Is going out with an Austic person supposed to be this hard?

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You're very welcome. You seem like a special woman to be so willing to stand by someone like this. Especially since, evidently, you aren't desperate. I can say from experience, if you guys get through this, it'll only make your relationship much, much stronger once you get to the other side of this thing. That process can be painful, but it's a worthwhile pursuit for the right pairing.

Best of luck and continued progress!

I just want to say that it is important that he realize that you are not responsible for his moods. It's good that you're supportive of him and you guys both seem invested in the relationship. But he has to take responsibility for the difficulties of autism and not hold you accountable for them. You don't want to be walking on eggshells trying to keep him in a happy place.

TO WILBERFORCE

Your initial response was incredibly rude to me and my partner read what you wrote and was very upset. You are the only person on this thread who has offended us but I will apologise for making the assumption it was your Aspergers. It must be just your own personality which is negative. My calm and open response to you was based on how you addressed me. There is no "rude to us" situation going on here so do not insinuate this.

I have no more to say to you on this matter.

TO BEAKYBIRD



Thank you. It's hard because I don't feel very special at times and feel very very hurt. I do everything to make sure he's happy, most recently bought him a big bouquet of flowers delivered to his door as a surprise, reserved tables at the best restaurants, bought him some really cool experiences and he is grateful for that. Along with supporting him in everything he does I show him I love him constantly. I love to see him happy as it makes me happy. I sent him a message asking if he wanted to go on a double date to a lovely restaurant with a couple of his friends. His reply was "we have enough things planned for the time being will not be booking anything else for now". So I replied with ":(" because I was the one who has booked the majority of the things we are doing together. Now he replies with "I won't allow you to bully me like you did last time. My happiness is everything to me". Because I thought it'd be great to go out with a couple of his friends?!

I don't "bully" him and never have done. I have only ever tried to show him how amazing life can be and try to help him out of his comfort zone because he was struggling with so much by his own admission. It's what he vocalised about what he wanted. I know he has felt intimidated by me in the past because when he used to upset me, I could vocalise it and he would never acknowledge that he was the cause of my upset. He always used to say I was shouting at him when I didn't. I am not a shouter at all, it's not in my nature. I resolve things or walk away, I don't want or need the stress. I am made to feel like my feelings don't even matter. Has your wife ever said this to you?

TO ANDROBOT



Thanks but I think this is easier said than done... We have good days and not so good days. It's hard being on the other side of someone who doesn't realise that I have feelings too.

How do I get him to see that my feelings matter too???? It's so hard

Cool. You both sound charming. I'm sure you will resolve all of your relationship troubles through the power of your sparkling personalities. Good luck to both of you in future.

Sandy, don't listen to wilburforce, listen to the others here and to counselors.

Well, that's a big question. I can only suggest bluntness. Often with autistics it's not that your feelings don't matter, it's that they are unaware of them. If you feel a certain way, express it clearly. If your partner is aware of your feelings, but is unconcerned about them, you have a bigger problem. One to which I'm not sure what the answer is, but it could have to do with Theory of Mind. In which case your partner would have to work on that specific problem, not just with regard to you, but with everyone.

I can't tell if it's a cat or a dog looking out the window at the rain.

I think it's a cat, but I suppose it is whatever the observer sees.

His head looks like a hybrid of a cat and a Doberman Pinscher.

It's too early in the day to be drinking, kraftie.

I guess I've had too much Hawaiian Punch!

I'd be a hard person to date; I don't take things seriously enough

Boo, it might be better to discuss third parties via PMs (if at all), rather than in an open thread.

I vote "Cat".

I see a cat

also the dress was blue and black

Personally, I don't know what kraftie is talking about, doberman my ass. But so be it.

I see dead people.