him a hug. He left almost immediately after that. I thought it was over... until he texted me 30 min telling me he hoped I got home safe. There was a small texting conversation after that, and then he went quiet for 5 days. I texted him to ask how his trip was. He said he didn't go. Again, a short but seemingly normal texting conversation, then suddenly cold again.

I don't know if I should give up on him or wait until he texts me again. I seriously don't know if he lost interest or is shutting down.

What do you think?



rdos
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01 Mar 2016, 2:41 pm

I don't think he went "cold". He probably had nothing more to talk about.

Just text him again, and ask him for another date. :mrgreen:



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01 Mar 2016, 2:44 pm

I would text him a short friendly and unemotive text. Something like hi, how are you this evening? I find asking things like "is that it" is very confusing to an aspie, they take everything very verbally so have no idea what you are insinuating. Much better to say "I would like a goodbye hug" I think chances are that he is interested. You can't necessarily take the "usual" monitors of a relationship. Let me know how you get on. .



SweetGirl28
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01 Mar 2016, 2:49 pm

rdos wrote:
I don't think he went "cold". He probably had nothing more to talk about.

Just text him again, and ask him for another date. :mrgreen:


Really? I guess that could be it but I don't know if I should ask for another date. He comes from a different culture than me in which men are supposed to take initiative (I guess?).

Do you think he would contact me again at some point? Or that he has nothing to talk about anymore so just stays quiet?

As for the "is that it" comment, I didn't know it could be Asperger's at that point. Honestly, I was completely turned off by his behavior (forcing me to pay for a second drink, calling me out on a few of my sarcastic jokes as if I meant them, calling me names, etc...). It only "clicked" after that date - especially when he texted me afterwards - that there might be a different explanation for his behavior. I have known guys with Asperger's in the past but I didn't see the similarities with this guy until afterwards...



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01 Mar 2016, 2:56 pm

I guess a lot depends how much you feel for him. I went through much of the same stuff with my lovely aspie friend, but I liked him so very much I kept on reading and finding out, and stepping back to understand, I know,it must have been 10x as difficult for him to manage my constant questioning and emotional outbursts . . .. . But I'm really glad we stuck with it. . .. . But only you know how much you want this . Hope that helps



SweetGirl28
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01 Mar 2016, 3:00 pm

At this point, I just like him. No romantic feelings yet. I don't bother him with emotions either. In fact, I haven't asked him how he felt, what his intentions are, what he expects from me, if he wants a relationship and all that. We just talked.

As for the aspies here:
Do aspies ever make a move on a woman? I feel like I could be waiting forever for him.