Sexual compatibility or common interests?

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slw1990
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03 Apr 2016, 1:04 am

I think I could compromise with either as long as they don't dislike my interests or put me under pressure. I think what would be more important for me is someone who has similar views because I would want to be with someone who I can relate to.

auntblabby
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03 Apr 2016, 1:06 am

it is guaranteed that me and a right-winger would not get along in the least, even if they looked like Marilyn Monroe and I looked like Brad Pitt. I honestly don't grok how mary matalin and james Carville get along.

wilburforce
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03 Apr 2016, 2:14 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:

I didn't vote because I would never want relationship where I didn't have both. It's not something I'm willing to compromise on.

Same here.

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AR15000
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03 Apr 2016, 2:58 pm

CryptoNerd wrote:

Would you rather have a partner who is sexually and sensually compatible with you, or would you rather have a partner who shares common interests with you? To put it another way, would you rather have someone you can have a satisfying physical relationship with, or someone you can have an interesting conversation with?

I would say I value sexual and sensual compatibility over common interests. For one thing, I don't want a girlfriend begging me for sex (I'm functionally asexual and a voluntary celibate), nor do I want a girlfriend who is so touch-averse that she'll get uncomfortable if I start cuddling with her. For another thing, women who are into math and computers tend to be homely-looking and boringly studious; that's just my observation.

BOTH are of equal importance to me. Neither has priority over the other.

auntblabby
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03 Apr 2016, 3:02 pm

AFAIC, both qualities in one person = perfection, which is a mightily rare commodity in this world.

AR15000
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03 Apr 2016, 3:16 pm

carbonmonoxide wrote:

I chose sexual compatibility because I don't think common interests are that important in relationship. People in a relationship should be emotionally close but they don't need common interests.

To each their own. But I want a partner who is like a best friend that I have sex with. If we don't have common interests, then what will have to talk about when we're not having sex???

rdos
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03 Apr 2016, 3:28 pm

AR15000 wrote:

If we don't have common interests, then what will have to talk about when we're not having sex???

I'd never put up with somebody that needed to talk all the time. The less talk the better. Talking is for conveying important information only.

AR15000
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03 Apr 2016, 3:32 pm

rdos wrote:

AR15000 wrote:

If we don't have common interests, then what will have to talk about when we're not having sex???

I'd never put up with somebody that needed to talk all the time. The less talk the better. Talking is for conveying important information only.

Speak for YOURSELF, brah.

I love to talk, I love to argue, and intellectual conversations are one of my favorite past times. I do not need to talk all the time but conversation can be for anything and everything under the sun and beyond the stars. It might have to do with the fact that I have extroverted tendencies along with being a very verbal person.

Feyokien
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03 Apr 2016, 3:36 pm

rdos wrote:

AR15000 wrote:

If we don't have common interests, then what will have to talk about when we're not having sex???

I'd never put up with somebody that needed to talk all the time. The less talk the better. Talking is for conveying important information only.

And out of left field everything got suddenly Orwellian.....

rdos
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03 Apr 2016, 3:58 pm

AR15000 wrote:

rdos wrote:

AR15000 wrote:

If we don't have common interests, then what will have to talk about when we're not having sex???

I'd never put up with somebody that needed to talk all the time. The less talk the better. Talking is for conveying important information only.

Speak for YOURSELF, brah.

Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.

AR15000 wrote:

I love to talk, I love to argue, and intellectual conversations are one of my favorite past times. I do not need to talk all the time but conversation can be for anything and everything under the sun and beyond the stars. It might have to do with the fact that I have extroverted tendencies along with being a very verbal person.

Then you are a minority among NDs.

I like to argue for the sake of it at times, but I typically won't do that with a partner.

I also enjoy intellectual discussions about my special interests, but I don't like intellectual discussions just for the sake of it, and I find it a pretty bad idea to try to find a partner that shares my pretty narrow special interests (not to mention it's typical male interests).

Non_Passerine
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03 Apr 2016, 5:56 pm

Common interests, absolutely!

Relationships are about the eternal heart-and-soul bond between two people. It's about companionship and teamwork taking on life together. Sex is just a secondary perk. Assuming you and your partner stay together for decades, eventually you won't care about sex anymore. What's celebrated at weddings? The companionship of the couple that just became official, not the sex.

What about the people like me who are saving their virginities for marriage? I've only fallen in love because I liked a guy's personality and friendship compatibility, and I would be honored to have him as my eternal partner. No sex is necessary for me to determine if a guy is husband material (although huggability is a plus)!

Feyokien
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03 Apr 2016, 6:14 pm

rdos wrote:

Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.

I don't recall that referendum :scratch:

AR15000
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03 Apr 2016, 6:25 pm

Non_Passerine wrote:

Rationally speaking, I agree with you. But I'm not into the "true love waits" nonsense. Sexual compatibility is just as important(in terms of emotive desires).

eccentrica
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03 Apr 2016, 6:30 pm

Okay don't get me wrong.. I think it's great you want to wait for sex, but honestly --- it can be something very good with the right person. But the wrong one... OMG. Can be AWFUL. Even if you think you're crazy in love. Here's what I'm telling my daughter at the right age... Figure out what YOU like then get married. Don't base your whole life around a man. Now if it happens to be that's what SHE LIKES... bc having a family and being a mom might just do it.

Hats off to you for wanting to wait. For me that was never a possibility... Too much sensory stuff that makes it really hard to find the right person. Now I will say you don't HAVE to go all the way. We're all adults here. But sex doesn't always just become NON-ESSENTIAL after so many years. There's people still getting it on in the nursing home. Don't ever discount the sex part. It can sometimes be even MORE important than the other stuff... in certain aspects of a relationship.

AuroraBorealisGazer
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03 Apr 2016, 6:34 pm

Feyokien wrote:

rdos wrote:

Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.

I don't recall that referendum :scratch:

That's because it's not factual

.
Neurodiversity has no correlation to introversion.

Non_Passerine
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03 Apr 2016, 8:23 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:

Neurodiversity has no correlation to introversion.

And neurodiversity includes both introverts AND extroverts (including NTs).

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Sexual compatibility or common interests?