How do you behave/react when you have a 'crush'?

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Or to be used as a weapon against less vigilant males.

Yeah, unfortunately they can be one and the same. It's crappy, for sure, any time one party uses another, I'll give you that. Going back to the original point, though, not everybody in a dating relationship is capable of being honest with themselves and their sexuality. Therefore, whether both people want it becomes a moot point. It's a power struggle...blech.

Well, if they're not honest with themselves and their sexuality I see no point in having a relationship to begin with.... Casual sex perhaps, but I don't see how you can have a relationship with anyone that messed up....

True, except we're talking about 90% of the population. Okay, I pulled that number out of my...hat, but still. It's a broken system (the dating one) made of broken, messy people.

I used to be obsessive, but now that I'm getting some actual interest back, I feel more confident and taking it slowly.

In a way we're all scared little animals trying to pretend we're something we're not, but that's no reason not to be open to your partner and to come clean with yourself. In fact, any decent relationship should encourage selfimprovement and improve selfesteem precisely by sharing your weaknesses along with your strengths.

Oh, you're preaching to the choir.

Now that's interesting - I believe I have had a few relationships end that way too. A couple actually went off and got married within 6 months.

I honestly believe there's nothing wrong with that. If you care for them, then you want them to grow and to become a better person. You don't want to wind up with someone who is dependent entirely upon you, do you?

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's meant to be otherwise hunt it down."

Don't try to prolong the inevitable, it only damages the relationship in the long run. But if you find yourself continuously bringing (or growing) people up to your level and they leave, you may need to raise the level of your expectations and standards as the growth should be mutual and similar (but not identical).

Maybe that's an Aspie trait : the ability and interest to make insecure women feel better about themselves while they at the same time lose interest in us. I've wondered about that and I don't think it's a coincidence all three of us had what seems to be the exact same experiences with women.



I think the problem is that in a relationship we start off as interdependent : I depend on her loving me and she depends on me confirming her selfimage. As she eventually finds other ways to confirm her selfimage she no longer needs me while I still need her love, and that's the moment she dump me. So basically, I stay dependent on her (my life feels quite pointless when just by myself) while she becomes independent (she turns from needy into the exact oposite).

I get obsessive with special interest, but I always see that it might be obsessive. I try to convince myself that my brain has found a person who I have found a interest in and I shouldn't be stalker-ish.
I had my first boyfriend when I was 14 because he was a previous friend. I didn't really show much interest, but I had a interest in him until it was fulfilled. He said I did not show much interest during the process, even though I stressed myself on not showing obsession.

It is scary, to me, to feel obsessive about a crush and sometimes I want to blame it on AS.

Our obsession is interest and crushes are people of interest.

I get absolutely terrified & avoid the person at all costs. I know it's not the "right" or "normal" thing to do, but that's what I do.

Well, I get kind of obsessive, but since it's not exactly the first time I'd have a crush I'd try to suppress it as much as I can. I really need my attention for other things...

How ironic that people with AS must avoid people they have a crush on just to stay sane...

@ Daniella : I see you're from Holland. What part of Holland do you live in?

A nervous wreck. So much so, that if crushes were considered a bad thing, I'd probably classify encounters with my crush as panic attacks.

-I will not confess my feelings-(I've learnt the hard way, it surprisingly spreads around the school and I was bullied as a result)

- I will certainly not attempt to flirt with my crush. It doesn't feel right or natural for me to do so. It's just not going to happen.

However, I will quite splendidly act completely awkward

- Say the wrong and inappropriate things in attempts to create of humour

- Go completely blank mid-conversation, stammer or failing to speak at all sometimes

- My already dreadful eye contact will be reduced to 0%


And on top of that the normal symptoms of a crush

- Heavy/noisy breathing

- Tomato red skin

- Palpitations

- My stomach feeling like it is being flipped like a pancake

- Fidgeting

- Can't stop smiling when talking to them


Outside my face to face encounters I always feel the need to memorise their number plates, where they will be at what time and being overly excited for when I know I will encounter them. I would never do anything creepy or intrusive. I'm too shy to do that!

If it's a crush solely based on looks I feel very shameful for some reason, like a creep.

If it's based on personality I feel very dopey and happy around them!

I think my asexuality comes into the first point somewhat, and these things are often separate for me.

I usually make a complete arse of myself.

I say usually, I mean always.